on some deleted poem
24 Jan 2003, 8:44 AM
too obvious. good thought, but work it a little deeper. and lose about 6 of the somes.
on some deleted poem
25 Jan 2003, 10:04 PM
SHIELD THINE EYES!
THE DARK TRIANGLE OF SHAME IS AFOOT!
THE DARK TRIANGLE OF SHAME IS AFOOT!
on Love spank by Shardik
31 Jan 2003, 8:34 AM
only if you'll buy me one of those 'silk' roses, with a 'teardrop' on them the next time you stop for diesel. sweetheart.
now, did you want the maid, or the nurse?
now, did you want the maid, or the nurse?
on Small Town Tavern by NinjaPoet
30 Jan 2003, 11:30 AM
you got me all heated up with a strong start...and then, well, nothing. you lost me at ac/dc. you lost 'it' then too.
do over.
do over.
on some deleted poem
30 Jan 2003, 1:09 PM
Quicky, now! Your shoes are on the Wronge feete! "I realised that the pub wasn't really a pub. It was the chasm of our own self-belief." Ande which Pubbe is not, Sirrah? You are losing your purplish Grippe on Mast'ry of the Obvious. This is weak, and not ready for pub-lick-aye-shin.
on some deleted poem
30 Jan 2003, 1:10 PM
was she selling wind chimes for a church?
on some deleted poem
28 Jan 2003, 7:03 PM
you are missing the stab. wound me, and let my blood be the red of her hem. i can almost see it. almost.
on Pandora's box by Lynn
28 Jan 2003, 7:00 PM
damn. you are so on when you do this kind of thing. excellent modernization. fantastic twist. and then we were undone.
you make me jealous, girl.
you make me jealous, girl.
on Hermes Trigamestus (was not a monk edit) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
28 Jan 2003, 8:17 AM
wrap it up, h. this needs one more. 2 is not complete. give trigamestus the triad treatment, and then i will vote.
and it won't be a fucking 5.
and it won't be a fucking 5.
on some deleted poem
24 Jan 2003, 8:01 AM
a particular monarch-type-lady was famous for her insatiable appetities.
she had a sling built for her favorite stud. yep, horse. it has even been rumored that she died when the sling broke:
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_
she had a sling built for her favorite stud. yep, horse. it has even been rumored that she died when the sling broke:
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_
on some deleted poem
24 Jan 2003, 11:43 AM
okay. the title is cliche. do you want that? or do you want this to be a specific person, and not a generalization? (hint!)
are you talking to the man who smells of the perfume, or to a third party? keep it between 2 people--more intimate--and have the 'whore' reference be the outsider.
or, make it between 2 women, bitter, and talking about a cheater--
He came home fragrant with
some sad whore's expensive scent
that a guy like him
gave to sweeten the pang of his act
something like that, maybe?
are you talking to the man who smells of the perfume, or to a third party? keep it between 2 people--more intimate--and have the 'whore' reference be the outsider.
or, make it between 2 women, bitter, and talking about a cheater--
He came home fragrant with
some sad whore's expensive scent
that a guy like him
gave to sweeten the pang of his act
something like that, maybe?
on Starving at Tiffany's by horus8
24 Jan 2003, 12:16 PM
work with me on the damn punctuation, h! you are getting tighter, so i will be harsher, since i'm good at the picky shit. so, CRACK!! tighten, boy! CRACK!!!
and, you don't need the quotation marks on every occurance of the title. my sugg. is to make it a title once, and leave it as a description of a person the rest of the time.
and, you don't need the quotation marks on every occurance of the title. my sugg. is to make it a title once, and leave it as a description of a person the rest of the time.
on some deleted poem
24 Jan 2003, 12:17 PM
"Like film off a camera"
like film from a camera?
film falls off a proector reel, and
out of a camera...
like film from a camera?
film falls off a proector reel, and
out of a camera...
on The Other Side of Me by Quarton
24 Jan 2003, 7:56 AM
very nice indeed.
this is the weakest point:
~
A tempter who could speak
without debate,
his opinions most convincingly.
How he would talk--on and on
incessantly,
~
ironically, the language is not convincing.
i particularly like the way you begin this poem--as though your mask is a stranger. it does feel that way, at times. remember that you are the fabricator and the fabricatee.
perhaps old age, and wisdom help us meld the two.
i will not rank until you convince me. nice effort.
this is the weakest point:
~
A tempter who could speak
without debate,
his opinions most convincingly.
How he would talk--on and on
incessantly,
~
ironically, the language is not convincing.
i particularly like the way you begin this poem--as though your mask is a stranger. it does feel that way, at times. remember that you are the fabricator and the fabricatee.
perhaps old age, and wisdom help us meld the two.
i will not rank until you convince me. nice effort.
on No more tears, or trail by Bachus
24 Jan 2003, 8:33 AM
DAMN YOU FOR MAKING ME THINK OF THE BROTHERS GIBB AT THIS UNGODLY HOUR!!!
(shadow dancin', bay-bee you do it right...) (eat your heart out, nicholas jones!!!)
(shadow dancin', bay-bee you do it right...) (eat your heart out, nicholas jones!!!)
on some deleted poem
23 Jan 2003, 7:56 PM
why did you break the form? it was undulating, and you flattened it on the left, and it seems as though it was not intentional--just careless--regardless ofwhether it was or not.
so, what are friends for, if not to call you on such matters?
so, what are friends for, if not to call you on such matters?
on Jesus was a necromancer by horus8
22 Jan 2003, 5:20 PM
sorry, h.
we all hate you now.
ornella convinced us that you are bad.
hear that tanya? you win! you can go away now; we don't like him any more.
have a nine for your poem, well, because i know.
we all hate you now.
ornella convinced us that you are bad.
hear that tanya? you win! you can go away now; we don't like him any more.
have a nine for your poem, well, because i know.
on some deleted poem
21 Jan 2003, 6:46 PM
she has no shield, and she's tossed off the veils (among other, more animate bits)...
on Starving at Tiffany's by horus8
24 Jan 2003, 7:13 AM
this is nicer than a little blue box tied up with a crisp white ribbon.
on Me and My Girl by NinjaPoet
31 Jan 2003, 8:53 AM
or, for www.ratemypoo.com
don't be shy. submit.
don't be shy. submit.