on Soulless Circle by Tyler J. Mancini
30 Jul 2008, 7:03 AM
So anyway TJTwin, heres your seven. Oh, and your shutup list had the opposite effect... and it wasn't even funny.
on ayow by skaskowski
29 Jul 2008, 5:07 PM
Shootin craps? Gambling addiction? Hmmm.
on If you want? by FreeFormFixation
29 Jul 2008, 5:10 PM
Ok, well my only real issue is that... this isn't a lyric. I've heard nor seen a thirty second song.
Seven.
Seven.
on What you wana hang out later? by T. Jonathron Remp
29 Jul 2008, 5:33 PM
Um. Why did you think I wanted to read about your silly failed attempt at loving? You know why she left? It wasn't your loving-- It was your obsessin.
Zero.
Zero.
on too much too soon by JMakStak
29 Jul 2008, 5:11 PM
Tell me about it.
on Someone took... by Tyler J. Mancini
29 Jul 2008, 5:13 PM
Um... the ending is the only thing I liked. It was a good ending, the last three stanzas... if you could call those stanzas.
Four.
Four.
on Soulless Circle by Tyler J. Mancini
29 Jul 2008, 5:18 PM
Actually, no. It's not quite a haiku YET...
575.
What we have here is 565. Add another syllable to the middle of this, and my six would become a seven.
575.
What we have here is 565. Add another syllable to the middle of this, and my six would become a seven.
on some deleted poem
29 Jul 2008, 5:19 PM
Not bad, not bad at all.
Eight.
Eight.
on Today is another day by Prince of Void
29 Jul 2008, 5:26 PM
thorough the reflection of toilet mirror--
....? through? hmmm? You know, if your going to be depressive and write a poem about it for worthless bastards like me to read, could you do me a favor?
Could you atleast make it interesting? Please? And original? Without the befuddled flow and the gutted speech? Or the cliches like "I used to think the world was too (so) big?
I have these thoughts too. But, see, I've learned that such thoughts written and shared doesn't amount to poetry-- it only gives proof to everyone that you didn't have something worth writing about.
Five.
....? through? hmmm? You know, if your going to be depressive and write a poem about it for worthless bastards like me to read, could you do me a favor?
Could you atleast make it interesting? Please? And original? Without the befuddled flow and the gutted speech? Or the cliches like "I used to think the world was too (so) big?
I have these thoughts too. But, see, I've learned that such thoughts written and shared doesn't amount to poetry-- it only gives proof to everyone that you didn't have something worth writing about.
Five.
on S.O.S. by amanda_dcosta
29 Jul 2008, 5:31 PM
Madam, the ranker has fallen off the golden path and into the dismal gutter. None of my friends speak, my mentor left long ago, and even my goddamn enemies are no longer here to keep me company. What is a savage ex-jester to do without his fuel, his purpose, his support or mean inspiration to keep on just for the sake of keepin on just to say that: Fuck you, I'm still here? As I said earlier, the mere act of not acting is more fatal than fist blows to the face and testicles.
No Vote.
No Vote.
on Ashes Of Me by Tyler J. Mancini
29 Jul 2008, 5:37 PM
"You were once been mine."
No... no.
'You had once been mine."
Now if we could just make something worth reading out of this idea of ashes? Something that doesn't make me think an eleven year old girl wrote it.
Ashes, ashes, and we all fall
DOWN!
Two. And that's only because there's something that can be done with the concept, but nothing can fix the failure of execution.
No... no.
'You had once been mine."
Now if we could just make something worth reading out of this idea of ashes? Something that doesn't make me think an eleven year old girl wrote it.
Ashes, ashes, and we all fall
DOWN!
Two. And that's only because there's something that can be done with the concept, but nothing can fix the failure of execution.
on Almost Alone by sliver
29 Jul 2008, 5:42 PM
sliver, you know you have this bad habit of calling something a lyric when it isnt? Tell me, how the fuck would you sing this as a song? ITS OK TO ADMIT IT FOR WHAT IT IS MAN!!!! FUCKING FREE VERSE!
Ok... Just had to get that out of the way. That aside, there's some cliche like elements here that tell me the piece could be better with a revision. It's not horrible, I liked the essence of it. I want to say seven, but I can't... it is found wanting. Six.
Ok... Just had to get that out of the way. That aside, there's some cliche like elements here that tell me the piece could be better with a revision. It's not horrible, I liked the essence of it. I want to say seven, but I can't... it is found wanting. Six.
on Magazine Promotion by nentwined
29 Jul 2008, 5:45 PM
Don't worry. I understood the analogies of greek mythology. Nine.
on Cinematic Indulgence by nentwined
29 Jul 2008, 5:47 PM
Ah... it's good to read something that stirrs the beast. Nine again.
on some deleted poem
29 Jul 2008, 5:49 PM
I'm sorry man but.. what the fuck is a messerschmidts?
Not knowing the dutch or german of wtf ever is bothering me. That aside, seven.
Not knowing the dutch or german of wtf ever is bothering me. That aside, seven.
on some deleted poem
29 Jul 2008, 5:57 PM
Oh yeah, brutish, filthy, and just my sort of poetry.
on Blood Plush by Kamikaze
29 Jul 2008, 6:10 PM
Ok, now when you did barney and dora, the rhyme scheme wasn't an issue. But here? Here it's quite obviouse that the poem unfolded as it did because you stubbornly held to the rhyme. That and it's length made it a bit a chore to get to the end, even though it too had some pretty funny elements. You know, some powerful stuff can be forged when you loosen up and let a poem flow in a natural way, one that follows the human mind and not A B A B A B A B A B A B....
Your poem got owned by the strict, repetetive, hypnotic rhyme scheme. I felt sleepy, but could not pass out because the simplistic rhymes irritated me.
Try a hand at free verse, or even prose poetry. That, or do something worthwhile with rhyming form, like a villanelle. Also, the limerick is perfect for making a funny poem... its short, clever, has a rhyme structure, and if done correctly will make everyone giggle. Look up some of dark angels classics, he's done a lot with the limerick form.
You get what I'm saying dood? Fucking branch out.
Five. I'm being nice too, because I really wanted to say four.
Your poem got owned by the strict, repetetive, hypnotic rhyme scheme. I felt sleepy, but could not pass out because the simplistic rhymes irritated me.
Try a hand at free verse, or even prose poetry. That, or do something worthwhile with rhyming form, like a villanelle. Also, the limerick is perfect for making a funny poem... its short, clever, has a rhyme structure, and if done correctly will make everyone giggle. Look up some of dark angels classics, he's done a lot with the limerick form.
You get what I'm saying dood? Fucking branch out.
Five. I'm being nice too, because I really wanted to say four.
on Life and Love by windyone
4 Jun 2005, 12:32 PM
Aye? Did some poop-deck crab pass gass agin me matey? Scallywags be prayin for the brownin in the mornin tiday.
on Horus8 Live, a benefit for materialism by horus8
4 Jun 2005, 2:29 PM
That is all good, cept that I lack transportation, and find myself hopelessly stranded in the bay area, suburban pithole out in San Jose. I'm gonna go cry and wallow in my self-pity over this horrid situation. Then compliment it with a dash of super-sugar in my coffee.