on some deleted poem
19 Jan 2005, 5:45 PM
You should sell this to Hallmark. What is it with the self-help poems today....
on Never Did You by Dreammaker1024
25 Jan 2005, 8:01 PM
You need some line breaks in there to make it flow better. i think thi'll be all right if you do that and do a little more work to it.
on American Semele (Edit) by Sasha
19 Jan 2005, 5:49 PM
Not too bad. I thought it said American Shemale thouth....that could be an interesting poem....
on Below Zero by Shardik
19 Jan 2005, 5:51 PM
Nice, the end did save it.
on some deleted poem
19 Jan 2005, 5:53 PM
This one I like better than your last one I read...which actually was posted after this one, but...well....never mind, you don't care.
on Half a dozen by thepinkbunnyofdoom
20 Jan 2005, 5:30 PM
I think it's pretty good, but I'd use out of instead of outta.
on Blue Executioner by Caducus
20 Jan 2005, 5:31 PM
well done
on Enlightenment by Dovina
20 Jan 2005, 5:34 PM
in an age of...much better than your last, D.
on The Snow Globe by Caducus
20 Jan 2005, 5:36 PM
beautifully written, although sad.
on The Flower by Bhaskaryya
20 Jan 2005, 8:05 PM
More showing and less telling. You could say all this much more beautifully with fewer words and a little more specific.
on Feudal Conflict by Dovina
24 Jan 2005, 7:07 PM
Is this about chess...or about "the look"? If it's about chess, then I'm bored....if it's about "the look" then I'm scared.
on some deleted poem
24 Jan 2005, 7:23 PM
I don't know what in the sam hill you're blubbering about here, but I'll give you a nine simply for fuckle.
on Renton: Girls Deferred by heartlessempath
24 Jan 2005, 7:29 PM
This is pretty not bad. 9.49
on some deleted poem
25 Jan 2005, 7:45 PM
I've always been wary when people do weird things with lines like this. It's usually to mask how crappy the poem is. I think that you have something here, but I'd lose the line crap and bring it together a little more.
on some deleted poem
25 Jan 2005, 7:40 PM
lovely as always, but I think it lacks something...a certain cohesion....I'll think on it and get back to you. 7 for now.
on An Ode To Mr. Moon (Acrostic) by Bhaskaryya
25 Jan 2005, 7:42 PM
I'm not a big fan of the Acrostic form, but this isn't too bad.
on ... by shygirl1619
27 Jan 2005, 6:45 PM
Work on your spelling and put line breaks in te right places and this isn't half bad.
on Your Eyes Are Like Stearling Saphires in the month of June by tisa7
27 Jan 2005, 6:47 PM
simple but pretty.