on Jonquils, daffydils by fevriere
24 Feb 2004, 8:28 AM
What white temple, if you are to use paris, I would suggest make some reference other than it is paris.
Other than that cute, like knocking themselves dizzy
Other than that cute, like knocking themselves dizzy
on The Niche by Fear of Garbage
23 Feb 2004, 1:23 PM
I think the comparison between woodwork and nightmare needs to be more elaborate.
If it works it would be ace, but at the moment I am not getting it.
If it works it would be ace, but at the moment I am not getting it.
replying on A Dream by DarkThirteens
22 Feb 2004, 11:32 AM
The comment was in response to a mispelled comment by devina. I can't see any obvious mispelling in your piece.
Gone -- why is it capitalised.
Gone -- why is it capitalised.
on Troubled Mind by DarkThirteens
22 Feb 2004, 5:18 AM
This is perfectly alright.
on The Commanding Disobedince of Words by daggatolar
22 Feb 2004, 5:10 AM
instrument of sin? coyly CLS
on The Sipping of the Light by DeadtotheWorld
22 Feb 2004, 4:59 AM
What do the dreadful curtains symbolise, and are they dreadful because the match the sofa?
on Peeping Sun by dreamsdiefirst
22 Feb 2004, 4:34 AM
silk purse corset
hints of my covered self's
inner nudity
hints of my covered self's
inner nudity
replying on Poe ét tri by Blue Magpie
19 Feb 2004, 7:14 AM
No inher forest sounds too naff.
on The Angry Bush by wilco
19 Feb 2004, 7:12 AM
Quite cute. The last verse goes backwards though. I thought trouble was brewing. Then you tell us you are going to cut off ties - doesn't really follow.
on My heart had a war...no body won by sonawrote
17 Feb 2004, 1:52 PM
Should be reclassified a pimple for the line 'couldn't get your naked bod/ out of my mind'
Had me rolling around.
Had me rolling around.
on The daisy-chain girl by richa
17 Feb 2004, 1:41 PM
Put an extra verse as the poem did not state the girl was making daisy chains on the grass, still.
'we are not in ancient rome' 'with chains and feet'? (two roman measures).
'we are not in ancient rome' 'with chains and feet'? (two roman measures).
replying on The daisy-chain girl by richa
17 Feb 2004, 9:37 AM
Yes, the ancient rome bit was in reference to the resourcefulness of their measurement system.
A metaphor for how everything has a value (spriritual vs mathematic) in itself as knowledge.
A metaphor for how everything has a value (spriritual vs mathematic) in itself as knowledge.
replying on The daisy-chain girl by richa
17 Feb 2004, 8:59 AM
What I was trying for with 'we are not in ancient rome' was the ingenuity of their measurement system. The mile being a thousand paces, using wheel revolutions to measure length etc.
Measure being a play on measure of someones worth
Measure being a play on measure of someones worth
on Freud suggested that I commit murder. by DreamerSupreme
17 Feb 2004, 7:19 AM
Good,
There is a tendency to be a bit self-absorbed in some of your poems but this one steers well clear and is the better for it.
'this crazy brain of mine' is a bit look at me I'm crazy though. And jung? I wasn't aware he was obsessed with sex in the same way freud was.
There is a tendency to be a bit self-absorbed in some of your poems but this one steers well clear and is the better for it.
'this crazy brain of mine' is a bit look at me I'm crazy though. And jung? I wasn't aware he was obsessed with sex in the same way freud was.
on you're so romantic by plinkyponk
13 Feb 2004, 9:24 AM
And this is why there is no respected anthology for schizophrenic poetry.
The free association.
The free association.
on Nowhere but now by phbiscuit
12 Feb 2004, 11:37 AM
Good, short lines are always difficult as the break should serve a purpose.
on Sweet Goodbye by ashley
12 Feb 2004, 8:24 AM
Too many pop cliches
- to you... you do
- crazy in love -
- love is real -
- laidback style - so naff it would appear in a blue song.
- to you... you do
- crazy in love -
- love is real -
- laidback style - so naff it would appear in a blue song.
on i need a title by That One
12 Feb 2004, 8:18 AM
Third line get rid of just
Spell realitye correctly
And try and make the final four lines make sense.
In terms of a title - find a theme in the poem, or write a startling image. That could be used as the title.
Spell realitye correctly
And try and make the final four lines make sense.
In terms of a title - find a theme in the poem, or write a startling image. That could be used as the title.
on Lisa's Song by horus8
12 Feb 2004, 7:57 AM
Apart from verses 4 and 6 which are a little lighweight, this really packs a lot of stuff into its lines.
You are crying... why do you jest.
Blackened ivory -- ivory is a cream colour, why would you blacken it, especially for use as braille.
The final verse.