Re: Legless Insecurity by PoeticXTC	6-Feb-06/10:17 AM
The title led me to expect a more humorous poem. Not to say that it's a bad poem, of course. I'm assuming it's about a bully/jock/whatever kind of idiot you come across every day. Or maybe I'm reading it wrong. Even though it's a bit of a cliche, I liked the way you change direction in line 4; the poem just feels like it needs another couple of lines somewhere.
Re: UntitledPartTwo by click64	6-Feb-06/10:13 AM
There are a couple of good lines here but the rest isn't as good. See the comments on 'Untitled' to get the gist of it. Grammatical points - 'Wouldn't of' should be 'wouldn't have'. Line 17 'I trust the wrong people who I can't trust' makes no sense. The last line isn't good; don't end with a 'life' question...ever. It doesn't make for good reading. On the plus side, the first line is very promising. You could do this a lot better...in my opinion you should move away from talking about the issue as itself and instead use metaphorical language. Finally, try to come up with a title for your poems. A lot of good poets tend to use the title as a quick explanation of what the poetic metaphor means.
Re: Untitled by click64	6-Feb-06/10:05 AM
Right, the one part of this that stood out for me is the start of stanza 2; I assume you mean arranged marriages, right? Write about that, write about how it's (from your perspective) such an undesirable thing, write about the injustice you face. But the trick is to do what Dovina has said here: be original. Take it out of the first-person for starters...the 'top down' third-person poems generally suit this theme much more.
Re: FAITH by click64	6-Feb-06/9:59 AM
You capitalise 'Faith' and 'Pain', but not 'god'?!?
Re: a waste of time by hendrimike	6-Feb-06/9:57 AM
Should be longer, either you're a delinquent or you have far too much money for your own good! 8 years? That's a hell of a course!
Re: Inoperative Head Mechanism by D. $ Fontera	6-Feb-06/9:51 AM
Yes, the thinker's comeback. Nice sharp ending.
Re: Pendragon by ecargo	6-Feb-06/9:42 AM
Yes, nice. Not sure about 'drown in pain'...far too overused, and I thought from the title that there'd be reference to Excalibur in here, is that the intention of the final three lines?
Re: a comment on time (3rd draft) by Adriaan	6-Feb-06/9:34 AM
Better, although I feel it's still lacking something. Haikus are really tough to get right; I've never yet written one that I've been happy with. Hopefully the more experienced poets here will be of more use than me, because the idea behind this is really quite good.
Re: Idle Time by Angelicasassy	6-Feb-06/9:28 AM
Okay, nicely descriptive although a little simple (sorry, that sounds harsh - it's not meant to). I'd love to see you use more in the way of metaphor; see what other people write and experiment as you go. Keep at it though, this is a better start than most (including mine...)
Re: a comment on Anonymous Love by Angelicasassy	6-Feb-06/9:18 AM
zodiac, that was very diplomatic of you, I'm highly impressed! Angelica, you obviously have some poetic ability; take note of what zodiac's said here, be original and creative. If I've seen it before, I'll get bored of it quickly whereas if it makes me stop and think then I'm more likely to take it in. On a more specific note, the rhythm here is a little awkward in places, 'distant' (line 18) could be replaced, etc. etc. etc. As z says, welcome to the ranker!
Re: time (3rd draft) by Adriaan	6-Feb-06/8:27 AM
It's a nice three-liner, but it isn't a metaphor. Change the first three words; the idea of a haiku is that it is metaphorical.
Re: as you are by Adriaan	6-Feb-06/8:21 AM
Sweet enough.
Re: can you sing me a song by richa	6-Feb-06/8:18 AM
If I could sing sweetest of all I'd give you the Corpus Christi better than even the mighty Buckley managed. Sadly, nineteen-year-old chaps are not noted for having heavenly voices. I bet that zzinnia can sing, ask her.
Re: A Walk in the Park by Dovina	3-Feb-06/4:14 AM
Wonderful, stanza 2 in particular.
Re: a comment on The Book of Images by Dovina	2-Feb-06/1:40 PM
Can I request that you write a poem about cannibalism and hip swinging? Or am I being too cheeky here?
Re: a comment on The Book of Images by Dovina	2-Feb-06/1:38 PM
Ah, I understand now.
Re: Untouchable by rahson_s	2-Feb-06/1:37 PM
Presumably not an advisable situation to be in.
Re: Owain Glyndwr by Nicholas Jones	2-Feb-06/1:30 PM
You realise if you wanted you could go to Owain Glyndwr in Cardiff; Friday night's rock and metal night. By Burger King, just opposite the castle. Oh, and great poem!
Re: a comment on The Book of Images by Dovina	2-Feb-06/1:22 PM
Cannibals? No, they're far more likely to swing other peoples' hips in alluring manners. As for the disappearing comments, I'm sure there's something not quite right going on at the moment, lots of poems are listed as having more comments than can be seen, and some are listed as having none when they have been commented on. It's an enigma.
Re: Unhappy Marriages by Caducus	2-Feb-06/10:07 AM
Cynicism is certainly your speciality. I don't get as much from this one as from most of your poems...there's some good lines like 'sleep as squandered pearls', but it's lacking a certain punch at the moment. I don't know...maybe I'm talking rubbish.