on On Youth Revisited by vulcan
2 Nov 2004, 5:48 AM
'I wash my face/ and water splash' means you wash a water splash. Punctuation needed methinks.
on Perfect Time of Year by wilco
4 Nov 2004, 1:22 AM
Sounds nice. 'Different, if not for a lack of change' is a decent idea but wrong poem I think (there is change if dead leaves are falling).
on Silly sickness by fevriere
9 Nov 2004, 2:31 PM
Not sure about this one. 'You're something witty' where it is sounds bizarre. Short sentences are fine in building up tempo but the linebreaks impede this and I spent too much time figuring out how each line followed on from the other.
Most of your recent poems; soul fruit, a wanderlust to the new, zipmark'd etc have been pretty good (the use of composite words in wanderlust I enjoyed) and have sounded wonderful. I think part of the reason for this is the longer verses bring out your lyricality in a way this poem does not.
Most of your recent poems; soul fruit, a wanderlust to the new, zipmark'd etc have been pretty good (the use of composite words in wanderlust I enjoyed) and have sounded wonderful. I think part of the reason for this is the longer verses bring out your lyricality in a way this poem does not.
on keep on digging by nentwined
9 Nov 2004, 2:35 PM
I would replace the first two lines. A level knocks on a door?!. The second line is plain inelegant. And I would write more.
on A Child Learns (haiku) by poetryman
9 Nov 2004, 2:43 PM
This is not a haiku
it is a discredited view.
it is a discredited view.
on A Child Learns (haiku) by poetryman
10 Nov 2004, 7:43 AM
By posting your poem you are asking for it to be judged. 'Children are conceived with no hatred or racism' is saying that children are conceived by an act of love not hate. But what about children conceived through rape. Bachus has proved your statement to be false. No problem with that criticism. Haikus are traditionally 5-7-5 therefore the comment 'the second line has 8 syllables' is fair criticism. That you claim to be well read in haiku yet you write something which resembles a haiku in no way (except children can be in haikus) leaves you open to criticism on that score too. How can you turn on the critics for doing what is asked of them. Did someone tell you that everyone must like you and everyone must say nice things about you. Believe me there is nothing here that would not be said to your face. Poemranker however is not face to face, therefore it is kind of difficult to criticise face to face. If we could I am sure many would like to give you a slap for your apalling petulance.
on Dictionary Lesson by Dovina
16 Nov 2004, 11:50 AM
The T-word irritates me, I find the idea of poets (or anyone) saying what truth is a bit pretentious. The F-word in the penultimate line, the same. As for 'converse' maybe use reciprocal or something like that.
on Mice by MacFrantic
17 Nov 2004, 3:18 PM
Not sure this is a great insight into mice but it sounds ok. Apart from 'not but strife' which sounds ridiculous.
on Dictionary Lesson by Dovina
17 Nov 2004, 3:23 PM
I don't know if you meant this, but it reads as though there is no object of your 'love' but rather you are just transforming the phrase I love you.
on Mice by MacFrantic
19 Nov 2004, 8:35 AM
Congrats. Previously it was only the poem that was stupid. Following your defense of, it is now clear you are stupid.
on delete my account: ode to poem ranker by fuzzylogic
27 Nov 2004, 2:44 PM
Just out of interest what exactly will you be suing for.
on Dancing in Memories: Slipping Away In The House On The Hill by Stacy Stewart
11 Dec 2004, 3:47 AM
Needs quotation marks around the first two lines or the poem looks like some misguided tense experiment.
on Camping by jessicazee
20 Dec 2004, 2:40 AM
There seems no obvious reason for such short couplets here. The poem would benefit from having more solid chunks. Also 'already tell their tale' and other parts seem far too portentious. That is to say you are making the moth's death more significant than it is.
No, you can not just write down a sum, burble on about love, hate, fear and then make some guff conclusion. Your poem about converse blah blah had potential if it didn't lose its focus and conclude all manner of things. The idea of a maths poem is ok. But this is far too lazy. The last verse is cool.
on Pollution by Firestarter
20 Dec 2004, 3:00 AM
'What use is a thought that cannot be tasted?' come on surely you know the answer to that.
on The years write us by kawakurdi
20 Dec 2004, 3:02 AM
That is the second time in a few days I have heard the word palimpsest and the second time ever. Quite good, I would say you could always beef up the more prosaic lines. I Like 'lacking melody' for super-old people.
on some deleted poem
23 Dec 2004, 6:38 AM
The syllable count is not 5-7-5
The poems fail to not rhyme
The poems are not japanese
The poems are not about nature.
Now I am as liberal as anyone as to what constitutes a haiku but for goodness sake. What exactly did you think a haiku was.
The poems fail to not rhyme
The poems are not japanese
The poems are not about nature.
Now I am as liberal as anyone as to what constitutes a haiku but for goodness sake. What exactly did you think a haiku was.