Re: a comment on Iterated Fuck by nentwined	4-Jun-03/2:54 PM
possibly for someone. I think I did catch some points where I need to tighten the poem, after your reading. I'll have to listen to it a few times. :)
Re: a comment on Iterated Fuck by nentwined	4-Jun-03/2:52 PM
that was both well read and hilarious. Thank you. :)
Re: Worshipping the Porclin God by Derge	11-Apr-03/3:11 PM
All I can say is... strange. It does have a certain something to it.
Re: a comment on One Moment to the Other (v2) by nentwined	12-Mar-03/11:42 AM
thanks. :) I need a *#&$ job, period. :/
Re: A Losing Streak by Jigg	6-Mar-03/1:11 PM
I hear that.
Re: a comment on One Moment to the Other (v2) by nentwined	25-Feb-03/10:19 AM
Yeah, mem'ry and temp'ry suck balls. I know I wouldn't have written thus if there was no need to rhyme. Thanks for the feedback. :)
Re: a comment on Iterated Fuck by nentwined	19-Feb-03/10:03 AM
:heh: I was at a cafe and had no release simply available. I was far past the point of foreplay (things had been burning in the back of my mind all day). though mayhaps in an iteration of the poem some can be added.
Re: wandering, north by <~>	18-Feb-03/9:03 PM
I didn't like the rhythm in the last line of s1-5,7. but the rest I loved. 9. just posted a poem that was (sort of) an attempt to diverge from "my style" (and sort of just a needed, erm, release).
Re: a comment on One Moment to the Other (v2) by nentwined	17-Feb-03/9:12 PM
thank you. :) It is nice to think that my poetry skills may be slowly improving.
Re: Death Of Day ( re-edit) by Mr Pig	17-Feb-03/9:10 PM
I like "silver assassin", but the rest ... seems almost there. just not quite.
Re: THE WHEELCHAIR by Garrett S Sexton	17-Feb-03/9:06 PM
you whizzed on your legs?
Re: For my wife by INTRANSIT	17-Feb-03/9:04 PM
I think I would have liked hammock better (netted swing is poetic, but I didn't get it). this is simple and short, densely packed with common images, but... the collage is almost poignant. leans towards trite. maybe just the "ing ing ing".
Re: a comment on One Moment to the Other (v2) by nentwined	16-Feb-03/7:56 PM
ta, maybe. :)
Re: Kaolin Fire is SHIT by poemwanker	2-Feb-03/11:56 PM
:sniff: You CARE, you really CARE!
Re: a comment on One Moment to the Other (v2) by nentwined	2-Feb-03/8:09 PM
:hands the lady two buns and a severed head besides: an awful lot of chatter for only two votes on the poem ;)
Re: a comment on One Moment to the Other (v2) by nentwined	2-Feb-03/7:52 PM
no, more just cramming in the syllables because I'm not a poet enough to have better words. Though I like 'tis.
Re: ending by Limness	29-Jan-03/3:07 PM
very nice. :)
Re: Longing by galiana	28-Jan-03/1:14 AM
why do you switch form near the end? it wasn't entirely pleasing, but it worked better in solidarity, at least. nothing here for me, though.
Re: a comment on Melancholy Tale by aperfecttool77	27-Jan-03/9:26 PM
honestly, it's very hard to come up with constructive criticism. Not because it's the worst poem ever written, but because... it's like all the worst poems ever written, to a degree. I've probably written more poems than anyone else ever wanted me to in this vein, and... somehow, over time, my writing changed. It may not be any better, but I manage to fail in more unique ways now, I hope. The theme you present, "ode to my lost soul" a.k.a. "I'm bleeding my heart out, dammit, and it's messy", is very difficult to do anything with. Actually, a thought -- I'm sure it's been done, but it might be interesting: how about varying your pleas for help with your "other's" responses. or even, pretend they're writing some sort of poem about you; probably not in the same vein, but... get in their head and give us a more developed picture of the situation. So beyond that (and it's really hard to get beyond that, so this advice is likely less helpful than it could be) -- the rhythm/cadence/flow of the poem stumbles. Try getting a friend to read it out loud -- wherever it sounds wrong to you when they read it, work on it. Poetry isn't just about linebreaks and occasional sing-songiness (it can be, but you should REALLY know what you're doing in that case, and still most folks (probably including me) won't appreciate it). And lastly (but not least... ly?) -- the poem is "fluffy". The statements are, for a poem, relatively vague and not indicative of any sort of strong imagery; there's nothing that makes me want to connect, and there's nothing that forces me to connect.
Re: Emergency by Nicholas Jones	27-Jan-03/10:01 AM
I think I need more context for this. as it, it seems pointlessly haphazard/random.