on some deleted poem
13 Feb 2003, 8:21 AM
better than a booming crappie ass. of course, you could always use dynamite. my friend joe can get you some.
on The Cheetah (dedicated to zzinnia) by Mr Pig
13 Feb 2003, 7:57 AM
do i know you?
on some deleted poem
2 Feb 2003, 10:28 PM
great until you got all preachy at the end.
on Untitled by LucidRevelation
3 Feb 2003, 3:52 PM
yep. mind is the culprit again.
on Languageing by ==Doylum
13 Feb 2003, 8:07 AM
how can ilisten when i am so caught up in looking at his face? he moves it.
on Just Your Average 'Death' Poem by Owner of the Sky
13 Feb 2003, 8:10 AM
you taught me a new word. and i like how you used it: anamnesis.
also, "Without so much as a by your leave" is strikingly protective and tender, used here. niely done.
also, "Without so much as a by your leave" is strikingly protective and tender, used here. niely done.
on The Tuesday Dogs by Caducus
9 Feb 2003, 11:24 AM
lose this line:
"On the eve of doom."
fix the ???.
this hits hard.
"On the eve of doom."
fix the ???.
this hits hard.
on some deleted poem
7 Feb 2003, 9:28 PM
swank, cad. the best thing you have written. nice job.
on While flipping over stones by <{Baba^Yaga}>
6 Feb 2003, 9:22 AM
2 things:
"With bare feet, and never a sock"
redundant. feels like you were trying too hard.
ending couplet suggestion:
my head swung low, as retreated, the sun
two holes now bled slow: so ended my fun.
"With bare feet, and never a sock"
redundant. feels like you were trying too hard.
ending couplet suggestion:
my head swung low, as retreated, the sun
two holes now bled slow: so ended my fun.
on The cross roads by Jeremi B. Handrinos
6 Feb 2003, 9:14 AM
did you at least pick up that snake oil i asked you to bring home? why, what was he asking for it?
on **The Therapist** by scitz
6 Feb 2003, 9:10 AM
the rhythm in this faulers, scitz. also, drop the last line.
also also--you cannot keep your feelings secret; they will out. you just went to the wrong one, is all. too bad there's no way beforehand to find a match.
also also--you cannot keep your feelings secret; they will out. you just went to the wrong one, is all. too bad there's no way beforehand to find a match.
on downtown bus by Bill Z Bub
6 Feb 2003, 8:41 PM
nicely done. i might change to this:
cellphones cradled,
cry like infants.
cellphones cradled,
cry like infants.
on Past by Dostoyevsky
6 Feb 2003, 7:31 PM
this is unfinished
on some deleted poem
6 Feb 2003, 7:30 PM
she'll jump at the chance when she hears you call her 'stupid whore'. oh, how she must have missed that!
on Morning Rainbows by Spindle
6 Feb 2003, 7:29 PM
cynical. as it should be.
on Rumble In The Jungle by scitz
6 Feb 2003, 7:26 PM
why the 6 degrees of separation? that's kevin bacon's gig.
nice action here. spell check it though!
nice action here. spell check it though!
on Love Under Will by Tyriana
5 Feb 2003, 1:48 PM
but still feels incomplete. what is your bond? (i mean, i know it's love, but i want more from this.)
on breathe on me? by emilyowey
6 Feb 2003, 6:40 PM
i'm sorry, but this makes you look pathetic. have some self-respect, child!
on some deleted poem
3 Feb 2003, 3:51 PM
love does not cause despair. mind causes despair. love is everything, dude.
on acid flashback by brazen
13 Feb 2003, 8:39 AM
la