on some deleted poem
21 Nov 2005, 10:05 AM
The last stanza's a double-negative. Did you mean that?
on Taste Ghazni by eliastemplar
21 Nov 2005, 10:07 AM
incense, burqas. Otherwise, good. How's the kebab these days?
on Due Consideration by Dovina
22 Nov 2005, 12:53 AM
PS-Your gift:
Q: If we could surgically remove a patient's negative emotions, and it worked better than meditation, should we do it?
DALAI LAMA: Yes.
Q: What if the patient didn't want us to surgically remove his negative emotions?
DALAI LAMA: Use force, with good intentions.
-from the Annual Conference of the Society for Neuroscience
November 12, 2005
Q: If we could surgically remove a patient's negative emotions, and it worked better than meditation, should we do it?
DALAI LAMA: Yes.
Q: What if the patient didn't want us to surgically remove his negative emotions?
DALAI LAMA: Use force, with good intentions.
-from the Annual Conference of the Society for Neuroscience
November 12, 2005
on Prejudice and Racism by TLRufener
21 Nov 2005, 10:09 AM
How did you make it from "Skin doesn't matter to America's children" to "Prejudice and racism are here to stay"? Did it hurt?
on The Rose by sk8rs_rule_all
21 Nov 2005, 10:18 AM
You're young, so we'll go easy:
There is an extremely famous movie called The Rose, featuring an extremely famous song called The Rose. It's regrettable, but we've decided it's best if no one ever names anything The Rose ever again.
Thanks,
The Human Race
There is an extremely famous movie called The Rose, featuring an extremely famous song called The Rose. It's regrettable, but we've decided it's best if no one ever names anything The Rose ever again.
Thanks,
The Human Race
on One Second by TLRufener
22 Nov 2005, 3:31 AM
In one second my little brother can fit an entire Big Mac in his mouth.
on Devictus by nocturnalism
22 Nov 2005, 3:30 AM
You let God beat you. Probably without any exertion on His part.
on Derrick Holmes by rahson_s
25 Nov 2005, 1:36 AM
I like the style. There's a bunch of missing punctuation and randomly capitalized words, and 'addiction' is misspelled, but the half-rhymes are really cool. I kind of wish this was a little more meaningful than a book report.
on i dream in nine minute increments by ay deee
25 Nov 2005, 1:40 AM
"all kinds of guns waving in the air" and "explaining how my arm hurts" are really weak lines. The rest is pretty good.
on Due Consideration by Dovina
25 Nov 2005, 1:02 AM
Here's a perfect example:
REASON: Dovina might be slightly racist.
DOVINA'S BELIEFS: Nooooooooooo!
REASON: Dovina might be slightly racist.
DOVINA'S BELIEFS: Nooooooooooo!
on The Dreamhole by cyan9
25 Nov 2005, 1:22 AM
This would be good by Keane doing British pop doing Radiohead.
on The mountain has come to Mohammed by ALChemy
25 Nov 2005, 1:28 AM
I like the music references. What I don't like is using the worm so much. There's already a great poem with that image, you need to add something, a strong image of your own.
on O dear. by celticskatermatt1
25 Nov 2005, 1:31 AM
I predict you're not going to care what we say about this poem. Good for you. You'll show us.
on A Modern Woman by Dovina
24 Nov 2005, 12:53 AM
She doesn't hang out at the same places you do.
on some deleted poem
27 Nov 2005, 6:11 AM
Stanzas 1, 3, and 5 are really great. Stanza 4 is passable. I would drop everything else and maybe add a new, underwrought closing stanza. And change the title, too. Not bad, not bad at all...
on Indian Song by ALChemy
28 Nov 2005, 4:10 AM
Clever. I'm not sure I got lines 4 and 5, but what I think I got I like.
You have no reason to take my word for this, but the formulation "as [something in present tense], I [something in present tense]" is the clumsiest in the world. Besides, "as" is unnecessary; given two sentences in present tense in a row, we'll all assume they happen either simultaneously or one-immediately-after-the-other. Otherwise, not bad.