on Day Dream by Jessina
9 Dec 2007, 5:35 AM
This is an excellent poeme. Unfortunately it makes me think that you don't really appreciate the true meaning of Christmas. You think it's all about getting presents, but it's not.
replying on Another Date by Dovina
27 Sep 2007, 4:02 PM
So presumably someone like Hulk Hogan. Or Mr T. Oh wait, I get it. They don't have to be physical rocks-- you want an emotional rock. But then Mr T is also an emotional rock. He'd never crumble under emotional pressure because the only emotion he has is one of intense rage. And pity, of course. But only for fools.
replying on Between two Truths by Dovina
15 Sep 2007, 2:50 AM
1 Samuel reads like the ramblings of a drugged horse.
replying on Between two Truths by Dovina
13 Sep 2007, 3:18 AM
I'm extremely disappointed (and ashamed at having not read preceding verses) that it wasn't God who made them build the golden hemorrhoids. Chiefly because it's less funny now. But I am at least cheered by your apparent attempts at making excuses for Bible verses that are so obviously beyond Thunderdome. Just "a story, not the Gospel"... what are you implying? That the hemorrhoid plague verses aren't, from The Bible's point of view, meant to be taken literally? That they're just made up? Why include such a bizarre, sick story in the first place? I can understand using parables to teach subtle moral lessons (or whatever) but this is clearly not a parable. What can divine hemorrhoid plagues teach us about life?
This is what I think: the normal, healthy reaction to a story like that is a mixture of revulsion and derision. That would probably be your reaction if you'd never heard of Christianity before. You can prove me wrong at once by stating unambiguously that you agree the hemorrhoid plague story is stupid and childish; that it was obviously made up by men, not God; and that it ought to constitute a serious stain on The Bible's reputation.
This is what I think: the normal, healthy reaction to a story like that is a mixture of revulsion and derision. That would probably be your reaction if you'd never heard of Christianity before. You can prove me wrong at once by stating unambiguously that you agree the hemorrhoid plague story is stupid and childish; that it was obviously made up by men, not God; and that it ought to constitute a serious stain on The Bible's reputation.
replying on Between two Truths by Dovina
12 Sep 2007, 3:41 PM
This morning I entered my drawing room and saw that someone had left a Bible on the chaise longue. Trembling, I opened that Book at a random page, and was confronted by this:
--------------------
[1 Samuel 5:6] The LORD's hand was heavy upon the people of Ashdod and its vicinity; he brought devastation upon them and afflicted them with tumors.
[7] When the men of Ashdod saw what was happening, they said, "The ark of the god of Israel must not stay here with us, because his hand is heavy upon us and upon Dagon our god."
[8] So they called together all the rulers of the Philistines and asked them, "What shall we do with the ark of the god of Israel?" They answered, "Have the ark of the god of Israel moved to Gath." So they moved the ark of the God of Israel.
[9] But after they had moved it, the LORD's hand was against that city, throwing it into a great panic. He afflicted the people of the city, both young and old, with an outbreak of tumors.
[10] So they sent the ark of God to Ekron. As the ark of God was entering Ekron, the people of Ekron cried out, "They have brought the ark of the god of Israel around to us to kill us and our people."
[11] So they called together all the rulers of the Philistines and said, "Send the ark of the god of Israel away; let it go back to its own place, or it will kill us and our people." For death had filled the city with panic; God's hand was very heavy upon it.
[12] Those who did not die were afflicted with tumors, and the outcry of the city went up to heaven.
--------------------
That's the New International Version. Probably most amusing is the 21st Century King James version, which substitutes "hemorroids" for "tumors", and contains my favourite Bible quote of all time:
[1 Samuel 5:9] And it was so that, after they had carried it about, the hand of the LORD was against the city with a very great destruction; and He smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had hemorrhoids in their secret parts.
As if hemorroids in their secret parts (as opposed to where, exactly?) wasn't punishment enough, in a final act of spite the Lord demands a guilt offering from the Philistines consisting of "Five golden hemorrhoids and five golden mice" (1 Samuel 6:4). Firstly, I can't think of anything worse to model out of Gold than a hemorrhoid (apart from a tumour, perhaps); and Secondly, how can anyone of non-demented moral intelligence read guff like that and call it gospel?
--------------------
[1 Samuel 5:6] The LORD's hand was heavy upon the people of Ashdod and its vicinity; he brought devastation upon them and afflicted them with tumors.
[7] When the men of Ashdod saw what was happening, they said, "The ark of the god of Israel must not stay here with us, because his hand is heavy upon us and upon Dagon our god."
[8] So they called together all the rulers of the Philistines and asked them, "What shall we do with the ark of the god of Israel?" They answered, "Have the ark of the god of Israel moved to Gath." So they moved the ark of the God of Israel.
[9] But after they had moved it, the LORD's hand was against that city, throwing it into a great panic. He afflicted the people of the city, both young and old, with an outbreak of tumors.
[10] So they sent the ark of God to Ekron. As the ark of God was entering Ekron, the people of Ekron cried out, "They have brought the ark of the god of Israel around to us to kill us and our people."
[11] So they called together all the rulers of the Philistines and said, "Send the ark of the god of Israel away; let it go back to its own place, or it will kill us and our people." For death had filled the city with panic; God's hand was very heavy upon it.
[12] Those who did not die were afflicted with tumors, and the outcry of the city went up to heaven.
--------------------
That's the New International Version. Probably most amusing is the 21st Century King James version, which substitutes "hemorroids" for "tumors", and contains my favourite Bible quote of all time:
[1 Samuel 5:9] And it was so that, after they had carried it about, the hand of the LORD was against the city with a very great destruction; and He smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had hemorrhoids in their secret parts.
As if hemorroids in their secret parts (as opposed to where, exactly?) wasn't punishment enough, in a final act of spite the Lord demands a guilt offering from the Philistines consisting of "Five golden hemorrhoids and five golden mice" (1 Samuel 6:4). Firstly, I can't think of anything worse to model out of Gold than a hemorrhoid (apart from a tumour, perhaps); and Secondly, how can anyone of non-demented moral intelligence read guff like that and call it gospel?
replying on California Bound by Dovina
1 Aug 2007, 1:54 AM
Only if he's black.
replying on California Bound by Dovina
30 Jul 2007, 10:28 AM
that's racist.
replying on Prayer by amanda_dcosta
19 Jul 2007, 3:47 AM
Do not mock worship, you boor.
replying on Summer Festival by Christof
16 Jul 2007, 3:15 PM
I would have punctuated it like this:
During a day and a half of wind and rain
There's no point bringing the washing in.
And the loose-limbed shirts and trouser legs,
The clinging bras and flapping skirts,
Slick with water like sweaty skin,
Dance a blissful drunken shrug
And will not stop till the sun floods in.
During a day and a half of wind and rain
There's no point bringing the washing in.
And the loose-limbed shirts and trouser legs,
The clinging bras and flapping skirts,
Slick with water like sweaty skin,
Dance a blissful drunken shrug
And will not stop till the sun floods in.
replying on Summer Festival by Christof
16 Jul 2007, 3:11 PM
I hope you disciplined her.
replying on Wreck of the Poor Anchor by Dovina
16 Jul 2007, 1:45 PM
I may not suggest that. Only mens may grow facial hairs. Womens aren't allowed. I myself maintain a 3-4 mm layer of stubble, because it enhances my grizzled features, making my excellent jaw line even more excellent. I only shave it down before meeting my idiotic clients -- a ritual which vexes me greatly, because it means I must wander around nude-faced for a couple of days, waiting for the Excellence to return.
Womens, on the other hand, should have pure, delicate features, unsullied by the loss of innocence which comes facial hairs and the capacity for rational thought.
Womens, on the other hand, should have pure, delicate features, unsullied by the loss of innocence which comes facial hairs and the capacity for rational thought.
replying on FHjk by Dark Angle
15 Jul 2007, 5:18 AM
Would you rather I hadn't replied at all?
replying on FHjk by Dark Angle
14 Jul 2007, 6:43 AM
As Jimmy Carr correctly pointed out: the reason old men need viagra isn't because they're impotent. It's because old women are so very ugly.
replying on Wreck of the Poor Anchor by Dovina
14 Jul 2007, 6:38 AM
May I suggest that you're a dunce.
replying on Alternatives by Dovina
14 Jul 2007, 6:28 AM
No, he's thinking of a world without ethnics. So was Lenon.
Imagine there's no muslims.
It's easy if you dare.
No need for duncely prayer matts,
Or unsightly facial hair.
Imagine all the normals
Living for today...
You may say I'm a racist
But it's just a point of view.
And I hope someday you'll join me
Unless you're ethnic too.
Imagine there's no muslims.
It's easy if you dare.
No need for duncely prayer matts,
Or unsightly facial hair.
Imagine all the normals
Living for today...
You may say I'm a racist
But it's just a point of view.
And I hope someday you'll join me
Unless you're ethnic too.
on Structure of a Woman by al-naafiysh
9 Jul 2007, 10:12 AM
"Nothing is more deceitful," said Darcy, "than the appearance of humility. It is often only carelessness of opinion, and sometimes an indirect boast."
In your case, I'd say it's the indirect boast. But that aside, Womens always fancy themselves as "complex" creatures. The reality, I'm afraid, is heavily laden with shame: http://tinyurl.com/2bxrqo
In your case, I'd say it's the indirect boast. But that aside, Womens always fancy themselves as "complex" creatures. The reality, I'm afraid, is heavily laden with shame: http://tinyurl.com/2bxrqo
replying on Walk The Boy To Circles by horus8
28 Jun 2007, 7:26 AM
I'm so sorry, but Hindu has been officially voted The World's Most Unbelievable Religion.