on The Unforgiven II by alvinb
4 Apr 2006, 7:38 AM
The best thing Ive read on this site
on The Battle of Fort Bragg by Dovina
9 Apr 2006, 2:10 PM
I am curious to see whether making verses 2-5 rhyme in a plodding, marching kind of way would add to the piece
on Shy, quiet by Ranger
4 Apr 2006, 7:45 AM
Didn't really get this, it was cool, and an enjoyeable ride, I think Im glad that I havn't got it in the end + it grows on me. After reading your ecplanation I geuss to clarify it without giving away what you are talking about you might consider using a few more cat like terms e.g. feline, and also references to looking at the women.
on some deleted poem
4 Apr 2006, 7:48 AM
I geuss this isn't really meant to be a serious contender, it has some cute imagery like the tire tubes (tyre?) which stand out for better or for worse
on Uncontrolled scribblings one luch break by Nicholas Jones
10 Jan 2006, 2:52 AM
Fresh, and spattered with emotions and scraps of thoughts that seem like they have gone straight from the head to the page.
on Comment on Avian 'flu by Stephen Robins
11 Jan 2006, 1:16 AM
You bastard
on the black light by crwncka1
18 Jan 2006, 9:32 AM
Interesting as a story, but the repetition of words to be creepy comes off making it sound like it should be read to scare children on halloween.
on Is Dying Ugly? by D. $ Fontera
18 Jan 2006, 9:34 AM
You have put such minimal thought into this poem, and such minimal effort into making it a poem.
on Three Skinheads by Caducus
18 Jan 2006, 9:36 AM
Some very good lines in here, although a lot of the verses seem to be built around this lines, condensing it could improve the experience for people like me.
on Read this by Southern_Bell
18 Jan 2006, 9:37 AM
The statement is too true, but the poem is crap.
on Relief (Ventilation Shaft rewrite) by cyan9
19 Jan 2006, 1:41 AM
Origional
Glaring at the glowing drops of steel
As they dripped from the scarred anvil
Like beads of tempered rain running
Into crevice and crack like red lightning
Forks streaking cross charcoal sky
From whence rain came as cool ash
Damping breathing, calming the very soul.
Striking out with intention of murder
Whipping up more anger to draw the victim,
The strangler who sketched with chalk finger
The outlines of bodies and dark little stories
Venting to peace and evenings drinking
Red wine with soft cheese following
Extended visits to the patisserie.
Darkness undressed her all scarred and withered,
Weaving its storm clouds and pronouncing out loud
âAll should kneel then be proudâ to yield to adversity,
Any little difficulty could go unsolved so easily
Until the day he turned away from all that hate,
Turned around and remedied his complaints, his disdain.
Glaring at the glowing drops of steel
As they dripped from the scarred anvil
Like beads of tempered rain running
Into crevice and crack like red lightning
Forks streaking cross charcoal sky
From whence rain came as cool ash
Damping breathing, calming the very soul.
Striking out with intention of murder
Whipping up more anger to draw the victim,
The strangler who sketched with chalk finger
The outlines of bodies and dark little stories
Venting to peace and evenings drinking
Red wine with soft cheese following
Extended visits to the patisserie.
Darkness undressed her all scarred and withered,
Weaving its storm clouds and pronouncing out loud
âAll should kneel then be proudâ to yield to adversity,
Any little difficulty could go unsolved so easily
Until the day he turned away from all that hate,
Turned around and remedied his complaints, his disdain.
on Fredrick Illinois by rahson_s
19 Jan 2006, 3:13 PM
It left me wanting to shoot Fredrick Illinois
on four walls by crwncka1
19 Jan 2006, 1:34 AM
Reminds me of the film Labyrinth at the end with the staircases
on The Frey by Southern_Bell
19 Jan 2006, 1:37 AM
The double line spaces add massively to the piece, drumming up suspence ... an enjoyable piece. The trussels line is a bit odd though, Im not even sure what they are, but they dont seem to quite blend in with this dark romancing poem.
on some deleted poem
19 Jan 2006, 2:12 AM
Absolutely suberb view of the situation, and a very clear description. The source for improvment I can think of is for you to read the lyrics to Marilyn Manson's 'Tourniquet', in that a situation that reminds me of this, is described, and it contains some very good detailed and dark lyrics, that may give you some ideas. This is one of yours that appeals to me the most, and thankfully there is room for improvement.
on Topper Fey by ALChemy
19 Jan 2006, 3:08 PM
Like it, amusing and fun. verse with Now thank the lord above stood out a little too much for my likings, too much of a change of rythm, or maybe the wrong sort of change
on a week off by hendrimike
19 Jan 2006, 3:11 PM
"the horizon becomes the sunlights throne, orange purple red and gold" are very good lines, I thought this was simple and nice, and probobally deserved more than some of the votes its been given.
on May I Help by Dovina
20 Jan 2006, 5:04 AM
Really liked the first verse, nice feel all the way through, last 2 lines warming as well.
on some deleted poem
20 Jan 2006, 5:04 AM
Wretched