show, don't tell

i would give a higher rank, but it doesn't follow 5-7-5 syllable restriction
but the content is very cool

very well structured, very nice iambic and ryhme
i would suggest working on the couplet at the end... it feels a little stilted

this is not a sonnet, you should look up the structure...
sonnets are strictly iambic pentameter, you can deviate a little, but not that much
you also follow a strict ryhme scheme depending on the type
english sonnet for instance is: abab cdcd efef gg
that last couplet (gg) should answer the previous stanzas somehow

your content and ryhme are excellent, and your meter over all is iambic, but you miss the "pentameter" part of the english sonnet form
basically every line should have 10 syllables
otherwise, good work!

pretty interesting poem, structurally sound, but i think your iambic meter could use a little work
i liked it, but it does feel a bit preachy (but maybe that's what you were going for?)

amen, but you forgot the "goth" sub-genre... where common themes and words include "blood, darkness, soul, cutting"

this is trite and elementary, sorry
but you get at least a 4 for solid structure

hmmm, solid concrete
not sure what you are trying to say though
still, it's good in what it is

cute

not a sonnet, sorry

you need to show, not tell
and you need to be much more specific
generic moment in time is just that - generic
and no one cares about it
don't be afraid to give some of yourself
and please run spellchecker before posting :)

um, yeah... this is just... yeah... SO bad
and hey, if you don't like getting ranked
go post your crap somewhere else
makes things easier on all of us that way, don't you think?

wow, preachy much?
you're never gonna convert anyone with that judgemental tone
try reading milton's paradise lost for some good christian poetry

i read in your comments that this was written when you were "at the top of Mt. Eagle in Tenn." at a truck stop
throw in some specifics about that place to make this more interesting
right now it reads more like monologue than poetry

slant rhyme, enjambment, please use these techniques
this is also a great candidate for the split couplet form and i think it would really pick up the pace and fit your theme well
also, show us WHY you feel this way and have to keep it all bottled inside

i agree with z about the war line
it doesn't fit and feels cliché
unless "war" refers to some other kind of war (internal)
and if so, that should be more obvious
and even then, i don't know
the ampersands also seemed a bit out of sorts with the other proper punctuation
personally i would capitalize "Daddy"
and break into a new stanza after that sequence
additionally the two instances of "I discovered" and "naked" felt repetitious for no discernable reason
however, overall you paint a very surreal and eerie feeling that i enjoyed

first stanza: its instead of it's
i really dislike the entire second stanza, it feels very cliche compared to the rest of the piece
third stanza: barren feels too dramatic
i thought of this as a potential replacement when i read that line:

Leaving my horizon undone.

which leads nicely into the next stanza with the sun setting
also, nice refrain at the end

"body, heart & soul"???
come on, i know you know that this has got to be the worlds most cliche word combo
don't you know this???
ugh, this is putrid