on some deleted poem
17 Jul 2003, 10:08 AM
Very good indeed.
on beyond sences by calilegzzz
17 Jul 2003, 7:03 AM
A very mysterious 6 for you, I think.
on Pretzel by daryash-koh
17 Jul 2003, 7:08 AM
I don't understand this one. Too obscure by far.
on some deleted poem
18 Jul 2003, 2:09 AM
lol very imaginative and nicely done!
on some deleted poem
18 Jul 2003, 2:10 AM
Interesting. You might want to correct the misspelling of "tongue".
on The Girl Who Is Gone by BuffysBack419
18 Jul 2003, 2:13 AM
A bit child-like, but I expect that the simple style has been adopted consciously and for a specific effect. Correct me if I'm wrong. The first stanza was undoubtedly the best bit. The rest needs polishing.
on some deleted poem
18 Jul 2003, 2:14 AM
Promising. With a bit of a rewrite it could be truly haunting. You might want to correct the misspelling of "deranged".
on Mistaken Paradise by DJCARTER
18 Jul 2003, 2:16 AM
A bit of a mess, but I like the sentiments expressed! The rhythm is rather jolting, like a nervous driver applying the brakes too frequently in heavy traffic.
on some deleted poem
18 Jul 2003, 7:02 AM
I like the second and third lines, but the rest needs to be worked on. Again you repeat the sentiment too often without progessing.
on some deleted poem
18 Jul 2003, 8:10 AM
What has been changed in this edit? I can't spot the difference between this version and the previous version.
on Border towns & the runs by horus8
17 Jul 2003, 7:07 AM
The fourth stanza is great, but the poem goes all flabby and loses its shape at the end.
on The Mcdonald Haikus by scitz
17 Jul 2003, 7:31 AM
A good idea disappointly executed
on Aluminum Xena - Prima Ballerina by SupremeDreamer
17 Jul 2003, 7:05 AM
Wow. Great imagery. A well-deserved 9, my boy.
on some deleted poem
17 Jul 2003, 7:12 AM
Your poems make me think of the lonely kid who shows everyone the scars on his wrists. It's all too obvious, like being hit in the face with a blast of teenage angst. Things will get better when you grow up.
on some deleted poem
17 Jul 2003, 7:33 AM
No unity whatsoever. A big mess.
on Class Life by lorigan85
17 Jul 2003, 7:36 AM
This poem is still a jumble of raw emotion. It needs to be beaten into shape a bit more.
on Train Suicide by snjofridur1
17 Jul 2003, 7:39 AM
"And the steel wheels toss steel rails far behind, / swallowing everything" - these lines are brilliant, given the context. Very good overall.