on The Cherub Bird's Love Song by RWAndersen
15 Aug 2002, 8:30 AM
trite, and not a freeform poem
on some deleted poem
15 Aug 2002, 8:25 AM
trite
on Bein' Vegan by poetandknowit
17 Sep 2002, 5:51 AM
I think "yummey" has a different tonethan the rest of the poem.
on Dick Cheney, Man of Tomorrow by bondjedi
11 Sep 2002, 7:17 AM
I've seen 10 poems, and this one came uo three times.
on Inner Peace by god
11 Sep 2002, 7:17 AM
I've seen eleven poems, this one has come up 4 times.
on When I Sleep Alone by Jody Conn
15 Aug 2002, 8:38 AM
I'm sire you meant "envelop"--unless you were planning to mail them somewhere :)
on School girls lovely school girls by ==Doylum
16 Aug 2002, 5:22 AM
there are some disrupted rhythms here (such as "anywhere" in 2nd to last line),you've got a potentially good sounding poem, as long as you don't let your pervesrion cloud your craft. (and it is "memories")
on Bloody cow by ==Doylum
16 Aug 2002, 5:26 AM
as to the last comment--you owe reality nothing! aside from the fact that this poem is very weak, your last response tells me that you've restricted yourself in the world of reality--sacrifice that for the sake of the sounds in the poem. Giving an attitude to a valid critique will only serve to flaunt your amateur status and alienate you from the people who actually car about these types of things.
on moon rants by bluwiz
16 Aug 2002, 7:11 AM
It is as full of potential as any I've seen. tighten the language (like cutting out superfluous words such as "just"--a poem never needs the word "just", and you've got a sure winner here. very fresh.
on some deleted poem
16 Aug 2002, 7:17 AM
it needs more at the end--perhaps repetition of the first line and then something...not sure what.
on haunting by abecedarian
15 Aug 2002, 8:36 AM
decent words--perhaps you could toy with the line breaks to make it even better.
on The Cherub Bird's Love Song by RWAndersen
15 Aug 2002, 8:30 AM
trite, and not a freeform poem
on some deleted poem
15 Aug 2002, 8:33 AM
nice rhythm, but i'd lose the "river of emotion" idea.
on some deleted poem
20 Aug 2002, 5:08 AM
very nicely done. Bravo!
on When by OneFingerAnswer
5 Sep 2002, 11:06 AM
nicely done. lovely morbidity. cool.