Re: a comment on Thaw by <~>	21-Apr-04/2:32 PM
do not by any means put a spellchecker on this site, please.
Re: a comment on The Conqueror Worm by zodiac	21-Apr-04/1:37 PM
7) You said flash fiction twice. 8) And so what? Anyone can make decent-looking flash fiction. Here's one of mine: http://tinyurl.com/3dof7. 9) Too = adverb; To = preposition. Don't need an agent to figure that one out. 10) "Reading your comments is like listening to Elton John whistling Crocodile Rock through his toothgap while fellating me, Simon Cowell" - Simon Cowell. 11) I've decided you need a lesson. What say you to a spanking for every year of your naughty misspent life? Ready?...
Re: a comment on The Conqueror Worm by zodiac	21-Apr-04/1:22 PM
It was while drunk on tequila, nincompoop. Thanks for the 5!
Re: a comment on The Conqueror Worm by zodiac	21-Apr-04/1:21 PM
1) Everyone knows who Francis Coppola is; he's a famous recluse who designs improbable gigantic flying machines. 2) Zoetrope's website (all-STORY.com) describes itself thusly: "In 1997, Francis Ford Coppola launched a magazine devoted to supporting the brightest young voices in fiction. In its short history, Zoetrope: All-Story has received every major short fiction award, including the National Magazine Award for Fiction..." Are you noticing the repetition of certain words? I am. 3) NFG is a crock. Even nentwined says so. 4) Ask yourself this question: Why in GOD'S NAME would an agent frequent a hack internet open-style poetry site when they've each got THOUSANDS UPON FUCKING THOUSANDS of hack budding poets breaking down their doors already, without having had to exert ANY EFFORT on their own parts? 5) Wait, here's another: Do you really believe having a 'literary agent' means shit? (A clue: No.) 6) Before you answer, let me point out the obvious to you: you don't have an agent yourself. In fact, aside from your knowledge of three online publications (one of which isn't a poetry publication) you don't know squat about the business of publishing poetry. That is all. You may be seated.
Re: Taupe is an Angry Mob by MacFrantic	21-Apr-04/7:27 AM
I wish this poem had actually been about the title.
Re: a comment on questions by ggawrysi	21-Apr-04/7:17 AM
- "The last time I heard 'Candle in the Wind' sung so badly, Stephen was buggering Elton John without either first removing their backfat sheaths." - "If the Gallagher brothers were here, you know what they'd say about your performance? [IMPERSONATING NOEL]: 'Royt, utlut ut lut lut tutle bloody luttuh lat.' [IMPERSONATING LIAM]: 'Bloody loyt toylet lot lut bloody bloody lut lut bloody.'" - "You can't touch me."
Re: a comment on questions by ggawrysi	21-Apr-04/6:52 AM
- "I look like the love-child of Pierce Brosnan and Antonio Banderas, not you." - "You are a turd ... a big turd." - "I think your singing was bad. Unfortunately, I'm badly gay." - "My Britishness keeps Americans from realizing I'm gay, whilst everyone knows that you are."
Re: a comment on questions by ggawrysi	21-Apr-04/6:31 AM
These are genuine 'witty' 'quips' by Simon Cowell on American Idol: - "It was like The Exorcist." - "If your lifeguard duties were as good as your singing, a lot of people would be drowning." - "You had about as much passion as a kitten mewing." - "You sang like someone who sings on a cruise ship. Halfway through I imagined the ship sinking." - "I think you're amazing ... amazingly dreadful." - "That was extraordinary. Unfortunately, it was extraordinarily bad." Please check out this article for the best of the American anti-Cowell backlash, as it's both our countries in a nutshell: http://slate.msn.com/id/2098000
Re: a comment on questions by ggawrysi	21-Apr-04/6:16 AM
You know that's true, right? The corset thing? Simon Cowell looks like every American's idea of a European football player nearing retirement. We have an idea of European football players nearing retirement, you ask? Yes. Violetsuede couldn't wear back fat allocating trousers. She has no part of her body that is not fat to allocate fat to. At best they would make her look like Simon Cowell. At worst like some swollen radish.
Re: a comment on questions by ggawrysi	21-Apr-04/6:03 AM
Ace. The model of British humor in the states these days is Simon Cowell, so you can imagine we're pretty desperate over here.
Re: a comment on questions by ggawrysi	21-Apr-04/5:39 AM
"What methods have you found work best?" Endlessly fellating Stephen.
Re: a comment on questions by ggawrysi	21-Apr-04/5:34 AM
*BOOM BOOM*
Re: a comment on questions by ggawrysi	21-Apr-04/5:31 AM
That's ridiculous! No body could maintain that level of arousal in the... face of violetsuede.
Re: a comment on questions by ggawrysi	21-Apr-04/4:34 AM
"Americans encourage everybody to make a success of themselves - this is dangerous and has led to endless disasters, whereby..." Oh, but didn't your country invent the insidious "Idol" fad? That's an endless disaster on the scale of receiving fellatio from violetsuede in a brightly-lit lockerroom full of geriatrics.
Re: a comment on untitled by waxtester	20-Apr-04/6:12 PM
Dear waxtester, I'm not often serious on this site, but on this matter I'm being completely honest. The troll poem rocks. I really think the people here will like it a lot. Thank you.
Re: a comment on reflection by xunitedx	20-Apr-04/5:14 PM
- "...we row in Norse galleys, see concerts and rallies" - "...we have big finales at concerts and rallies" - "...we sometimes have rallies at Lou's or Pasquale's" - "...the keynote speaker at our rally's Dick Vitale" - "...everyone shilly-shallies at the aforementioned rallies" Or you could just capitalize Bally's, use a different word than "attend", and tell everyone who doesn't get it to fuck off.
Re: a comment on Cupid promised me, Nadine by Shardik	20-Apr-04/4:47 PM
It's "art".
Re: a comment on "How Often, Under Starry Skies" by anastomosis	20-Apr-04/4:32 PM
As a one-semester philosophy major, I declare all philosophy majors to be gays except Ludwig Wittgenstein.
Re: a comment on Dear M Foucault, or, How I knew our relationship was doomed by zodiac	20-Apr-04/4:28 PM
1) Zoetrope is not a poetry publication. 2) Agents do not frequent anything, least of all online workshops. 3) Many of us are already published; you are not. 4) as an adverb, it's "too"; as a preposition, "to". We don't have to be sophisticated to know that. 5) This is a recent comment from the "mature,talented and classy" online poetry workshop, allpoetry.com: "This poem is a great start. I love the last two lines especially [All the time I spend thinking, Is the biggest waste of all.] I certainly know how that feels, spending so much time worrying and thinking it takes a while to realize NOT worrying and thinking so much would have been a lot less stressful and a lot more productive... I share your pain! Anyways the only criticism I have for this piece is: Maybe you could try experimenting with NOT ending almost all the lines in prepositions. Prepositions make things choppier and almost sound like you ended in the middle of an idea without ever getting to the punchline. Anyways, keep writing! I'll be back!" 6) Such comments are crap to the nth degree. 7) You are a nincompoop. Did you see my response to your comment on this page? Do you understand it?
Re: a comment on questions by ggawrysi	20-Apr-04/2:43 PM
I have no experience with Alan Partridge, though I did catch Ricky Gervais answering the question "What's the difference between English and U.S. audiences?" with "English people want to knock you down more. Americans encourage success. British people don't think it'll happen to them and don't like it to happen to others." "Battered" as either an adjective or verb can be logically included in the phrase "Prof. Plum with the candlestick" - provided "battered" does not refer to something dipped in batter and fried, as it almost always does in this part of the Southern U.S. "Polished" also works as an adj or (slightly slangy) verb. Pull.