on no title by candaliesa
9 Dec 2005, 3:18 AM
morose with improved potency from the use of melodramatic cliche's. The rhyme was nice and it made a pleasurable read. You presented a common theme here, and you presented it well, but you did nothing to it, there was nothing new here, no inticacies (unless I am missing something) and so I can only rate it a -7-.
on Rub You Out by TLRufener
9 Dec 2005, 6:57 AM
Adds to the sadness of count all the stars, and the slammed door in the face adds a element of shock to the end; but you will attract cricism for the use of cliches and the lack of richness in the language you use. It seems to me that you use cliches as power sentances to demenstrate emotions in a powerful way, but other people are taking them as just cliches. To richen the language and reduce the critism for using cliches, why not start with a thesaurus and replace lines like 'Tearing down my dreams' with 'Castigating the meat of my accomplishments' or 'Excoriating the flesh of my aspirations' .... It may help on both accounts. Overall, just a bit sadder than the last.
on some deleted poem
10 Dec 2005, 3:41 PM
What a Rat he must have been
on I saw Your Face Last Night by Dovina
12 Dec 2005, 9:08 AM
Lucky Guy
on Mixed Quartet by Dovina
19 Dec 2005, 6:53 AM
Provocative and very elegant in the 2nd verse. I dont think that this is the best poetry I have read from you, but it conducts a better more interesting experience in a clear manner. If there were anything to improve, perhaps the 1st and second verses could be enrichened in terms of language e.g. geneticists say -> geneticists exclaim in their gatherings, maybe thats not too good, but hopefully you will see what I am driving at.
on Blackout, Amman, November, 2005 by zodiac
22 Dec 2005, 4:09 AM
My cup of tea
on Pandora's Box by PoeticXTC
21 Dec 2005, 3:35 AM
1st verse is very good, conveys the anger/power well. 2nd verse fades off a bit and is less coherent.
on Never Let Go Again by TLRufener
22 Dec 2005, 3:59 AM
Oh the drama of it all, how will I ever go on living without you? well, Frankly my dear, I dont give a damn.
on Small-town Postal Clerk Considers Inspiration by zodiac
22 Dec 2005, 4:20 AM
My favourite out of yours so far
on When god manifested by Crakyamuni
22 Dec 2005, 4:30 AM
Would have voted 10 if it were not for the line "the words haunt the logic in my core", the words logic and core break from the rest of the poem a bit too much. If I am going to knitpick, the first few lines sem to meander nowhere, making a less enticing start to an excellent poem.
on What Matters by Dovina
9 Jan 2006, 6:08 AM
You do much much better on a regular basis
on Sunlighting by ALChemy
9 Jan 2006, 6:00 AM
Cute - but no cigar. Where is the content and the grit to this. I think this is written in a lovely way with rich language and soft tones, but I canât find anything that gives me what I look for in a poem, it gives all the traditional things such as elegance and flow.... If I were I scholar in poetry then I would give this a 9 for being well-written, but as myself a 4 since it appears to be pointless (even as just an image there is nothing new, just nice well written poetry), I know Iâm outnumbered 7 to 1 in this opinion, and that Iâm going to embarrass myself somewhere with this comment later on when someone points out the not so hidden meaning, but I canât find the point to this poem. 4 may be harsh, but I consider your work to be in a better league to most on here, and so I'll rate you by the standards you have set with your previous work, rather than the average on this site.
on A New Year Prayer by amanda_dcosta
9 Jan 2006, 6:05 AM
Epitomises an irritating and emetic type of yearning and humbleness that should be replaced with a more dignified form of submission to God.
on Bloody Stools 'n' Butterflies by EAger to Offend
9 Jan 2006, 6:23 AM
Too eager to offend, and not eager enougth to produce stimulating poetry.
on do i know you? by daggatolar
9 Jan 2006, 6:28 AM
This looks and even sounds like it has a meaning or is expressing something, in fact on 2nd read I think I got it. Like the unrecognizing part, in fact its growing on me, especially now the title. As a poem it is not too hot, but it stimulates and has drawn me in and conjured images and thoughts much more than most poems.
on portrait of powerlessness by digipoet
9 Jan 2006, 6:29 AM
Venomous
on floss every day by digipoet
9 Jan 2006, 6:30 AM
Making the peice more repetetive could add to its OCD like content
on the light of a truly bright day by digipoet
10 Jan 2006, 1:21 AM
Accurate description, but the bullet like/ rapid statements dont bring you out into the bright day, a softer final sentance might add some relief e.g The persistance of night was overcome, I'm sure with nicer language you could do better than that example, but I do think the structure could be altered to massively improve this piece
on portrait of powerlessness by digipoet
10 Jan 2006, 1:28 AM
Didn't like ending on the word sadism, would have voted [8-9] if the last line was secrecy, sadism, shame