20 most recent comments by Terence

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regarding some deleted poem... 17-Jul-03/10:08 AM
Very good indeed.
Re: beyond sences by calilegzzz 17-Jul-03/7:03 AM
A very mysterious 6 for you, I think.
Re: Pretzel by daryash-koh 17-Jul-03/7:08 AM
I don't understand this one. Too obscure by far.
regarding some deleted poem... 18-Jul-03/2:09 AM
lol very imaginative and nicely done!
regarding some deleted poem... 18-Jul-03/2:10 AM
Interesting. You might want to correct the misspelling of "tongue".
Re: The Girl Who Is Gone by BuffysBack419 18-Jul-03/2:13 AM
A bit child-like, but I expect that the simple style has been adopted consciously and for a specific effect. Correct me if I'm wrong. The first stanza was undoubtedly the best bit. The rest needs polishing.
regarding some deleted poem... 18-Jul-03/2:14 AM
Promising. With a bit of a rewrite it could be truly haunting. You might want to correct the misspelling of "deranged".
Re: Mistaken Paradise by DJCARTER 18-Jul-03/2:16 AM
A bit of a mess, but I like the sentiments expressed! The rhythm is rather jolting, like a nervous driver applying the brakes too frequently in heavy traffic.
regarding some deleted poem... 18-Jul-03/7:02 AM
I like the second and third lines, but the rest needs to be worked on. Again you repeat the sentiment too often without progessing.
regarding some deleted poem... 18-Jul-03/8:10 AM
What has been changed in this edit? I can't spot the difference between this version and the previous version.
Re: Border towns & the runs by horus8 17-Jul-03/7:07 AM
The fourth stanza is great, but the poem goes all flabby and loses its shape at the end.
Re: The Mcdonald Haikus by scitz 17-Jul-03/7:31 AM
A good idea disappointly executed
Re: Aluminum Xena - Prima Ballerina by SupremeDreamer 17-Jul-03/7:05 AM
Wow. Great imagery. A well-deserved 9, my boy.
regarding some deleted poem... 17-Jul-03/7:12 AM
Your poems make me think of the lonely kid who shows everyone the scars on his wrists. It's all too obvious, like being hit in the face with a blast of teenage angst. Things will get better when you grow up.
regarding some deleted poem... 17-Jul-03/7:33 AM
No unity whatsoever. A big mess.
Re: Class Life by lorigan85 17-Jul-03/7:36 AM
This poem is still a jumble of raw emotion. It needs to be beaten into shape a bit more.
Re: Train Suicide by snjofridur1 17-Jul-03/7:39 AM
"And the steel wheels toss steel rails far behind, / swallowing everything" - these lines are brilliant, given the context. Very good overall.
Re: Federales by Bachus 17-Jul-03/10:09 AM
Good.
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