on Ode to the unwanted chip by deadstar
14 Nov 2002, 9:11 AM
This poem is somewhat stale. Ha ha, I'm funny. It made me smile so that's a good thing. it reminds if of how children feel sorry for inanimate objects. I used to sit on the wobbly chair at home because I knew no one else liked it and I didn't want it to fell left out. My son does the same thing with his toys, well he used to. He doesn't play with toys anymore(sigh). I think children would appreciate this effort.
on The Wooden Armchair Of Similar Dreams by Caducus
14 Nov 2002, 9:02 AM
There's a lot of wonderful language here I especially like "The derilict peace" that images I think is an important one, for me anyway. "Ensuring life and not existence" makes me say 'fuck'... but in a good way. Unfortunately my less favorite rhyme(love/above) is also found here. When ever I see the word above at the end of a line I know the word love is not far behind. Ha, I made a poe-m!
replying on the pot collected water when it hid us from the rain by kiki
13 Nov 2002, 10:13 PM
Are you trying to say my opinion is somehow less valuable then your professor's? Are you sorry? REALLY? I doubt it.Well received by the likes of you I'm sure. I suggest you post poems based on your own enthusiasm and perhaps dealing with some actual human experience. Oh no, I forgot that is somehow forbidden. Yet you post something reeking of loss and pain and mis-understandiing. . I just don't like your arrogance and your unfriendly comments. You could be the next God Damn Big Deal and it wouldn't matter, because you're mean. I sure I'm not the first to tell you so.
on The Land of Back-to-Front by [mojo]
13 Nov 2002, 4:58 PM
Wonderful, I can't think of any flaws except minor typos. Very cheery. I like nonsense.
on The Real You by jonny2000
13 Nov 2002, 2:16 PM
So your 12. Fantastic your poem needs a little help, but I can't imagine my son writing anything close so I'll give you 4 for the poem and 3 for having the courage to write poetry. Post some more. The second line seems to have a typo, or did you mean to leave the 's' off of think and he? Try writing this without having to rhyme. I'm curious to see what that looks like.
replying on without music by Limness
13 Nov 2002, 2:07 PM
The second stanza. Try to replace all those "alone"s. with god only knows what. I lose your voice there. You're such a clever girl, am sure you can come up with something. Or even 'alone, alone, alone/I. He. We.' I don't know, just the tone is so educated and then that central part seems less than.
replying on Cancer Haikus by poetandknowit
13 Nov 2002, 1:56 PM
Well not really understand the grief, but more work through it. In my experience grief is a very effective mind alterer. I don't wish for grief, but I don't run away from it. Kind of like being told you have cancer, or your pregnant. Everything comes into focus. Only grief is a telescope looking at 1,000 of varying distances. It forces me to focus on each aspect individually, instead of as a whole. That takes time. I love these poems.
replying on Cancer Haikus by poetandknowit
13 Nov 2002, 1:48 PM
Ultimately aren't you writing these poems for yourself? I believe an artist has his duty to the public, but he also has a duty to himself. Sustaining the grief in order to understand it, thus becoming a better artist and person, hopefully. I never thought of these haikus as being about cancer. They are cancer. The cancer of grief.
on Colony by <{Baba^Yaga}>
13 Nov 2002, 1:11 PM
Squaw is mis-spelled and so is buffalo. You're a great writer, poetry, comments, confessions. I mean it.
replying on There is no end by INTRANSIT
13 Nov 2002, 10:50 AM
I like watching two people have sex, but porn is so unreal and ridiculous. I think I'll have ice cream for breakfast. I'll pour some coffee over it.
No not at all. I was simply asking if YOU are the pain ( I doubt it) or if you are IN pain(that's the mood I pick up from these few lines) I love this kind of economy. I think you could come up with something else to reveal at the end instead of repeating the first line. If I thought it was bad I would just come out and tell you.
on Ode to a Depleted Uranium Shell by Yardbird
13 Nov 2002, 9:24 AM
Thank you! It is very sweet of you to answer my request. I don' get the visual of 'simmer with mirth' but that is my only criticism. If you did a bit of research a bet you could come up with a real killer, ha ha. Now when I look up DU on the web your poem will come up along with 100,000 other sites. You should be proud.
on Surreal... by Yardbird
13 Nov 2002, 1:50 AM
You made me laugh. Especially 'So long as elephants...' Use your brains for something I prefer, like and ode to depleted uranium. Thank you in advance.
on the pot collected water when it hid us from the rain by kiki
13 Nov 2002, 1:41 AM
I think your poems are awful and completely inaccessible. Other than that I think you're a self-centered inconsiderate creep.
on without music by Limness
13 Nov 2002, 1:14 AM
Needs work but fantastic at the end.
on licking my tongue by w~* ATHENA *~w
13 Nov 2002, 1:08 AM
Best so far.