on Amputee by INTRANSIT
4 Mar 2003, 1:48 PM
p.s.--this is one of your best.
on some deleted poem
5 Mar 2003, 11:48 AM
do they eat asian pears in asia, or just in NYC and cali?
on some deleted poem
4 Mar 2003, 11:04 AM
poetry is not a sleeping form. beware of the overstated.
on some deleted poem
6 Mar 2003, 12:01 PM
couldn't the suicide bit be last, so at least we have some hope?
on The Tragic Life of a Stinky Cheese Man by bunniesnangels
4 Mar 2003, 1:52 PM
i'll take danish bleu over cookies any day.
keen-edged hurt, here.
did you know that these regrow? they will look and feel different--maybe a different color or shape--they will have different sensitivities. but they will serve you well, as you will them. it's not over. step into the current. get washed away in the whitewater. it's the only way to fly.
did you know that these regrow? they will look and feel different--maybe a different color or shape--they will have different sensitivities. but they will serve you well, as you will them. it's not over. step into the current. get washed away in the whitewater. it's the only way to fly.
on The Eskimo and the fish by INTRANSIT
4 Mar 2003, 1:43 PM
hey, intransit.
some questions for you:
do inuits chant when fishing? does this scare the fish? because of these nagging thoughts, i have issues with the way you have changed the poem. you have taken something pritine and clear, and thrown sediment into it. the chant is too sentimental, i think. if spiritualistic contemplation is your aim, change "auger" back to "augur", and go from there.
your second chant changes him from automaton to thinker, which is not a bad shift, but, i think, shows too much intrusion of mind for a piece that focus on rote. it's a start of a shift, but not an entire shift.
okay, the thoughts came out full formed. trim them.
some questions for you:
do inuits chant when fishing? does this scare the fish? because of these nagging thoughts, i have issues with the way you have changed the poem. you have taken something pritine and clear, and thrown sediment into it. the chant is too sentimental, i think. if spiritualistic contemplation is your aim, change "auger" back to "augur", and go from there.
your second chant changes him from automaton to thinker, which is not a bad shift, but, i think, shows too much intrusion of mind for a piece that focus on rote. it's a start of a shift, but not an entire shift.
okay, the thoughts came out full formed. trim them.
on The Drunkest ever by horus8
4 Mar 2003, 12:52 PM
must you end it without a match?
or is the pass-out implied here? more, more, more.
(S1--roll, not 'role'?)
or is the pass-out implied here? more, more, more.
(S1--roll, not 'role'?)
on Prometheus sang for vultures by horus8
5 Mar 2003, 12:29 PM
yes:
dodos. hawks. pigeons.
no:
peacocks. chickens. dinosaurs.
dodos. hawks. pigeons.
no:
peacocks. chickens. dinosaurs.
on Something for Lynn by Jeremi B. Handrinos
5 Mar 2003, 10:44 AM
shit. bleed tears all over me, and not a kleenex in situ. still negative? good. have a 9.
on Homecomings by Nicholas Jones
4 Mar 2003, 11:11 AM
nicholas--there's unplanted topsoil here, until the last 4 lines. stop telling me. you've fallen off here. use your eyes to write with, your nose, your fingertips and toes.
on some deleted poem
5 Mar 2003, 10:41 AM
i k ow we t ied. .
s iff niff bli f.
here's a shaved peach for your troubles, troubled one. oops.
s iff niff bli f.
here's a shaved peach for your troubles, troubled one. oops.
on Aries, the God of war by Shardik
6 Mar 2003, 1:57 PM
better. too many throw-away words for a haiku, though:
ram horns crash, ____ ____
whet stones sharply grind ____ ____
Mars in retrograde.
get on it son!!!
ram horns crash, ____ ____
whet stones sharply grind ____ ____
Mars in retrograde.
get on it son!!!
on One More Mile by marvelis
6 Mar 2003, 12:02 PM
stop
rhyming
NOW.
go to vegas. loosen up.
rhyming
NOW.
go to vegas. loosen up.
on A Losing Streak by Jigg
6 Mar 2003, 12:04 PM
what happens if you duct tape buttered toast, butter side up, of course, to a cat, and drop it off the top of a building?
do you create an anti-gravity field? didn't someone try this once?
the cat HAS to land on its feet. the toast HAS to land butter-side down.
maybe -=Dark_Angel=- can step in, and offer a ray of light, here? or at least some sort of conditional statement?
do you create an anti-gravity field? didn't someone try this once?
the cat HAS to land on its feet. the toast HAS to land butter-side down.
maybe -=Dark_Angel=- can step in, and offer a ray of light, here? or at least some sort of conditional statement?
on Text Messages Sent by blueENDyellow
6 Mar 2003, 12:00 PM
how does this have anything to do with text messages?
on some deleted poem
7 Mar 2003, 7:06 AM
i thought you pitched a tent 'most every day?
on Aries, the God of war by Shardik
6 Mar 2003, 12:19 PM
ewe. y the comma?