poemranker ::20 most recent comments by <~> (861-880)

Comments by<~>, 861–880 back. Include replies

on Once upon a Christmas Eve by exoticwriter 30 Nov 2002, 5:35 PM
amen.
on some deleted poem 2 Dec 2002, 8:08 AM
all but the last line--disdain doesn't match lightning for me. quiver, maybe, but never disdain.
on The Slanty Shanty by Quarton 2 Dec 2002, 8:17 AM
very prosaic, and thoroughly enjoyable. i agree with hatters hare; also, fix a few typos.
reminds me of the time when a tornado went through new haven, taking out all the century-old sycamores and breaking not a single pane on the greenhouse across the street...
on Silence by Cha no Onna 3 Dec 2002, 8:29 AM
this is beautiful.
but, in the third stanza, you say we sing, then in the single line (s4?) you say that you are mute. you keep crossing the line/confusing solitary (i, them) and together (we). if you worked this out, this would be near perfect. nice job.
on some deleted poem 3 Dec 2002, 8:32 AM
you,ve remebered an awful lot for someone who has forgotten. nice job.
on Live from Boise Idaho...the cads! by Bachus 2 Dec 2002, 8:30 AM
DAMMIT, MAN! STOP READING MY DIARY!
on Iced by debased 2 Dec 2002, 6:32 AM
your line breaks don't make sense--bring the colors up onto the lines they modify, unless you have a reason for isolating them...

and, what is it that makes you unhappy now? maybe close with that.
on ODE TO NICHOLAS JONES III by lukehanney 2 Dec 2002, 6:52 AM
this is very funny. i had no idea that nicholas jones was such a resource for the poet in you.
on some deleted poem 2 Dec 2002, 6:53 AM
are you secretly in love with NJ? and trying to come out to the poemranker community?
on some deleted poem 2 Dec 2002, 6:54 AM
maybe you should try it, and write a poem about it....
on this is us by roses are read 30 Nov 2002, 5:46 PM
"to fix the goddamn thing so it doesn't tell the truth anymore."
who ever tells the truth, he dies.
on The postman just walked in, no ring was heard. by Bachus 30 Nov 2002, 5:48 PM
it's been too late for a long time, poor chap. admitting you have a problem is the first step, though.
sante! <slurp>
on Of Curves and Straight Lines by Quarton 30 Nov 2002, 5:59 PM
hone it. excellent ideas and images, but the clustering, the clustering! it drowns the piece.
on Utah by A. Nomaly 30 Nov 2002, 5:12 PM
i don't get it, but i like it. esp. the savant left-hand tools
on some deleted poem 30 Nov 2002, 5:22 PM
nice, esp. "hibernating like seed"

i don't get this part:
She's got everything it takes
Except of course
(question marks).
Status.

why the line (question marks).?

also, in scene 3, maybe 'conflict has entered the cell'? for the double entendre of film/trapped?

p.s.
:]
on broken bottles by richa 30 Nov 2002, 5:30 PM
which tubes are locked still by the storm? i feel clouds in s1 and again in s2, but i know this about the low moaning voice of the wind--so where do the roots come from in s3?
give me a clue>?
on Sealed with a kiss by Sugarbbybuttrfly 30 Nov 2002, 5:36 PM
um, should you have maybe put this in a letter to dan, so that only he saw it? i wish you had done that. truly i do.
on some deleted poem 30 Nov 2002, 5:42 PM
tint-this might pack more punch if you lost the passive voice, e.g., 'faces have been haunting me at night' or even, faces are haunting me at night'...
like the imagery. lots.
on some deleted poem 30 Nov 2002, 5:45 PM
"And I am powerless to draw your face in sound." howzabout 'write you voice in sound', since that's what you're on about?

again, beautifully done.
if you fall in love again, imagine the words you'll write. you note loss and longing so sweetly/sadly/superbly
on some deleted poem 2 Dec 2002, 6:58 AM
was that the urinal cake that jake ate?