on Racism by Dovina
1 May 2005, 11:22 AM
Good use of racism, Dovina.
on eat what you want. by burgerking33
9 Mar 2005, 5:02 AM
Nice, tight, little rant. Good diet, too. If you shove all that stuff up your... It never gets into your blood stream to clog your arteries.
on JJâs Church by Dovina
16 Mar 2005, 8:10 AM
I'll never go to another steakhouse bar and feel secular again. JJ's Steakhouse Church is a holey (sic) place
on The Glass by dancin_n_da_moonlite
16 Mar 2005, 8:16 AM
We all see the world through glass. I see it through the glass of a wine bottle. Sometimes I see the world through the glass of the Cathode Ray Tube. Glass is(at least)obvious where our own prejudices and cultural filters are not.
on Death is a Three Step Process by dancin_n_da_moonlite
16 Mar 2005, 8:19 AM
Good work on an easy form made difficult (and better}.
on Thinking by dancin_n_da_moonlite
16 Mar 2005, 8:22 AM
You are. Maybe that will be enough. If I were writing this one I would have screwed it up at the end with some trite comment about someone passing the joint or bottle over to me. Good thing you wrote it instead.
on Clouds by dancin_n_da_moonlite
17 Mar 2005, 8:22 AM
This style of creating a mood followed by quick jab of insight at the end is very enjoyable.
"I like the clouds.
I want my head,
in the clouds,
My job is..."
Would make you sound more certain of your conclusion but might ruin the mood. -10-
is in the clouds.
"I like the clouds.
I want my head,
in the clouds,
My job is..."
Would make you sound more certain of your conclusion but might ruin the mood. -10-
is in the clouds.
on some deleted poem
17 Mar 2005, 8:32 AM
I have a poem that comes from lights called "Star Bright." Your poem is about the beauty of the lights.It's the opposite mine. I enjoyed your conclusion much more than mine. Shuushin is ussually "right on" in his comments. But if it is the use of the word beauty that is bothersome, I don't understand. I see "beauty-beautiful" used only twice. Have you edited this work since the comment was made?
on Reasonably Good by Dovina
22 Mar 2005, 7:55 AM
Let's not get personal here. I was born the year of the Rat. There is no year of the dove only the Cock. Which will you extol?
on The Symbol by Dovina
24 Mar 2005, 7:16 PM
"Skull & Cross Bon Mots"
on Make Music in Your Heart by Dovina
28 Mar 2005, 11:10 AM
"if in your heart a melody sings
and you the one in debt
and part of the reason I write now"
Good thought but the tiniest editing on these lines would help the flow. -9- for now.
and you the one in debt
and part of the reason I write now"
Good thought but the tiniest editing on these lines would help the flow. -9- for now.
on Middle-Aged White Woman by Dovina
8 Apr 2005, 4:07 PM
It's good but I want ten acres and a mule before I'll let myself forget what "you people" did to those people
on Moments (or) Suicide by Dovina
8 Apr 2005, 4:11 PM
Are grading your life on strict percentages or are you willing to use a curve?
on some deleted poem
24 May 2005, 8:54 AM
Vouldn't a band-aid have vorked as vell, Count?
on To Making Do by Dovina
22 May 2005, 11:03 AM
A lot of talking to yourself on this one, Dovina. Is that a sign of a sound mind? It seems a bit of a "brag." Maybe I just envy you your last stanza. My poem would end in opposite tone. -8- For lording your freedom over an oppressed mass--Me.
on some deleted poem
23 May 2005, 8:03 AM
Cha, Che or chai? If it's about chai, line thirteen should read, "No man died or went pour..."
on Kerri & Terri by jessicazee
24 May 2005, 8:50 AM
Ah...nostalgia! Pass the catsup and don't forget to bring in the wash off the line after dinner.