the repetitive use of repetition is nice

nice use of repetition

You have to be jolly creative to write a poeme about soaring on clouds.

Tell me more about this Gallant Hat, old hag! Or am I to beat it out of you? For 'twas on this very day, in the summer of sixty-four, that my Beloved Tricorne, Excellent Q. McSpecies, was stolen by an Elite Squadron of Advanced Combat Prawnes, led by that ghastly spastic: Darren D.D.D McDarren. It is with great sadness, and a heavy heart, that I recall the moist plushness of their velveteen tuxedos, and the terrible sight of their crumpled legs writhing uselessly as they danced beautifully from Platter to Platter. Before I could say "What in the name of Sodomy is going on!?" there was blood and entrails flying everywhere and landing on my face. My pants were horribly ensnared on an upturned croquet hoope, and Excellent Q. McSpecies was twisted by knaves from my very bum to make a trap for fools. And, which is more, Gas! Gas! Quick, boys! An ecstacy of fumbling.

Distance glosses eons come undone? Please.

Where bravery is your wealth? hahahahahaha

Great use of "Heaven" to rhyme with "seven"!!!

Great use of the word "Like". Sometimes a metaphor can be too strong, can't it? May I suggest:

DETH-ROSE

Petals fall like bricks;
piloted by vicious prawnes,
they land on my face.

Would you like to hear a true story? Once upon a time I bought these water balloons. I filled one of the water balloons up with some water that I got from this tap so that it became really bulbous because it had loads of tap water in it. It felt really squishy and blobby and organic. So I got some lotion and balmilised it. Then I sat there stroking it and saying the words "mmm yes, it's a good breed".

OH GOOD CHRIST NO! MY INNER SEA-HORSE IS BEING ATTACKED BY WHORE SHRIMPS! THE AGONY! THE... bbbbfffghhhhggggttttt.. *gagh* wolverhampton wanderers one, sheffield nil

Great use of "talked" to rhyme with "walked" and "abridge" to rhyme with... "bridge". I especially enjoyed "Betrayal occurred". Are you a pro?

The use of "rinkle" to rhyme with "trinkle" is inspired. Indeed, the use of "trinkle" alone sets this piece out from the... er crowd. The crowd of poemes. That are all crowding around my face. Also, great use of ravens to... well not to rhyme... because ravens doesn't really rhyme with heavens... but great use of ravens, anyway. I couldn't imagine a heaven without ravens. It would be like trying to imagine washing your car without a sausage roll sellotaped to your right knee. Imagine that. I did. But I made an absolute bosh of it.

nice repetative use of repeated repetition

Your work is so raw and vital. There's an energy there. An anger. A longing. A sadness. I can tell you've been through some shit in your life. You deal with it like anyone else. But poetry is your outlet. Oh wait, actually it's crap.

You're searching for the key? The key which will open the door to yourself? Are you really doing that? Does that actually make any sense at all? Or did you just make it up to sound special?

You must be a complex person because only a complex person would rANdOmLY iNSeRt upper case letters into the titles of their InEpT poemes.

Beautiful. I especially enjoyed "makes you weak / often to the point where you weep". However, may I suggest the following alteration: "makes you weep / often to the point where you weep". Oh, and "soul full of emotion" is the most beautiful thing I have ever read. Ever. Also, great use of lower case letters throughout - it adds a touch of class that I feel is so desperately lacking from contemporary western literature. Now all you need to do is garnish with neat handwriting and a light sprinkling of "i think it's important to smile and yeah so what if i'm different i still have loads of chilled-out friends"

NICE EMOTIONS
NICE RHYME
YOU'LL BE A POPULAR POETE
IN NO TIME

YOU FORGOT JISM

It's the truth. That's what holds more truth.