on sperladnik: the sequel by malpaso
6 Jul 2008, 4:50 AM
made me giggle a little awkwardly, not quite getting the hang of it ;)
on in this bus terminal of the future by nentwined
6 Jul 2008, 4:44 AM
I like that..change without true progress...
the word inevitable jars a little with me, not sure why
the word inevitable jars a little with me, not sure why
on who wansa do that? by malpaso
28 Dec 2007, 11:44 PM
As much as I enjoy the short poem, due to lack of true inteligence...I can't seem to get a handle on this one. There's no oomph or moment of clarity, or nod, or small smile, or any of the things that brings instant understanding of what your saying, that should come with shorter writes.
"You wanna go do somethin'?"
sighs
"Nah"
- boredom, apathy...a statement, but is it poetry? hmmm?
"You wanna go do somethin'?"
sighs
"Nah"
- boredom, apathy...a statement, but is it poetry? hmmm?
on Heroes to the End by sliver
26 Nov 2007, 5:40 PM
line 4 - vowed to see its' end, and took vows to see its' end, and vowed to see it's end..'it' and 'it's' is a little too much
line 5 - drop the red, blood holds the colour you need
Very poignant :)
line 5 - drop the red, blood holds the colour you need
Very poignant :)
on Again with the venting by hobojo
26 Nov 2007, 5:28 PM
I do love a good vent/rant...whether at a person or an ideal stage we strive to achieve...
and I do like this
there are a few places I would tighten up a little, give more oomph to the structure.
for instance...
I used to think life would make sense -
one day
all my efforts would pay off
and all my terror - end
and I'd coast for a little while
I thought, if I
kept fighting
kept holding on
I would make it
that I
would leave it all behind
and I do like this
there are a few places I would tighten up a little, give more oomph to the structure.
for instance...
I used to think life would make sense -
one day
all my efforts would pay off
and all my terror - end
and I'd coast for a little while
I thought, if I
kept fighting
kept holding on
I would make it
that I
would leave it all behind
on some deleted poem
26 Nov 2007, 5:56 PM
Agree with INTRANSIT...the first half needs trimming and shorter lines, defining breaks with lines rather than commas. I don't enjoy too many directions when I read, so it could just be me. :)
on Easter Egg Hunt by Dovina
29 Nov 2007, 3:32 AM
I wish I could understand this, but the language is out of my reach. :(
on Trapped in a horseshoe by INTRANSIT
26 Nov 2007, 6:10 PM
Nicely portrayed - the one-way relationship, never to be relayed any other way.
on The Dung Beetles by Pappa
26 Nov 2007, 5:45 PM
this is too complicated for me - the structure I can't even begin to appreciate, but the lesson in nature could do with something...not sure what that could be but the last line seems text bookish, rather than poetic...
can you show me where i might find other Englyn?
can you show me where i might find other Englyn?
on Bottle collection by INTRANSIT
22 Nov 2007, 1:05 PM
I've just finished a book where the husband was a bottle collector - he had loads of them, proudly displayed and affectionately restored...at the end of the book the wife smashed every one of them. Not that this has anything to do with your poem, apart from coincidence to me...
This poem is perfect in it's quiet way, love it.
This poem is perfect in it's quiet way, love it.
on some deleted poem
22 Nov 2007, 1:14 PM
LOL...sibling rivalry
on What bianca saw!!! by titan69
19 Nov 2007, 7:48 PM
argh! get the sylable count right - if you are going to write in limerick, find the rhythm...
snaps for the ranker/wanker rhyme
snaps for the ranker/wanker rhyme
on What the fuck is a HAIKU anyway? by titan69
19 Nov 2007, 7:51 PM
drop the yoda instructions - add 'a' between writes and load...
you definately have a way with....titles...
you definately have a way with....titles...
on Self-Inflicted Wounds by wilco
18 Feb 2011, 3:13 PM
at least your just rusty, I, on the other hand am flabby...takes a bit of getting back into it huh?
on tree in a flood by Skamper
18 Feb 2011, 2:51 PM
too quick and too flabby, hmmm something to ponder over. Thanks guys
Whenever I pine for you to be mine
I remember what my father used to say
You can have anything you want but you cant have
everything you want at the same time
If this is what you want
you can't have me
there's probably one too many wants...if this is what you need
you can't have me
and pine, really?
I remember what my father used to say
You can have anything you want but you cant have
everything you want at the same time
If this is what you want
you can't have me
there's probably one too many wants...if this is what you need
you can't have me
and pine, really?
on Max's Poems by nentwined
9 Jun 2012, 4:46 AM
wtf....moronic