on Mirrored by MacFrantic
9 Aug 2005, 2:18 AM
Is the right half written in Elvish? Clever!
on some deleted poem
9 Aug 2005, 2:21 AM
I work with a real wolf-child. Or, rather, a boy who's lived in a sheep-pen since he was five years old - it's the same disorder, from a psychiatric perspective. He doesn't do any of the things your guy in the poem does. Mostly he just runs into walls alot and makes sounds like a motorboat. And steals teacakes, lots of teacakes.
on The Stinging by Mona Lisa
14 Aug 2005, 1:16 AM
Do you really think that what wasps are doing in their hives is, um, stinging things? Other than that, nice.
on I hate you too U2 by D. $ Fontera
14 Aug 2005, 1:17 AM
Hey, no one's done that wordplay before!
on I hate you too U2 by D. $ Fontera
14 Aug 2005, 1:18 AM
PS-I liked the spider-in-the-ear. But any poem that uses multiple linebreaks for dramatic pauses or the passing of time is an automatic minus-2. Sorry, those are the rules.
on The cat who would fly by nentwined
14 Aug 2005, 1:22 AM
The best of your recent ones. -9-
on Stream of Consciousness (#1) by Enkidu
14 Aug 2005, 1:56 AM
And Joseph made haste; for his bowels did yearn upon his brother: and he sought where to weep; and he entered into his chamber, and wept there.
on some deleted poem
14 Aug 2005, 1:59 AM
Still-Beating-Heart => Still-Beating Heart
on some deleted poem
14 Aug 2005, 2:42 AM
English language learners need to know only 1,000 to 2,000 words to express themselves adequately in interpersonal language but 7,000 to 10,000 words for serious reading.
on some deleted poem
14 Aug 2005, 2:43 AM
Cheng's interpretation is that 8000 words is about the maximum for an individual's actively known vocabulary. Of the authors he has surveyed only Shakespeare reaches an exceptional 10,000 words.
on some deleted poem
14 Aug 2005, 2:44 AM
It has been determined for example, that the novel The Pearl by John Steinbeck which is used as a recommended reading at the English 10-2 level by Alberta Education requires an active vocabulary level of between 5000 and 7000 words to be able to read effectively. The average university student is expected to have a passive vocabulary of about 60,000 lexical units or about 150,000 words.
on How Angels Sleep by Dovina
20 Aug 2005, 5:30 AM
"confused to understand" is not real grammar. I like the rhythm of it, but'd really prefer "failing to understand" or something such (and it's nifty sprung-rhythm!)
"About" in the third stanza stopped me a minute. I'd like to see "Nor" in its place.
Would you consider dropping "About this feeling... can they bring" and the next stanza? Thanks. It was kind of superobvious.
I'd change "platitudes" to a less-strong word, or example, or cool turn-of-phrase of your own.
Okay, I made all the comments above without reading the last stanza. Wow. Oh. Okay. I don't think it works at all. For one, City of Angels???? For two, it's kind of just whimsical wish-fulfillment, isn't it? Not to mention utterly non-doctrinal, against everything you've written so far, and a rather trite Deus ex Machina. My suggestion (ie, if this were my poem, so you know what that's worth): The narrator-woman ends wishing for an angel to sleep beside her, knowing it doesn't really feel or understand anything she feels, but she settles for the compromise anyway. Yeah. Cool. I dig.
Liked quite a few bits of the writing. You're good when you're poetic.
"About" in the third stanza stopped me a minute. I'd like to see "Nor" in its place.
Would you consider dropping "About this feeling... can they bring" and the next stanza? Thanks. It was kind of superobvious.
I'd change "platitudes" to a less-strong word, or example, or cool turn-of-phrase of your own.
Okay, I made all the comments above without reading the last stanza. Wow. Oh. Okay. I don't think it works at all. For one, City of Angels???? For two, it's kind of just whimsical wish-fulfillment, isn't it? Not to mention utterly non-doctrinal, against everything you've written so far, and a rather trite Deus ex Machina. My suggestion (ie, if this were my poem, so you know what that's worth): The narrator-woman ends wishing for an angel to sleep beside her, knowing it doesn't really feel or understand anything she feels, but she settles for the compromise anyway. Yeah. Cool. I dig.
Liked quite a few bits of the writing. You're good when you're poetic.
on Written while Kayaking by Sasha
20 Aug 2005, 5:33 AM
Great except for the internet words. Sorry. I'll never ever ever be cool with buddylist and IM in a poem. Call me a curmudgeonly Luddite.
on Take heart, you are closer than you know by Bobjim
20 Aug 2005, 5:54 AM
I love the title. I wish the poem was about something else. -10-
on Surveyor and Farmer by Dovina
20 Aug 2005, 5:55 AM
Change the adjective phrases in stanzas one and two to something else. Otherwise, ace. -10-
on Dear Lord, by INTRANSIT
22 Aug 2005, 11:52 PM
This is good. Drop the "thee".
on With You at an Ancient Temple by Sasha
24 Aug 2005, 4:58 AM
Hey, you pulled off the slang! Great!
But... some archaicky and/or highfalutin talk:
"graced", "lent", "rival ivies", "unchanging", "pallid jealousy", "masked behind bold gossip", "blessed blasphemy" (minus extra for the unnecessary diacritic.)
It's not that I have a problem with highfalutin as such. Lord knows I highfalute as much as anyone. But it's just so... STYLIZED, you know? I mean, what does it mean for a thing to grace you with something? Or who thinks statues are really unchanging anymore? Nothing and nobody, except in the kinda-removed language of old poesie. I doubt even Pope ever felt really GRACED by something in his long damp life. It's just what you say something does when you need to make it do something in a poem. Or it's like trying to write folksy/bluegrass music (which I do a lot). At some point you're not originating, you're just writing what bluegrass is supposed to sound like - the forms. Not art but a museum piece, ya know? -10-
But... some archaicky and/or highfalutin talk:
"graced", "lent", "rival ivies", "unchanging", "pallid jealousy", "masked behind bold gossip", "blessed blasphemy" (minus extra for the unnecessary diacritic.)
It's not that I have a problem with highfalutin as such. Lord knows I highfalute as much as anyone. But it's just so... STYLIZED, you know? I mean, what does it mean for a thing to grace you with something? Or who thinks statues are really unchanging anymore? Nothing and nobody, except in the kinda-removed language of old poesie. I doubt even Pope ever felt really GRACED by something in his long damp life. It's just what you say something does when you need to make it do something in a poem. Or it's like trying to write folksy/bluegrass music (which I do a lot). At some point you're not originating, you're just writing what bluegrass is supposed to sound like - the forms. Not art but a museum piece, ya know? -10-