on The And women by INTRANSIT
6 Jul 2005, 3:55 AM
aint line 2 so true lol.
on Born and Fed by Dovina
6 Jul 2005, 3:56 AM
tit in line 2 just makes it read wrong.
on Crack baby by Caducus
7 Jul 2005, 7:10 AM
FIXED !
on Butterfly Plague by zodiac
12 Jul 2005, 9:25 AM
The title sucked me in and this part I wish I'd written :
Here's a naked-necked girl laughing
in a square, thumbnail sawing an orange-skin.
There is more too but I'm out of it.
Here's a naked-necked girl laughing
in a square, thumbnail sawing an orange-skin.
There is more too but I'm out of it.
on Dying Abroad by zodiac
12 Jul 2005, 9:26 AM
Once I found out what a triolet is I'll come back.
on some deleted poem
9 Aug 2005, 8:06 AM
For that opening alone thanks for the piss stain trousers/
on Horus8 & The Werewolves Live At The Hard Rock Cafe by horus8
9 Aug 2005, 8:04 AM
Retitle - 'Plug'
I'd chop off my scaramanga to see it.
I'd chop off my scaramanga to see it.
on Storm Damage by Caducus
16 Aug 2005, 3:56 AM
God help me if Dark Angel sees this.
on Letter from Palermo by Caducus
23 Aug 2005, 6:16 AM
Dont you just love that name? Hows the road truckmeister?
on Leaving the Woods House by zodiac
23 Aug 2005, 7:49 AM
I second what alchemy said and this is an awesome piece of writing - definitely in the top 10 I've read on here and elsewhere.
Last line should be tenderhooks
Last line should be tenderhooks
its a freakin classic and normally what i liked a couple of years ago isnt the same now (which can be said of some readers to my work). This is still so haunting and ripping out the guts of a grandfather clock shows your emotive qualities spilling over - this poem made me like you as a human and writer.
on Leaving Song by wilco
15 Sep 2005, 9:30 AM
I know line 3 its so true.
on some deleted poem
15 Sep 2005, 9:30 AM
good last 2 lines.
on some deleted poem
23 Sep 2005, 1:27 AM
The stanza is goosebump cool. The title also drew me in and the whole things pretty to read.
The last line needs a tidy up, how about 'so i turn against the kansas wind'.
just shorten las tline a tad sire.
The last line needs a tidy up, how about 'so i turn against the kansas wind'.
just shorten las tline a tad sire.
on some deleted poem
27 Sep 2005, 4:46 AM
I like the repetition and personal feel to 'let it'. Also i like :
Let the skies open and bruise the trees,
The fruit, the glassy banks of grass,
The branches shorn of all their leaves
Some of my imagery and form was inspired from your work, this like my own is flawed in parts (dont ask me where) but your poems always make me stop in my tracks and i feel improved just by reading.
Let the skies open and bruise the trees,
The fruit, the glassy banks of grass,
The branches shorn of all their leaves
Some of my imagery and form was inspired from your work, this like my own is flawed in parts (dont ask me where) but your poems always make me stop in my tracks and i feel improved just by reading.
It really isn't.
Would you please be a gentlemen and say why you think so?
I admit the language is heavy handed in parts but like me she's trying to express herself and pick subjects hardly tackled.
I see a lot of beauty in the stuff you write and thats the real you not this pseudonym(s) of yours.
Worth a 6 at least.