on some deleted poem
26 Apr 2005, 6:16 AM
long distance love is a real fucker.
on some deleted poem
24 May 2005, 5:13 AM
which means they are poor, wrapped up very well and cha could be so many places.
on MTV's The Real World: Allpoetry.com by Bluemonkey
26 May 2005, 6:55 AM
i get it.
on A Kiss In Shadows (quite happy for me) by Caducus
10 Jun 2005, 1:29 AM
zero it rockmage go on you havent came in over an hour.
I bet you have strong arms from all that self love.
I bet you have strong arms from all that self love.
on some deleted poem
10 Jun 2005, 9:19 AM
Almost fable like, very well written and different.
on MTV's The Real World: Poemranker by Bluemonkey
15 Jun 2005, 4:56 AM
Apparently my earlier work inspired the 'pimple' Shhhhh.
Cutting
and
true though.
(dont faint i commented lol)
Cutting
and
true though.
(dont faint i commented lol)
on A Hallmark Card for You (With Love) by Bluemonkey
15 Jun 2005, 4:58 AM
:+)
on some deleted poem
15 Jun 2005, 5:14 AM
__________Starting Over___________
Bluemonkey had a point on my last post and I'm dusting myself down and starting fresh. I will respect your reasons for doing what you do and comment on your poems best I can. Bear with me on critiques I'll just be honest without retaliating.
Okay then.
From what I know you have a talent in sculpturing or something like that and this has something to do with that. I liked this, my only suggestions would be move hues form L2 into L4 as that would save listing colours and being verbose. On L2 you could replace 'hue' with mood as colours (correct me if I'm wrong) selected by artists represent moods.
I like how the poem is decorative in the wordplay explaining a process that happens in all genres of artistry - poetry, drawing etc. The silica could be the inner thoughts of a poet as its buried waaay deep.
Then again I think a lot.
Bluemonkey had a point on my last post and I'm dusting myself down and starting fresh. I will respect your reasons for doing what you do and comment on your poems best I can. Bear with me on critiques I'll just be honest without retaliating.
Okay then.
From what I know you have a talent in sculpturing or something like that and this has something to do with that. I liked this, my only suggestions would be move hues form L2 into L4 as that would save listing colours and being verbose. On L2 you could replace 'hue' with mood as colours (correct me if I'm wrong) selected by artists represent moods.
I like how the poem is decorative in the wordplay explaining a process that happens in all genres of artistry - poetry, drawing etc. The silica could be the inner thoughts of a poet as its buried waaay deep.
Then again I think a lot.
on some deleted poem
16 Jun 2005, 1:26 AM
can the poems we post be whores?
on The Object of the Game by Dovina
28 Jun 2005, 6:26 AM
I like it but the last 2 lines lack impact.
on We Have Never Spoken by fevriere
28 Jun 2005, 6:27 AM
It has promise but the rhyme is off.
on some deleted poem
3 Jul 2005, 1:14 AM
One of the better whiteley poems I've read. Vorderman will miss the pay cheque more.
on it's okay to cry, idiot by calliope
3 Jul 2005, 1:15 AM
Line one is awesome.
on The choices we make by darby pyn
3 Jul 2005, 1:17 AM
Heartfelt and sentmental but your problem lies in not what you want to say, just the way you dilute it with forced rhyme.
Force what you wanna say first. Allegiance to rhyme should not dictate the poem.
Force what you wanna say first. Allegiance to rhyme should not dictate the poem.
on We Have Never Spoken by fevriere
3 Jul 2005, 1:21 AM
THe last 2 stanzas are so adult in their honesty and deliverance. LIne 4 is funny but out of place. I would change stanza one and get rid of the rhyme.
Lines 6/8-end are fab.
Lines 6/8-end are fab.
Jesu would be proud of his darkest angel.