Re: a comment on A Midnight Call by amanda_dcosta	13-Feb-06/10:24 AM
What the cheese? That was possibly the meatiest comment I've ever seen. Anyway, I really like the story in this poem, Amanda, but I have to agree with zodiac in regard to the layout. The first line is an excellent catch for the reader!
Re: a comment on The Struggling Poet's Lament by Ranger	10-Feb-06/3:41 PM
Hopefully the idea of the poet dressing his poem in embellishment and metaphor but ultimately finding he hasn't put it together well enough will come through as well; if it doesn't then I have some work to do... Cheers for the comments as well!
Re: a comment on Everything That You've Ever Wanted by drnick	10-Feb-06/12:03 PM
An hour is a decent amount of time to spend working on an idea. Unless it's one of those moments of astonishing inspiration you'll need to come back to it to fine tune the details. The imagery in this poem isn't at all bad; don't feel bad about asking for advice, that's what we're here for.
Re: Moonlight Paradox Riddle Answered by Glasseyez	10-Feb-06/11:57 AM
I guessed the bit about 'I Am' (eimi ei) so can I have a bonus point?
Re: writer's block by Zoetrope	10-Feb-06/6:02 AM
Okay...although this is too long for me to read in one sitting (have a lecture shortly) I skim-read it and liked what I saw. I shall return later for a more detailed synopsis.
Re: a comment on The Perigenetic Prayer by ALChemy	9-Feb-06/3:35 PM
Yes, anyone discovering this site in two thousand years' time will certainly have their work cut out. How many poems has it accumulated in the last 5 years or so - fourteen thousand? More? Even Christ didn't give rise to this much literature. I guess that makes nentwined some sort of prophet then...
Re: Pastry by Tirapasteles	9-Feb-06/3:30 PM
You'll have to forgive me, but I don't have a clue.
Re: Partying Blind by poetry/poem101	9-Feb-06/1:14 PM
What to say about this...well for one thing it's a prose poem. But that's not majorly important. The last 4 lines really want to go...this is a poetry site, after all, and they detract from the end of the story which showed promise. However, it didn't quite live up to the potential it showed; you need to bring out the emotions of the events. I recommend Caducus' work for learning how to write emotive poetry without sounding whiny. Other than that, spelling and grammar, the usual stuff. As first posts go, it's better than many.
Re: Everything That You've Ever Wanted by drnick	9-Feb-06/1:03 PM
If I've interpreted the last 4 lines right (that a life without threat would be incredibly boring) then you have captured one of my deepest beliefs and the last line works marvellously. Perhaps 'Admission of a Dream' would work as a catchier title.
Re: a comment on Lonely Road by drnick	9-Feb-06/10:40 AM
You don't need to be the poet laureate to comment on peoples' works, even if it's just to say whether you liked or disliked what you read. It's nice to know that people have read and thought about what you've written. As for the poem, I wondered if it might be like that. It's not the most original subject matter but I like the way you've dealt with it - you avoid the cliches, or rather, you take the cliches and rework them well. Now I'm looking at it with more understanding, it's become so much clearer - every line has a definite purpose. I really should have made the connection certain by reading 'the deliberate visitor'. So yes, on both levels it's written well. 2 suggestion: lines 8 and 9 seem a bit worn...it would work better if there was a little more originality there. Also, 'That a journey/Seasons pass...' seems to be a bit of a jump. You might want to consider either putting a break between them or linking it with another line. That's my opinion anyway, others may read it differently. Useful?
Re: a comment on Penny Loafer Blues by ALChemy	9-Feb-06/8:46 AM
Ah, now I thought 'souls' was intentional, it works with the 'prophet shoes' and how the (size 10) prophesy didn't fit, or maybe wasn't fair on, your (size 11) soul - in the same way the shoes didn't fit your feet. Perhaps I read into it a little too much. Still love it though!
Re: a comment on Lonely Road by drnick	9-Feb-06/7:58 AM
I've made 9 hundred and thirty something comments and received 288...you've made 36 comments and received 66. If you want people to talk to you, you have to talk to them first.
Re: A Kiss Beneath The Blossom Tree by Caducus	9-Feb-06/7:46 AM
Your finest hour.
Re: a comment on The Perigenetic Prayer by ALChemy	9-Feb-06/7:36 AM
True, otherwise I'd still be reading it...plus, if you want to hide your poem for two thousand years you won't need a whopping great urn either.
Re: Memoirs of a miners son by Caducus	9-Feb-06/7:32 AM
As usual, beautifully emotive...certainly a talent of yours!
Re: a comment on My Father’s World by Dovina	9-Feb-06/7:30 AM
Yes, stanza one could quite easily become the best haiku I've ever seen. And Iran wonders why the US doesn't want it to have nuclear capability...
Re: a comment on Hailing Miriam by Ranger	9-Feb-06/7:25 AM
I have another one on its way sometime soon...but I just can't get it right...grr
Re: a comment on Hailing Miriam by Ranger	9-Feb-06/7:24 AM
Yes, I'm not good at writing slow poems; this all came to me in a hurry which is I think reflected in the way it turned out. Thanks for having a read, everyones' comments are (as always) much appreciated!
Re: a comment on My Father’s World by Dovina	9-Feb-06/7:14 AM
This is the age of the secular, it must instead be MeccaDonald's. I predict a riot (in Beirut).
Re: a comment on The Perigenetic Prayer by ALChemy	9-Feb-06/7:11 AM
http://www.webcom.com/gnosis/naghamm/thunder.html I have no idea about the program, I discovered this during research. It's about the Divine Feminine, so the second stanza in yours reminded me of it. Enjoy!