on An Ode To Dark Angel, Private Investigator by tolstoyleo
1 Jul 2004, 7:03 PM
Unfitting a "man" of his stature.
on Worst Sex Ever by Brittanyy
4 Jul 2004, 9:00 PM
a sad thing indeed.
on Translation by Dovina
3 Jul 2004, 3:28 PM
quite nice, this.
I think you could loose most of the commas though (not hers) and it would be stronger for it (especially the ones before "and").
I think you could loose most of the commas though (not hers) and it would be stronger for it (especially the ones before "and").
on Mississippi Burnin. by SupremeDreamer
3 Jul 2004, 3:29 PM
A good hook.
you could rather put "hang me on a Mississippi tree" and increase your market share, I think.
you could rather put "hang me on a Mississippi tree" and increase your market share, I think.
on blobby sums +-*/ by MR Blobby
3 Jul 2004, 3:30 PM
an your total is six.
on Love Slain by Mus Vai
3 Jul 2004, 5:43 AM
I like your name.
on Charming Distraction ( The Day I Put My Socks On Backwards) by MacFrantic
3 Jul 2004, 8:26 AM
rotary phone is a nice touch.
I've been critiqued for my line breaks recently, but some of these give me pause. If no one else says anything then its just me.
I've been critiqued for my line breaks recently, but some of these give me pause. If no one else says anything then its just me.
on some deleted poem
3 Jul 2004, 11:39 AM
Stellah.
nicely done.
nicely done.
on Precious Thing 2 by cleverdevice
3 Jul 2004, 5:06 AM
gripping to a certain degree - maybe grasping.
Lots of nice symbolism to play with, but I think *maybe* it's a tad long.
and that last sentence needs to go.
Lots of nice symbolism to play with, but I think *maybe* it's a tad long.
and that last sentence needs to go.
on some deleted poem
3 Jul 2004, 5:06 AM
See, now that's deep.
on Recycled Stardust by Quarton
1 Jul 2004, 6:54 PM
With the vocabulary and the big telling that comes from the big words this quickly becomes a tough sell.
on Lady Bradburyâs Excursion by Dovina
1 Jul 2004, 6:58 PM
Dovina - this is somewhat strange.
it really is.
it really is.
on some deleted poem
1 Jul 2004, 7:02 PM
Cute.
You could have expressed the same idea with less, and the reader would thank you for it.
You could have expressed the same idea with less, and the reader would thank you for it.
on The Missing Peace by nothingtoanyone
1 Jul 2004, 7:09 PM
This reminds me more of an outline or some notes for a poem. Should be distilled quite a bit.
on When the night completes by donmiguel1960
2 Jul 2004, 5:19 AM
There's some good language in here though it comes off a little choppy'list-like.
How is that fixed? Try, if you want, playing with where the lines end and your preposition use (there are lots of them in here).
Flow and show?
How is that fixed? Try, if you want, playing with where the lines end and your preposition use (there are lots of them in here).
Flow and show?
on Veracious Flames by Evening
2 Jul 2004, 5:23 AM
you could almost remove the first word of every line and the thing would be better for it.
I like this one.
I like this one.
on Stuck in VI by jonnyduk
2 Jul 2004, 5:28 AM
here.
on some deleted poem
2 Jul 2004, 5:37 AM
Nice. Original angle on a near cliche.
I had a small amount of trouble picturing a key chain in a wallet (rather than an individual key). Maybe consider doing thing from a purse-wielding perspective?
I had a small amount of trouble picturing a key chain in a wallet (rather than an individual key). Maybe consider doing thing from a purse-wielding perspective?