on Evacuation harnessed angel Vs. The antichrist by Bachus
16 Sep 2003, 7:06 AM
cute, though the first and third lines seem too connected.
on Can you comment and vote? by LuckyJoe
16 Sep 2003, 7:05 AM
"to" hard? perhaps.
"of which you depend"? ew.
"one" and "come" should be split by a comma.
the flow is rocky. to a point? I see the one point, but the poem's got bits sticking out every which way, detracting (I think) from the spearhead.
but a cute idea.
"of which you depend"? ew.
"one" and "come" should be split by a comma.
the flow is rocky. to a point? I see the one point, but the poem's got bits sticking out every which way, detracting (I think) from the spearhead.
but a cute idea.
replying on The Killing Festival Anthem by William Delacroix
15 Sep 2003, 7:48 PM
I am indeed. I wrote NFG (the website). It sucks, but it was a learning experience. Poemranker was written shortly after, and it sucks too. skwerms.org I'm still working on, and it sucks a little less.
There's another editor lurking about here, but I won't say who. ;)
There's another editor lurking about here, but I won't say who. ;)
replying on My nails are in love with your chalkboard by Jeremi B. Handrinos
15 Sep 2003, 3:44 PM
Okay, now you're just having *WAY* too much fun. ;)
replying on My nails are in love with your chalkboard by Jeremi B. Handrinos
15 Sep 2003, 3:02 PM
18. the book is always better. [[Mua'dib]]
replying on tRuNdLe WhEeL by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
15 Sep 2003, 2:51 PM
try it with one l. [[though a surprise to me at dictionary.com that two is a variant. though possibly not after the word 'vernier']]
on The Last Stop by Quiet-Ralph
15 Sep 2003, 2:13 PM
a quaint viewpoint, but could be more powerfully presented. maybe if you gave examples of how you did nothing? also (for my taste) could use a bit more flow... or punctuation... or something. reads choppily.
replying on My nails are in love with your chalkboard by Jeremi B. Handrinos
15 Sep 2003, 2:12 PM
16. rinse, repeat.
on levered 'n loved by A. Nomaly
15 Sep 2003, 2:11 PM
hmm.
?
?
on Crunch by Semper Phildelis
15 Sep 2003, 8:48 AM
I laughed. 7.
replying on sitting at the cliff's edge by nentwined
15 Sep 2003, 8:46 AM
Ah; I understand your comment better now, and I'm flattered. Thank you. :)
on You are a divider by Bachus
15 Sep 2003, 7:15 AM
I like this, though I can't think why. 9.
on A Night Nurse by The_Third_Isis
15 Sep 2003, 7:13 AM
it stumbles at the beginning but picks up rhythm as it goes. why the gawdoffal speeling? but with a rhythm tuck and a spelling fix, I think this would be really nice. 7 as it is.
on My nails are in love with your chalkboard by Jeremi B. Handrinos
15 Sep 2003, 6:45 AM
14. more poetry, less grocery list
on Broken Child by Artemis745
15 Sep 2003, 6:44 AM
I need more to see if you're saying something interesting. Some work on the flow of it would make people more willing to listen to whatever message you have.
on Alone by Artemis745
15 Sep 2003, 6:41 AM
I think the "big words" are trying too hard for something that's been said too much. Though "cloven wings" has me curious. ?
on The Killing Festival Anthem by William Delacroix
15 Sep 2003, 6:40 AM
very cute. :)
on empty by timvick473662003
15 Sep 2003, 6:39 AM
why the "u" for "you"? is it part of the point of the poem, or do you think it's "cool"?
previous comments apply minus the "starring" (was the "u" there before? :/)
previous comments apply minus the "starring" (was the "u" there before? :/)
replying on sitting at the cliff's edge by nentwined
15 Sep 2003, 5:32 AM
very nicely done; I'm not insulted at all. could you point me to the original of what you blended?
thoughts.