on To Lesley by Bahookie
18 Aug 2003, 10:49 AM
Congratulations, the love you feel is the truest of all poetry. Re-work the last line. You jump from skin to heart, there must be a better segue.
on Sagadahoc to Hudson by http://mulberryfairy
12 Aug 2003, 10:41 AM
I think if you called it, A Letter to Hustler Magazine, it would work. A comburesome poem. If this really happened then try to write with the erotizism you felt. If you made this up then ditch it intil you have a real lowdown nasty experience then take that nasty feeling and write with it, because right now it's too long and unsexy.
on some deleted poem
18 Aug 2003, 10:33 AM
A fine piece of brilliance.
on We the destroyers by Crakyamuni
18 Sep 2003, 10:15 AM
The last line is solid but the rest is so contrived. The fourth line is complete nonsense, and if your talking about The Judgement in the sixth line then no one can hide, not from that. Also the word 'free' implies freedom which is a good thing. It be better to use a word like void, or vacant, or without etc...
Also the title makes no sense whatsoever. The church is not the destroyer. The lamb is, or in this case the dove.
Also the title makes no sense whatsoever. The church is not the destroyer. The lamb is, or in this case the dove.
on Wake and Bake Club by sir_heff
18 Sep 2003, 10:16 AM
Ah too bad, you crap-out after line 3 in the 2nd stanza.
on travels by eyzwdeshut
18 Sep 2003, 10:20 AM
Errrr, tell me what you gave what you said, what you spoke, I can;t join you touch you know you or apprieciate this poem enless you give me some specifics please. Check your mis-spells.
on Arm 'n' headin (Mr.Mexicacco) by suprembeaner
13 Sep 2003, 2:04 AM
Child. I love a good trailer-park. No I won't ovulate for your mother anymore than I would give the tribe up for bread. I've been told a tale or 2.
on The Shadow's Dead by loneshadow29
12 Sep 2003, 4:43 PM
Get rid of stupid bitch. Otherwise the best thing you've written. Seriously. Oh, and it's "your life in ruins" How about "Everybody's bound to meet their fate"? You hold your rythmn and don't let go. It's all grown-up.
on some deleted poem
12 Sep 2003, 5:08 PM
Perfect, but change 'stares' to 'stare', that way the line stands alone like all your others.
on Nicholas Martin by horus8
12 Sep 2003, 5:12 PM
Condolences to you my love. Things like these are bound to happen, everything is all fucked-up.
on If I Wrote The Perfect Poem by toward
12 Sep 2003, 5:20 PM
The body rules the mind, don't fool yourself.
on As the Redwood Ages by DurtKL
31 Aug 2003, 12:33 AM
This is just so horrible.
on The Boxer by DreamerSupreme
27 Aug 2003, 11:13 AM
You can do better. It builds well but you can write better then this. It wouldn't take much to make this a good strong poem. Just take a look, I mean some of the errors are blantant. No one talks the way you're character talks, and in poetry it suppose to be idealized. Which this is not. Pretend you're character is smarter than you, more sophisticated. What the fuck, I'm wasting my time even trying to get through o you morons. Ciao.
on When Fairy Tales Forgive Us by J.B. Manning
21 Aug 2003, 10:21 AM
Not good.
Ok first I love the 3rd line, not sure why yet but it has something to do with sound.
I see beauty in imperfection as well so we become members of different camps at line 2, not good.
Then it just pretty much falls apart.
"CAUSE" is not a word.
Also that last line is just Lauren Bacall in Key Largo.
I see beauty in imperfection as well so we become members of different camps at line 2, not good.
Then it just pretty much falls apart.
"CAUSE" is not a word.
Also that last line is just Lauren Bacall in Key Largo.
on some deleted poem
18 Aug 2003, 10:46 AM
You lose me at Samsung binary. Isn't that an electronics co.? Plus it sounds fugly.
The Opitical Mouse!? Oh yeah, speck nerdy to me.
Did get an astronomy badge in Boy Scouts?
Do they have a poetry badge?
The Opitical Mouse!? Oh yeah, speck nerdy to me.
Did get an astronomy badge in Boy Scouts?
Do they have a poetry badge?
on A gift by Birdman42s
18 Aug 2003, 10:35 AM
Nice sentiment, terrible poem.
on great caesar's ghost by bondjedi
18 Aug 2003, 10:42 AM
Always funny and concise.
on Inet. mag. editors R jealous red haired Jews, oh and I'm 29 by horus8
11 Aug 2003, 8:16 AM
I love this poem, because it's actually about you. It's real, not just some opinion or current event analysis. Reading this I recognize why 99.9% of the shit on here is shit, it lacks meaning. Nobody likes to got to the place they're from, or maybe they're just to stupid to know how.
Saying that I think you should offer this poem as a stand alone and though I agree with you're editorial it detracts.
Saying that I think you should offer this poem as a stand alone and though I agree with you're editorial it detracts.
on Love Kills by Kitch
18 Sep 2003, 10:21 AM
Childish