on 22nd Anniversary by Frass
11 Sep 2002, 12:09 PM
I can smell those herbs. "Asurety surely", trips up the tongue but makes me smile. Like you say "vibrant", that's how i find the whole piece. 8.
on Avian Child by Tekara
11 Sep 2002, 11:53 AM
Enjoyable. Excellent first two stanza's. I found the third weaker overall, I would think about cutting it. Just the last line jarred...I think the "not FAIR" exclamation sounds slightly juvenile. The poem said so much to me until then, that last line seemed to cheapen it. I find the scenario you have built, more than just... unfair...something stronger....cheated? 8.
on Putney at Low Tide by Christof
10 Sep 2002, 2:39 PM
"Beshitten". Someone contact the Oxford new words dept:) Outstanding imagery. 9.
on Thank You Mom by savannah
10 Sep 2002, 2:33 PM
Thanks, but no thanks.
Borderline nauseating.1. (Hey I'm sure your "mom" will give it 10.)
Borderline nauseating.1. (Hey I'm sure your "mom" will give it 10.)
on while you are away on the islands by poetandknowit
10 Sep 2002, 2:30 PM
Beautiful but ever so slightly uninteresting. Can't fault the word choice or structure, can't award anything less than a 9 in fairness, but don't feel "rewarded" for having read it...if you know what i mean?
on My cousin's baby sitter. by Bachus
10 Sep 2002, 2:28 PM
Charming.
on Words by PawnedTidal
10 Sep 2002, 12:49 PM
A little obvious.5.
on Oaxaca city fragment by poetandknowit
10 Sep 2002, 12:43 PM
Hard to read, guess that makes it well written? Hard to give a particularly good score to something so unpleasant.7. Hey, enough of the poetry advice, you need some travel guidance...next time go to Taxco, it's pretty. Come to think of it Mexico City seems better than the place you describe :). Hell, make that 8, it makes me feel good about living in the UK.
on Mean Matt was so mean, when a homeless guy asked him for change he gave him a -blank- by beakism
8 Sep 2002, 9:46 AM
Good God. "I hate this", and that is one badly drawn fish.0.
on I'm Sorry by PawnedTidal
8 Sep 2002, 9:28 AM
A little work required on stanza two, lines three and four. Not too sure that "compare" was the right choice of word, doesn't seem to make literal sense. Other wise promising.6.
on Her Wildfire Addiction by molly
1 Sep 2002, 1:17 PM
Cigarette poems seem extremely popular and frankly i think this poem stinks. I'm very rarely hyper critical and will certainly read a selection of a poets work if i have a negative reaction to one of their pieces. I hope i like another piece better. The last stanza sounds like it was written by someone who does not use English as their first language. "Oh Mama"! .0.
on Ambiguous Love Poem For A Girl I Once Knew by poetandknowit
1 Sep 2002, 1:05 PM
One of the best things I've read here for some time. Frankly i like something with a bit of edge. This is up there with the other bloke ;) (but edgier). Love the way the title suggests the poem is ambiguous, yet for me it has just the right balance between ambiguity and plain narrative. Too much obscure imagary around here for me lately. This cuts through some of the wool like a knife.10 (and i'm fussy).
on The Stifling Moment by vulcan
31 Aug 2002, 2:42 AM
I like it, can't put my finger on why. Is there a haiku in there struggling to get out? No, it probably couldn't be edited that far. Still, paints a vivid picture..8..(and a half if we had them)
on Terror Too Tranquil by RaychelW
31 Aug 2002, 2:36 AM
A disturbing subject, deftly handled. 8.
on "to do" list:accomplished by razorgrin
21 Aug 2002, 2:36 PM
The jury is out on the syllables in fire. But as an antithesis to the ubiquitous, gentle, natural world of wonder style haiku, I'll buy it. 9.
on The Confession by [mojo]
21 Aug 2002, 2:13 PM
Wow. I'm new...there's a limit. Oh well, I'm on the voting prowl 'till next week.
on The Confession by [mojo]
21 Aug 2002, 2:11 PM
Ha ha ha (Evil laugh). Sorry..here.I'll post something lighter.
on Secret, Admirer by <~>
21 Aug 2002, 1:34 PM
Ok, I see that now. We'll have to debate whether that was too cryptic or I'm just slow! I see that it works now, but, and this is the tricky bit. If a word-play/suggestion only "works" when it's been explained (nee "deciphered"), does that mean it works well or not? I'd be interested to know if anyone else understood precisely what this stanza was suggesting prior to explaination. It really is unlike me to miss pseudo-sexual references. I'm ashamed of myself.
on Secret, Admirer by <~>
21 Aug 2002, 12:53 PM
Ahhh, much improved. I agree with Christof to a degree. He likes "suggestion", but I guess I'm lazy because in a poem of this length I like to have a narrative to guide me, or at least a vague understanding of what the hell's going on. I'll say nothing about "fecund" (you get away with it :) but I must say that "ejaculations" kinda jumps out at me (if you'll pardon the expression). Perhaps a touch forced. Otherwise I particularly that stanza. I'd go 8.5 if we had the halves. Mmmm...A generous 9. I find that if I have to rewrite to any significant degree, maybe it didn't come straight from the heart in the first place? Or maybe I'm just too amateur?