on Three Daughters by <~>
4 Dec 2002, 5:25 AM
Too much a shaggy dog tale to qualify as a proper poem. But iit is well done nonetheless.
on My Mountain (An ode to the nature poem) by Bachus
4 Dec 2002, 5:19 AM
Aaahh, the South Park School again.
The last line has seven beats. Should be six. Spoils it. What about - To fuck you all my life ? Love may be more delicate. Choice depends on the sensibilities of the recipient. I really like this poem but I want to tinker with other bits too. For instance delete "with your clothes" on (it is too weak) Substitute "with suspenders" or "in bikinis".
on The Nights Draw In by Nicholas Jones
4 Dec 2002, 5:04 AM
A lovely touch (again)
on trapoide by Angel_of_fait
4 Dec 2002, 4:59 AM
Rap is as valid a format as a sonnet but it has to make sense. What Cat stole my reality? What do you mean by "not distressing your (my?) reality? A generation have fallen in love with the SOUND of words. They get off on alliteration and rhyme but many are guilty of failing to combine it with coherernce and meaning. Go on Victoria, rise up from rap lyrics, write poetry! You have a feeling for it. Go for it!
on Walk in a dream (an ode to self help poems) by Bachus
4 Dec 2002, 4:50 AM
The South Park School of Poetry. Quite enchanting
on Feelings Inside by confuzdlilgirl
4 Dec 2002, 4:47 AM
Doesn't have the quality of some of your other poems. Metre is erratic. The rhymes could be improved. This is a draft to work on. Come on. You can do it.
on Remember-me (an ode to those dropped off at the clinic) by Bachus
4 Dec 2002, 4:42 AM
Some misspellings here and a few creaky rhymes. But it has a faux naif appeal. (sorry to sound pretentious). The PS works well and has the ring (and sting) of truth.
on Ode to a Depleted Uranium Shell by Yardbird
4 Dec 2002, 4:24 AM
Very clever. Very thought-provoking.
on Ode to the Severn Bridge by Gwyrfab
4 Dec 2002, 4:22 AM
Heh and who gets more money per capita from Westminster AND Brussels - the English or the Welsh? Come on, you are above this petty nationalism. You are a good writer with some sensible targets. Hating the English is so parochial.
on i got a really big fan by Flattop
4 Dec 2002, 4:19 AM
Wonderful light verse
on The Dreamer by Nicholas Jones
4 Dec 2002, 4:16 AM
Quite lovely. I forgive you all the inexact rhymes
on Suburban Horror by phbiscuit
4 Dec 2002, 4:14 AM
I love this. Sole flaw is the plural on speak (s). Could you re-work the line? Something like "Retreating when my neighbor cares to speak"
on All is Just a Crush by confuzdlilgirl
4 Dec 2002, 4:07 AM
Quite brilliant. Beautifully composed
on THE MISSING HEART by Prince of Void
4 Dec 2002, 4:06 AM
This is not a sonnet. Sonnet has a strict format. Re categorise it
on Surreal... by Yardbird
4 Dec 2002, 4:03 AM
This is very funny. You started to lose me though towards the end. And I live only half a mile from Fulham FC of which you spoke. What would our friends in the US make of your refenrences? It should be read by Richard E Grant in the manner of his brilliant performance in Withnail and I
on the girl what gave scott the look by UAFANTHORPEY
4 Dec 2002, 3:42 AM
Dear Mr Ufanthorpey,
I contend that it is only in male dreams that women are quite so carnal and horny when gazing at a stranger. But I could be wrong.
I contend that it is only in male dreams that women are quite so carnal and horny when gazing at a stranger. But I could be wrong.
on Elegy for Lonnie Donegan by Nicholas Jones
4 Dec 2002, 3:36 AM
This is beautifully written. But it leans more to prose than verse. What the hell, I enjoyed it.
on On waiting to pick up my daughter on Tuesday by poetandknowit
4 Dec 2002, 3:21 AM
Dear Sir or should I call you by your abbreviation "PK"? Thank you for your response to my comment. You have a great talent. The problem for you is that those who have read your work, (I read about four in the Best File) notice when you are not giving your all. Have you a collection you can send me by e-mail? I am a new member of this circle. And yesterday I submitted three poems which I would be most grateful for you to have a peek at. One is written in the romping style of Hilaire Belloc - best to be recited probably - Tribute to A friend. The other two are Hattie and Party Mugging (Again). May not be your sort of thing but please have a look. Best wishes, Nicholas