| Re: Spring Wind by William Delacroix |
16-Sep-03/7:12 AM |
well done, overall; I really like the form you used here. perhaps too blatant throughouht, and "time does not move forward in this place" made me think you had killed her, while later lines disabused this notion.
thoughts.
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| Re: Evacuation harnessed angel Vs. The antichrist by Bachus |
16-Sep-03/7:06 AM |
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cute, though the first and third lines seem too connected.
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| Re: Can you comment and vote? by LuckyJoe |
16-Sep-03/7:05 AM |
"to" hard? perhaps.
"of which you depend"? ew.
"one" and "come" should be split by a comma.
the flow is rocky. to a point? I see the one point, but the poem's got bits sticking out every which way, detracting (I think) from the spearhead.
but a cute idea.
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| Re: a comment on The Killing Festival Anthem by William Delacroix |
15-Sep-03/7:48 PM |
I am indeed. I wrote NFG (the website). It sucks, but it was a learning experience. Poemranker was written shortly after, and it sucks too. skwerms.org I'm still working on, and it sucks a little less.
There's another editor lurking about here, but I won't say who. ;)
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| Re: a comment on My nails are in love with your chalkboard by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
15-Sep-03/3:44 PM |
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Okay, now you're just having *WAY* too much fun. ;)
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| Re: a comment on My nails are in love with your chalkboard by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
15-Sep-03/3:02 PM |
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18. the book is always better. [[Mua'dib]]
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| Re: a comment on tRuNdLe WhEeL by ?-Dave_Mysterious-? |
15-Sep-03/2:51 PM |
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try it with one l. [[though a surprise to me at dictionary.com that two is a variant. though possibly not after the word 'vernier']]
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| Re: The Last Stop by Quiet-Ralph |
15-Sep-03/2:13 PM |
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a quaint viewpoint, but could be more powerfully presented. maybe if you gave examples of how you did nothing? also (for my taste) could use a bit more flow... or punctuation... or something. reads choppily.
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| Re: a comment on My nails are in love with your chalkboard by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
15-Sep-03/2:12 PM |
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| Re: levered 'n loved by A. Nomaly |
15-Sep-03/2:11 PM |
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| Re: Crunch by Semper Phildelis |
15-Sep-03/8:48 AM |
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| Re: a comment on sitting at the cliff's edge by nentwined |
15-Sep-03/8:46 AM |
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Ah; I understand your comment better now, and I'm flattered. Thank you. :)
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| Re: You are a divider by Bachus |
15-Sep-03/7:15 AM |
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I like this, though I can't think why. 9.
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| Re: A Night Nurse by The_Third_Isis |
15-Sep-03/7:13 AM |
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it stumbles at the beginning but picks up rhythm as it goes. why the gawdoffal speeling? but with a rhythm tuck and a spelling fix, I think this would be really nice. 7 as it is.
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| Re: My nails are in love with your chalkboard by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
15-Sep-03/6:45 AM |
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14. more poetry, less grocery list
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| Re: Broken Child by Artemis745 |
15-Sep-03/6:44 AM |
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I need more to see if you're saying something interesting. Some work on the flow of it would make people more willing to listen to whatever message you have.
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| Re: Alone by Artemis745 |
15-Sep-03/6:41 AM |
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I think the "big words" are trying too hard for something that's been said too much. Though "cloven wings" has me curious. ?
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| Re: The Killing Festival Anthem by William Delacroix |
15-Sep-03/6:40 AM |
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| Re: empty by timvick473662003 |
15-Sep-03/6:39 AM |
why the "u" for "you"? is it part of the point of the poem, or do you think it's "cool"?
previous comments apply minus the "starring" (was the "u" there before? :/)
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| Re: a comment on sitting at the cliff's edge by nentwined |
15-Sep-03/5:32 AM |
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very nicely done; I'm not insulted at all. could you point me to the original of what you blended?
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