Check the typos. If the music rocks hard enough this could be pretty good. As a poem it's too simplistic for my tastes, but with it's got loads of commitment.

psycho-babble

Thwere should be a period at the end of the 3rd line, or no puncuation at all.

If poetry was a picnic, this would be potato salad that sat out int he sun too long.

Your crowns on too tight.

Exactly.

Exactly right.

You deserve to live.

I love this poem from the title on, but it's all a jumble. Sometimes it takes years.

Terrific insight. You need to narrow this universe down. Take it easy. This could be a great great poem. Slow it down a bit. Do some research, study words.

Great title, but you fall into the abyss at the 3rd line. It's a nice idea, how is it you always put to much sauce on the biscuits?

Childish.

Great title.

Lucky you.

This needs work, for example, the slender frame is unnecessary in the first line.

Make it present tense.

Nice user name, but this poem is sadly magniloquent.

Meanderer.

This poem suffers from verbal dysenteria. Take two aspirins and shoot me in the morning.

Excellent.

You write poems that sound like Yoda, or I should say, like Yoda sounds, poems you write.