replying on Paean by Terence
19 Jul 2003, 1:59 AM
Thanks! Are you sure you didn't prefer JBH's scallop/barnacle rewrite?
on Mistaken Paradise by DJCARTER
18 Jul 2003, 2:16 AM
A bit of a mess, but I like the sentiments expressed! The rhythm is rather jolting, like a nervous driver applying the brakes too frequently in heavy traffic.
on The Girl Who Is Gone by BuffysBack419
18 Jul 2003, 2:13 AM
A bit child-like, but I expect that the simple style has been adopted consciously and for a specific effect. Correct me if I'm wrong. The first stanza was undoubtedly the best bit. The rest needs polishing.
replying on Border towns & the runs by horus8
17 Jul 2003, 10:05 AM
You must agree that the second half of the penultimate stanza and the whole of the last stanza are a waste of space reminiscent more of a holiday diary than a poem. These lines are narrative "chit chat". I hope I'm not being unduly negative. I should stress that I love the first part of the poem. Please try to accept a bit of constructive criticism for once.
on Train Suicide by snjofridur1
17 Jul 2003, 7:39 AM
"And the steel wheels toss steel rails far behind, / swallowing everything" - these lines are brilliant, given the context. Very good overall.
on Class Life by lorigan85
17 Jul 2003, 7:36 AM
This poem is still a jumble of raw emotion. It needs to be beaten into shape a bit more.
replying on The Mcdonald Haikus by scitz
17 Jul 2003, 7:31 AM
*disappointingly
on The Mcdonald Haikus by scitz
17 Jul 2003, 7:31 AM
A good idea disappointly executed
on Pretzel by daryash-koh
17 Jul 2003, 7:08 AM
I don't understand this one. Too obscure by far.
on Border towns & the runs by horus8
17 Jul 2003, 7:07 AM
The fourth stanza is great, but the poem goes all flabby and loses its shape at the end.
on Aluminum Xena - Prima Ballerina by SupremeDreamer
17 Jul 2003, 7:05 AM
Wow. Great imagery. A well-deserved 9, my boy.
on beyond sences by calilegzzz
17 Jul 2003, 7:03 AM
A very mysterious 6 for you, I think.