on Born and Fed by Dovina
6 Jul 2005, 3:56 AM
tit in line 2 just makes it read wrong.
on The And women by INTRANSIT
6 Jul 2005, 3:55 AM
aint line 2 so true lol.
Rockmage - this isnt BAAAADDDDDD.
It really isn't.
Would you please be a gentlemen and say why you think so?
I admit the language is heavy handed in parts but like me she's trying to express herself and pick subjects hardly tackled.
I see a lot of beauty in the stuff you write and thats the real you not this pseudonym(s) of yours.
Worth a 6 at least.
It really isn't.
Would you please be a gentlemen and say why you think so?
I admit the language is heavy handed in parts but like me she's trying to express herself and pick subjects hardly tackled.
I see a lot of beauty in the stuff you write and thats the real you not this pseudonym(s) of yours.
Worth a 6 at least.
on We Have Never Spoken by fevriere
3 Jul 2005, 1:21 AM
THe last 2 stanzas are so adult in their honesty and deliverance. LIne 4 is funny but out of place. I would change stanza one and get rid of the rhyme.
Lines 6/8-end are fab.
Lines 6/8-end are fab.
on The choices we make by darby pyn
3 Jul 2005, 1:17 AM
Heartfelt and sentmental but your problem lies in not what you want to say, just the way you dilute it with forced rhyme.
Force what you wanna say first. Allegiance to rhyme should not dictate the poem.
Force what you wanna say first. Allegiance to rhyme should not dictate the poem.
on it's okay to cry, idiot by calliope
3 Jul 2005, 1:15 AM
Line one is awesome.
on We Have Never Spoken by fevriere
28 Jun 2005, 6:27 AM
It has promise but the rhyme is off.
on The Object of the Game by Dovina
28 Jun 2005, 6:26 AM
I like it but the last 2 lines lack impact.
replying on Treblinka Re-opened by Caducus
21 Jun 2005, 1:15 AM
Thats the point exactly to demonstrate how things are still not so different. I'm just exploring the theme and its been so done I doubt anyone can say anything thats not been said already.
on A Hallmark Card for You (With Love) by Bluemonkey
15 Jun 2005, 4:58 AM
:+)
on MTV's The Real World: Poemranker by Bluemonkey
15 Jun 2005, 4:56 AM
Apparently my earlier work inspired the 'pimple' Shhhhh.
Cutting
and
true though.
(dont faint i commented lol)
Cutting
and
true though.
(dont faint i commented lol)
replying on A Kiss In Shadows (quite happy for me) by Caducus
10 Jun 2005, 12:11 PM
Hey
she still looked 20 to him as she still loks the same to him old because he loves her so much.
Just somehing my pos said about his wife
she still looked 20 to him as she still loks the same to him old because he loves her so much.
Just somehing my pos said about his wife
replying on A Kiss In Shadows (quite happy for me) by Caducus
10 Jun 2005, 9:17 AM
GW CHILL.
Okay I changed the first bit - grammar and me divorced years back.
The 'my love' meant my girlfriend but i agree it sounds a bit gay and i bring her in to it later so it's not needed.
It's a draft and raw as the moment as intended. One of those inspired things that hit or miss, this is kind of both but was never meant to be anything to get anal about really.
Thanks for the pointers.
Okay I changed the first bit - grammar and me divorced years back.
The 'my love' meant my girlfriend but i agree it sounds a bit gay and i bring her in to it later so it's not needed.
It's a draft and raw as the moment as intended. One of those inspired things that hit or miss, this is kind of both but was never meant to be anything to get anal about really.
Thanks for the pointers.
on A Kiss In Shadows (quite happy for me) by Caducus
10 Jun 2005, 1:29 AM
zero it rockmage go on you havent came in over an hour.
I bet you have strong arms from all that self love.
I bet you have strong arms from all that self love.
on MTV's The Real World: Allpoetry.com by Bluemonkey
26 May 2005, 6:55 AM
i get it.
replying on The Jesus Belt by Caducus
24 May 2005, 2:45 PM
thanks dovina, its weird when i click to edit thispoem it comes up with 'adults in wonderland'.