forced rhyme, stilted rhythm, and devoid of a single unique line.

This has "Hallmark" written all over it.

I think this could have been a decent poem if it had been written in a different style. Here, as is, it's just too generic, although it has a decent rhythm to it. typo on curtain. I like "she fights one here alone."

If you are truly 13, then this is actually very good for someone of that age. It does need to be cleaned up some. I just skimmed the other comments, so if I repeat anything, oh well. Stanza 1, Line 2: "Your" should be "you're." L3: I cannot see a man as a "maid." Make him someone else. The gardener. The caterer. the friggin butler. anything but maid. :-) Stanza 2, line 4 "breathe" should be "breath." Stanza 3 Line 4 "thats" needs an apostrophe. Stanza 5, line 4..it's awkward the way you went from addressing her as "you" to addressing her as "she." Stanza 6 line 1 "i" should be "I". I'm laughing at "I hope you don't mind, I fired the maid"..that's great, even though I still don't think it should be a male "maid". Other than that, the way you are attempting to show action here is awkward as well. It's not a script for a play, it's a poem, right? You need to fix that.

As a sentiment, it's...nice. As a poem, it's horrid. (Sorry). Definitely too cliche, not exactly well-written, and positively boring.

Nice. I'm consistently impressed by what writing I've seen of yours. In fact, yours are among the best I've seen here (or most anywhere online lol) so far. You ignored my email though :( heh anyway this is awesome. I'd tell you my favorite parts, but I'd be quoting most of this piece back to you.

I'm seconding what Zodiac said. :D

This seems to be going back and forth too much between past and present tense. It could also use some cleaning up (typos and incorrectly spelled words etc.) I like "and before color could reach my cornea" and "before learning to crawl upon tiled floors." Those are the only lines that really stand out to me as 'strong' lines.

This is cute..okay, there's some humor. Which merits it a 5. I wouldn't do more because frankly the subject matter is just utterly ridiculous. Get on your soapbox now...I can already tell you're the type :-)
(I can't believe everyone gave this a 10)

This isn't bad...lyric wise. I mean, i can kinda 'hear' it as a song. As a poem I'd consider it more lacking. Anyway, my only major suggestion to you is to revise your chorus because the line with the phrase "an idea stupid" is quite awkward and way too forced a rhyme.

I think it could work either way

pretty and rhythmic, but not very unique.

er..and that's "certainly" not "certaintly" hehe

er...cleverdevice...it's only a dream certaintly should have an apostrophe. It's a contraction of "it is." And you forgot to mention that "tomorrow" is spelled wrong. :D
Not a bad poem, though, clumsey.

Not bad. Good imagery. Too many commas in S2.

This one's too generic, too. It needs to "show" more in order to back up what you're trying to say with it and "tell" less, unless you can tell it with more originality than that.

Way too generic. This could be a Hallmark card. And probably should be.

I like this poem. Although I don't feel like it really gets going until Stanza 5, which is my favorite, along with the ending stanza. The repetition of together etc. works really well in this piece.

This is great. I really like this poem. A very bold concept, written well. Nice job!

This is well-written (in an English/word usage kinda way). Personally, being into more contemporary type stuff, the content just doesn't do anything for me. But that's just personal preference, not really anything against your writing.