Re: Duck - an ode by zodiac	5-Feb-04/10:50 AM
Yeah, I posted over another poem again. This one has rhyme too. They all do.
Re: Blue Fuckin' Moon by lastobelus	5-Feb-04/9:39 AM
I'm glad you sent me to this one. I remember seeing it a while ago and being tickled. You've got that ee cummings knack for random assocation (even between weird adjectives and their nouns) in your early posts that I can't approximate. I get the sense it was beaten out of you by months of Rancoring, but I wish you had kept some of it, even if hidden, and it should be a little more hidden. Still, that quality is poetic (ie, what's going on OUT THERE) and a bag of chips. An image like "god-red little footsies" would be welcome in a more structured poem. That's the kind of association that's pulp-making. The start, too, with "Then" is very strong. The change to 'we' in the second, um, sentence is off-putting, along with 'go go go amber glint' which I can't make refer to anything satisfying for me. "TV commercial Faulkner doom"? I hope you know now to use concepts like that in a meaningful and more-or-less grammatically correct way. And then it devolves into similar stream-of-consciousness Joycean crap for a while. I've known one person who liked to read Joyce and I suspect she was lying. Then it comes back. After 'ok, laugh' I'm with you again. In manuscript I see the s-of-c lines broken up a little more and italicized. You could pull them off that way. Maybe it should all be broken up more. At least into stanzas. I'm big on stanzas. Crystalline has 2 ls, then 1. Then it just needs to say about 3 more things than it does. At least, to be pulpwood-style. I'm fine with things that just paint a scene, like this. But the good ones that seem to do that, when you break them open, you find more inside. There's some of that here but a little short of enough. Is that it? Very Beat and cummings, which is its downfall. Hide that a little better and you're ace.
Re: a comment on The Weight of Words and the Meaning in the Wind by somemorepoetry	5-Feb-04/9:20 AM
AppleScript? QuarkExpress? I'm so fucking glad I don't have a real career. You want to know what really bites? I live in a big log cabin deep in some mountain woods. It's almost 1pm here (that's 13.00 to you) and I'm in the flannel pants I slept in, drinking my third Red Stripe of the day and casually perusing political satire sites. My wife's beating her brains out against the bony foreheads of autistic teenagers but I, thankfully, have no classes for the rest of the week. I might go to my band practice tonight and get stoned, but otherwise THIS IS ALL I WILL DO ALL DAY.
Re: a comment on The Weight of Words and the Meaning in the Wind by somemorepoetry	5-Feb-04/7:01 AM
Morning, Goad. I will before I leave here get one of the -=D_A=-s to comment on a poem of mine. By the way, what was the one of yours you wanted me to excoriate? And are you posting today?
Re: a comment on Notes toward a possible poem by Nicholas Jones	5-Feb-04/6:56 AM
"all but a few shuns" is inspired. Have an Aventinus and pommes klein on me.
Re: Notes toward a possible poem by Nicholas Jones	5-Feb-04/4:56 AM
man my girlfriends like such a big ho / so i killed her (feel bad for it, though!) / yeah it banged up her flesh, / but the body's still fresh - / if you're tempted, do give 'er a go! /
Re: The Weight of Words and the Meaning in the Wind by somemorepoetry	5-Feb-04/4:54 AM
My girl died of causes venereal, / (Well, let's say the disease wasn't aerial!) / If you don't mind infection, / I've let out her rectum / To pay for a good Christian burial. /
Re: a comment on Something's gone wrong by zodiac	5-Feb-04/4:09 AM
Throng- ing rhymes. No one gets the rhyme.
Re: a comment on Gethsemane (or, Jesus learns what's up with dying) by zodiac	5-Feb-04/4:08 AM
It IS part of a novel, and a great rambling unpublishable one called Missing Pages From More Popular Narratives, as are the recent handjob one and the other war poem that's still on here. Jesus is a recurring character. So are Holden Caufield and Hatch Cunnilingus (narrator of the handjob poem), Allen Ginsberg, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson, a man who teaches US History to moderately mentally retarded third-graders, the Hardy Boys (narrators of the other war poem), Superman, Lois Lane, and Lex Luther, Hernan Cortes and his great^25-granddaughter Alma, an intensely stupid woman who is tricked into becoming a prostitute after being lost for 2 weeks on the Greyhound Bus system. Being unpublishable for all the reasons you can imagine, I've considered converting it all to (nominal) poetry and trying to sell it that way.
Re: a comment on Soft Speak; Hard Emotion by Blindpoetry	5-Feb-04/3:48 AM
re: "Dime flicker." Flick a dime, and occasionally, though rarely, it lands perfectly wedged between a naked woman's perfect buttocks.
Re: a comment on Soft Speak; Hard Emotion by Blindpoetry	4-Feb-04/8:16 PM
re: "weird, awkward poetry about things that haven't been written about." ONE LAST THING and then I swear I'm done with this fucked-up string! See if I'm not!!! See, you (blindpoetry) write about breakups, sadness, and that guff because it's embedded into your consciousness, the way you see a sunset and say 'that's beautiful' because someone has told you sunsets are beautiful. You pay attention to them. Now what if instead of telling you sunsets were beautiful, they had told you poo was beautiful, or a duck dying of AIDS, its tender stiffening body tracing duck angels in the powdery snow, was beautiful? Then you'd stop when you saw a duck dying of AIDS and pay attention. You'd think it was poetic. That's what we do. We who write poetry are the ones who TELL PEOPLE THAT THINGS ARE BEAUTIFUL (or insert any other adjective for beautiful.) It's not the other way around. We're the ones who embed things in other people's consciousness, which means the first thing we have to do is get rid of all that guff embedded in us. Does that make any sense? Great. Tchuss!
Re: Soft Beak; Hard lotion by Bachus	4-Feb-04/7:58 PM
Tres evil. What happened to Biff-chin?
Re: Castaway by andrewjthomas	4-Feb-04/7:32 PM
"for water's search of nooks" - neither 'for' nor 'of' seems right. "her currents steer / your bow to break" - also weird. Very clever. Reminds me of good metaphysical stuff, some Herbert or Donne. They didn't bother naming their structures. Never really used the same one twice.
Re: a comment on Soft Speak; Hard Emotion by Blindpoetry	4-Feb-04/6:07 PM
re: "if you haven't PERMANENTLY DAMAGED HIM." The test of your quality as a poet, blindpoetry, is going to be exactly that. Sensitive moaners go in one drawer here and elsewhere; non-sensitive non-moaners go in the other. Oh, and the first drawer is a trash can. Sorry. If you really, really want advice, here's the best I can think of right now: don't give a fuck. Not in a silent-suffering way, but in an I'm an adult now (or will be soon) and it doesn't matter that I got laid by the wrong guy or girl when I was drunk at that party when I was 12 and felt a little bad about it the next morning way. Poetry is so full of those people that it honestly makes me ill. That crap is all bullshit anyway; it's just what people who don't know about poetry think poetry is about in the stock words and phrases that people think poetry is supposed to be written in. You want an idea? Take -=Dark_Angel=-'s advice seriously: write a poem about a Ware-Pig. You think I'm kidding, but I guarantee it won't be a bad poem. And then write about 10,000 more things that haven't been written about before, and then throw all but 2 of those things away and start over again. And by the time you get to that point, you'll be writing great stuff. At least, that's what I hear. And for Chrissake fucking learn the rules of writing English. Anyway, I do feel a little bad about my part in this whole business and hope this begins to make it up to you a little.
Re: a comment on Emily Mae by horus8	4-Feb-04/1:54 PM
Lenore: Are you annabellee?
Re: a comment on Something's gone wrong by zodiac	4-Feb-04/11:44 AM
LENORE: I am not the narrator of this poem. Please do not extrapolate. The narrator is a fictional assistant producer of guided meditational cds on an unknown label, speaking from his palatial (yet oddly sterile) LA-hills bungalow. The ending is abrupt because immediately after speaking the last line he falls asleep. You might argue that this ending is not realistic or in keeping with the situation built by the first stanzas, to which I would answer that the fantastical fictional framework of the fictional asst producer I have created allows me to do whatever the fuck I want with him. And I pretty much ran out of rhymes for 'was' ('fuzz' and 'scuzz' not being able to fit in a productive way,) and along (ditto for 'dong', 'schlong', and 'bong'.) Since you will apparently rampage until someone critiques your last post, I will do us all a favor.
Re: Homeland Security by Lenore	4-Feb-04/11:42 AM
I'm actually with rockmage. It's pretty well-written, barring some of those punctuational things which your higher state of evolution makes you immune to. But it doesn't inspire fear. George Bush inspires fear in me. The headlong crusading of America and Britain inspires fear. This poem could. I think (gasp) it's too intellectual. And are you ending on the note that there actually IS a coming danger? Of course there isn't! On second thought, this is the kind of cadgy line-toeing that makes a famous poem. No matter what side you come from, you'll think this poem says (but not particularly well) what you think. Bravo and an 8.
Re: a comment on bluebells and none by richa	4-Feb-04/8:55 AM
What do you mean? It's the same bum.
Re: thinking while sawin' a few logs by Freethinker1602	4-Feb-04/5:04 AM
Wasn't your nickname nothingtoanyone yesterday?
Re: a comment on Digging A Grave by Billy Biff-Chin	4-Feb-04/4:51 AM
A flying poo, head on.