on Prologue by Dovina
23 Oct 2006, 2:58 PM
Hahaha, nice.
on Danger Zone by Miggy
23 Oct 2006, 2:51 PM
Inspiring with its complexity.
on Caveat by MacFrantic
11 Oct 2006, 11:49 AM
nice rhythem, but I think Dovina is right...pretty good otherwise.
on With Old Light by Ranger
26 Aug 2006, 9:08 AM
Wow, that was beautiful. There are so many good lines, and very good rhythem! I related to the third stanza the most, very nice. I wish I could offer some advice, but I suppose it would just be to write more!
on Ending Well by Dovina
26 Aug 2006, 9:17 AM
To be honest I didn't notice the rhyming , so I think that's fine. This is alright, but I think you can do better. It's rather bland if that makes any sense.
on some deleted poem
27 Oct 2006, 8:40 AM
Why don't more people think like this?
on MRS Degree by Miggy
20 Oct 2006, 10:11 AM
This has to be country lyrics because the only way you could get away with this simplistic nonsense is if you were singing it to a bunch of inbred republicans. Do you honestly think you're improving? Do you even care? Do you actually spend the amount of time from one post to another for working on these lyrics? Let me break it down for you:
YOU ARE TERRIBLE, THESE ARE THE WORST "LYRICS" I HAVE SEEN/HEARD SINCE YOUR LAST POST. EITHER STOP WRITING OR HEADBUTT THE SHARP END OF A KNIFE.
YOU ARE TERRIBLE, THESE ARE THE WORST "LYRICS" I HAVE SEEN/HEARD SINCE YOUR LAST POST. EITHER STOP WRITING OR HEADBUTT THE SHARP END OF A KNIFE.
on Pope Benedict And The Limbo Problem by Edna Sweetlove
20 Oct 2006, 10:13 AM
Amazing, I need to go rethink my life.
on My heart belongs to you by creepshow
14 Oct 2006, 10:38 AM
"Forevermore, nevermore."??????? I sense a severe lack of effort and just like love is enslavement, rhyming seems to have enslaved you.
on A Poetry Reading by Dovina
14 Oct 2006, 10:32 AM
I like the line "aware of her insignificance" as I can relate. This is how I feel posting on here, though I do still keep going unlike the person of whom you write. If you used some awkward wording in this it might force the reader to feel what she may have felt on the podium.
on some deleted poem
11 Oct 2006, 11:49 PM
I'm not sure the subject could convey to that many people, but I definately like it. Smooth rhythem, and a unique style.
Meanings are meaningless, nevertheless inevitable upon second guess.
Meanings are meaningless, nevertheless inevitable upon second guess.
Yes! You know I love this one, how could I not? I agree that your title could be better, but it's just a title. I also agree with nyp on the first stanza, but I would change it to:
For she left me and (she/then) wandered off
While I sat there in despair
For she left me and (she/then) wandered off
And never told me where
And, again, agreeing with nyp (guy is giving some tastey advice), the last line should be "With no road back to me". Other than that I like every fucking letter of this poem. nice!
For she left me and (she/then) wandered off
While I sat there in despair
For she left me and (she/then) wandered off
And never told me where
And, again, agreeing with nyp (guy is giving some tastey advice), the last line should be "With no road back to me". Other than that I like every fucking letter of this poem. nice!
on Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger
27 Sep 2006, 2:10 PM
What's up, buddy? Just wanted to say hi, I'll be back later to read your poem.
on some deleted poem
14 Oct 2006, 10:47 AM
There's a unique voice to this that I like. This reminds me of the racing current of thoughts through my head when I took mushrooms. Unfortunately, I don't think anyone who has not been in a different state of mind could appreciate this. Very good.
on To My Love by Lola
11 Oct 2006, 11:45 AM
Now, lola, I'm going to be quite critical on this poem...not because I don't like you, but because you can do better than this.
When you touch on the 'ol lovey-dovey subject we're gonna need something to wow us as the subject is way to common. In this, I get nothing I couldn't get from some cheesey pop song. I'll give you that it seems genuine, but we need something of substance here (i.e. literary devices).
p.s. love sucks.
When you touch on the 'ol lovey-dovey subject we're gonna need something to wow us as the subject is way to common. In this, I get nothing I couldn't get from some cheesey pop song. I'll give you that it seems genuine, but we need something of substance here (i.e. literary devices).
p.s. love sucks.