on You are a divider by Bachus
15 Sep 2003, 7:15 AM
I like this, though I can't think why. 9.
on Falling by Lifeboatman
14 Sep 2003, 9:38 PM
cute.
on horse ass, whore ass, poor asses by peaceseeker
14 Sep 2003, 7:40 PM
strange.
on Broken Child by Artemis745
15 Sep 2003, 6:44 AM
I need more to see if you're saying something interesting. Some work on the flow of it would make people more willing to listen to whatever message you have.
on My nails are in love with your chalkboard by Jeremi B. Handrinos
15 Sep 2003, 6:45 AM
14. more poetry, less grocery list
on A Night Nurse by The_Third_Isis
15 Sep 2003, 7:13 AM
it stumbles at the beginning but picks up rhythm as it goes. why the gawdoffal speeling? but with a rhythm tuck and a spelling fix, I think this would be really nice. 7 as it is.
on Crunch by Semper Phildelis
15 Sep 2003, 8:48 AM
I laughed. 7.
on some deleted poem
15 Sep 2003, 9:53 AM
=)
why "title lies in poem", though?
9.
why "title lies in poem", though?
9.
on These are not just words by impert&ent
14 Sep 2003, 10:22 PM
Actually, I really like the first and third (last) stanzas. I think it would stand more strongly without the second. But I really like it. :)
on empty by timvick473662003
14 Sep 2003, 7:45 PM
"staring" not "starring".
a common theme. This doesn't stand out for me.
though a bit of curiousity in "hiding in the shadows" and being afraid of "them all" (the shadows you're hiding in, or all the staring people that aren't there?)
a common theme. This doesn't stand out for me.
though a bit of curiousity in "hiding in the shadows" and being afraid of "them all" (the shadows you're hiding in, or all the staring people that aren't there?)
on empty by timvick473662003
15 Sep 2003, 6:39 AM
why the "u" for "you"? is it part of the point of the poem, or do you think it's "cool"?
previous comments apply minus the "starring" (was the "u" there before? :/)
previous comments apply minus the "starring" (was the "u" there before? :/)
on some deleted poem
14 Sep 2003, 7:30 PM
"As if my life could get more rough." you mean "couldn't"?
trite.
how is this a concrete poem? [[ah, further down: lyric. you can change that, you know ;)]]
trite.
how is this a concrete poem? [[ah, further down: lyric. you can change that, you know ;)]]
on my fucking dad by timvick473662003
14 Sep 2003, 7:34 PM
you've got some good (if not overdone) material, but the execution of it leaves room for polish. or a couple more tries. I'd suggest losing the first stanza and getting straight into the action. less generic angst, more bloody details, more specific emotion, less... less of every other poem on this subject.
on Plastic is Forever by http://mulberryfairy
14 Sep 2003, 7:36 PM
I like this. could use some spit and polish, but I'm not quite sure where. 9.
on Watching My Son Sleep. by Mona Lisa
14 Sep 2003, 7:38 PM
why the dash in snoring?
on Alone by Artemis745
15 Sep 2003, 6:41 AM
I think the "big words" are trying too hard for something that's been said too much. Though "cloven wings" has me curious. ?
on < A Perfect Faith > by Mona Lisa
14 Sep 2003, 7:37 PM
I don't get it. :/
on levered 'n loved by A. Nomaly
15 Sep 2003, 2:11 PM
hmm.
?
?
on The Killing Festival Anthem by William Delacroix
15 Sep 2003, 6:40 AM
very cute. :)
on tRuNdLe WhEeL by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
14 Sep 2003, 7:44 PM
A couple matters of rhythm bug me, but I like the tone.