Re: a comment on Lonely Road by drnick	9-Feb-06/7:06 AM
Yes, give and take here, old fruit. You can only get away with not commenting on others' work if your name is -=Dark_Angel=-,P.I. I'm not sure if this poem is metaphorical or if it's a direct description...if it's the former, you need to make it a little clearer for the benefit of morons like myself; if it's the latter, well then it's nicely written but doesn't really elicit any sort of thought from the reader.
Re: The Wish by celticskatermatt1	9-Feb-06/7:01 AM
Line two is a bit forced.
Re: a comment on My Father’s World by Dovina	9-Feb-06/6:58 AM
In that case, why not polish a Kurd?
Re: Faith on a cross by Caducus	9-Feb-06/6:57 AM
A very angry Cohen. Nice.
Re: The Perigenetic Prayer by ALChemy	9-Feb-06/6:50 AM
Wow. Ever read 'The Thunder, Perfect Mind' (from the Gnostic Gospels)?
Re: cryogenicide necrobot by baphomet	9-Feb-06/6:46 AM
Spelling and grammar! It makes it easier to read. I'm not yet sure whether I love or hate the last line...judgement will be suspended.
Re: Moonlight Paradox by Glasseyez	9-Feb-06/6:43 AM
Abstract, sometimes nonsensical. I love it. Stanza two equals Matrix by Catholic theology. Everything's about balance and the equation. Yes. The answer had better not disappoint.
Re: My Father’s World by Dovina	9-Feb-06/6:34 AM
Nicely nostalgic
Re: run'em'hard by grendal	9-Feb-06/6:32 AM
Stanza 4 = necromancy? Not sure I get this one but I'm a bit slow, so don't worry. Say hi to horus wherever he is.
Re: Going Away to Fight a War by wilco	9-Feb-06/6:28 AM
I was going to ask if you'd ever been to the solstice at Stonehenge, but as your profile says you're from the States I think probably not. Anyway, I see you have a vote average of over 6, that is a fucking awesome feat for this site with the amount of poems you've posted so I thought I'd say congrats. As for the poem, not bad at all; 'retired kite strings' is wonderful!
Re: Monkey Tree (Breathless edit) by ecargo	9-Feb-06/6:23 AM
A good edit, in my opinion you might want to put a few more rhymes in there to make it quicker to read - it feels like it should be a fast poem to reflect the speed of clambering up and tumbling down.
Re: The Acorn Daisies by MacFrantic	9-Feb-06/6:21 AM
The rhyme in the middle is good but it makes that section sweep by much faster than the rest; if I were you I'd keep a constant speed with this piece as it isn't particularly long. Other than that, very good!
Re: a comment on time (3rd draft) by Adriaan	7-Feb-06/3:14 AM
Keep it as it is; there is no such thing as a universally pronouncable haiku. As I said, I really like the idea behind it, and this draft is much more haiku-esque.
Re: Tonight (edit) by drnick	7-Feb-06/3:05 AM
Very good, not original but done much better than most. The only suggestion I have is to change 'started' (line 8) to 'begun'...it's easier to read, other than that - excellent!
Re: Blackbirds III by jmalone	7-Feb-06/2:57 AM
Lines 13, 14, 15, 16 aren't as good as the rest of it - they're very ordinary whereas the rest is nicely eloquent. I loved the first 4 lines. Excellent rhythm and the rhyme holds up pretty well.
Re: a comment on time (3rd draft) by Adriaan	6-Feb-06/1:12 PM
Okay, I much prefer this version. The only thing from my view is that the second line's a syllable too long - I pronounce 'rippling' with 3 syllables. If you don't pronounce it that way, disregard what I've said, if you do then all I'd do is get rid of 'the'. Other than that, perfect!
Re: "46 million babies a year" by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	6-Feb-06/11:04 AM
One more embrowned gasp of astonishment from the eerie bowels of Hell.
Re: Tales From The Outhouse by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	6-Feb-06/10:43 AM
If I could I would vote this 10 thrice over, once for the poeme, once for the timeline comment, and once for making me laugh until Mount Brownesuvius threatened to blow. Armageddon!
Re: a comment on time (3rd draft) by Adriaan	6-Feb-06/10:22 AM
I'd appreciate your views on my recent attempt, if you have the time.
Re: Bondage by MacFrantic	6-Feb-06/10:19 AM
I liked this one.