on some deleted poem
11 Jan 2004, 12:05 PM
Always like this kind of style, the rushedness of it all and then the final line that stops the poem dead.
Doesn't need the lines though (that may just have been so p/r didn't get the format wrong).
Doesn't need the lines though (that may just have been so p/r didn't get the format wrong).
on Malaysia by Crakyamuni
11 Jan 2004, 12:08 PM
A furor like sedative? both words are kind of opposites.
Likewise trust your belly button is daft.
Other than that love the rhythm and rhyme (although to please the purists perhaps it should make more sense in places)
Likewise trust your belly button is daft.
Other than that love the rhythm and rhyme (although to please the purists perhaps it should make more sense in places)
on some deleted poem
8 Jan 2004, 1:18 PM
Laughable
on some deleted poem
8 Jan 2004, 1:20 PM
The use of tense in this limerick leads me to believe that grandfather died halfway through!
on i am probably on my 7th shot of vodka by tralala42001
11 Jan 2004, 12:13 PM
Not bad this, a bit short. Not enough for me to know what you mean by 'comforting touch on my breast' - is it sarcastic? I'm thinking so or do you like strangers? they are a stranger right?
on some deleted poem
11 Jan 2004, 12:19 PM
very short, good nonetheless, I do like elongated poems. I think you get to feel the texture of words like cycloptic and billowing/ black better
on Black Beach by Caducus
7 Jan 2004, 2:37 PM
Good, couldn't really get into the first verse, but the second is good. The stench rises/buried alive in dead fish stand out particularly.
'The beach is not environmentally friendly' seems a bit awkward though
'The beach is not environmentally friendly' seems a bit awkward though
on BreakBeat TimeTravel by nentwined
7 Jan 2004, 2:40 PM
The first line beak makes no sense to me.
on some deleted poem
7 Jan 2004, 2:43 PM
You condemned me by showing heaven is good (I think the first part may be an old quote).
The rhyming seems oddly placed though
The rhyming seems oddly placed though
on some deleted poem
7 Jan 2004, 2:45 PM
sleep with the fishes?
on Wicked Corruption by devilishnutcase
7 Jan 2004, 2:46 PM
All aroused? - surely some more creative use of language would better communicate your point.
on some deleted poem
3 Jan 2004, 12:03 PM
When I think of a lyric, I think of lines of waffle and then some incendiary line that can be quoted ad nauseum.
This is good too, like the musicality. It would probably make a decent vilanelle (like a lot of lyrics).
This is good too, like the musicality. It would probably make a decent vilanelle (like a lot of lyrics).
on some deleted poem
3 Jan 2004, 11:50 AM
'other' indeed!
on Haiku 2004 by Princess_Snowflake
3 Jan 2004, 11:54 AM
You seem to have put effort into getting the syllable count correct. Unfortunately it should be 5-7-5 not 5-5-7.
Personally I would say abandon the syllable counting and just write something in the spirit of haiku.
This poem is by no stretch of the imagination a haiku, but nevertheless I find it cute.
Personally I would say abandon the syllable counting and just write something in the spirit of haiku.
This poem is by no stretch of the imagination a haiku, but nevertheless I find it cute.
on Last flight of a goose by Bobjim
6 Jan 2004, 5:51 AM
In reverse this poem is ace!!!!
on Listen by candaliesa
6 Jan 2004, 5:55 AM
Again and wind is a nice half-rhyme.
A lot of cliches though such as my heart is free (has it been let out of your rib cage?)
Also hearts do not have melodies they have beats.
A lot of cliches though such as my heart is free (has it been let out of your rib cage?)
Also hearts do not have melodies they have beats.
on your wife's pain by peaceseeker
6 Jan 2004, 7:18 AM
Line breaks, well communicated, interesting idea, nice sounds.
Like the sentiment of that line, rings true.