on Tawn-tastic by Topaz Servias
14 Apr 2004, 1:01 PM
I'm sorry, but you're not a native french speaker.
on some deleted poem
14 Apr 2004, 4:49 PM
Use more sound-music besides rhyme in this poem
on Unseen Death by Fire_is_cool
14 Apr 2004, 7:19 PM
Show, don't tell
on Life on the Sidewalk (with superfluous vulgarisms) by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
14 Apr 2004, 7:28 PM
Not a sonnet
on The Queen & The Locksmith by Jeremi B. Handrinos
14 Apr 2004, 7:30 PM
Not Iambic pentameter. Forced. Inverted, introverted. A bad poem in general
on The Smarts aint Stupids by Shardik
14 Apr 2004, 7:32 PM
This is not iambic pentameter, rather amateurish in its construction, and, above all, makes no sense.
on Dear Lord by simone_girard
14 Apr 2004, 7:32 PM
Not a sonnet.
on some deleted poem
14 Apr 2004, 7:36 PM
Would you mind not recycling old poems by slightly editing them. It pushes the genuinely new creations off the "recent" list
on some deleted poem
14 Apr 2004, 7:37 PM
Would you mind not recycling old poems by slightly editing them. It pushes the genuinely new creations off the "recent" list
on some deleted poem
14 Apr 2004, 7:37 PM
Would you mind not recycling old poems by slightly editing them. It pushes the genuinely new creations off the "recent" list
on some deleted poem
14 Apr 2004, 7:54 PM
oh, and it's "más romantica que EN Ingles" you need the preposition in Spanish, even in comparisons
on some deleted poem
14 Apr 2004, 7:51 PM
I must say, being a translator of poetry, a linguist, and a poet, that the idea of relative beauty of languages is a myth.
It is obvious to me that this poem was written by a native english speaker translating english clichés
into Spanish to make them sound fresh."te amo con todo mi corazón" for example certainly would not sound as good as the cliché "I love you with all my heart" from which it was translated.
Also it should be "te conozco" not "conozco tigo."
It is obvious to me that this poem was written by a native english speaker translating english clichés
into Spanish to make them sound fresh."te amo con todo mi corazón" for example certainly would not sound as good as the cliché "I love you with all my heart" from which it was translated.
Also it should be "te conozco" not "conozco tigo."
on A ballerina bubble bath by horus8
14 Apr 2004, 9:20 PM
GOOD! One of the very few poems on PoemRanker that is actually worth reading! Shortening of the lines would make it more immediate in effect and impact
on Assassin Nation by Blue Magpie
14 Apr 2004, 9:24 PM
the breath/death rhyme is cliché and expected (Other than shibboleth, seth, and elizabeth, there aren't any modern english words that rhyme with death/breath)
rather Well executed though
rather Well executed though
on some deleted poem
17 Apr 2004, 9:44 AM
This reminds me, in style though not in message, of W.S. Merwin
I give this poem a seven in part because it is frank, with little imagery which is not a vice in and of itself (if it were Pushkin would not be the great poet he is) but also, the words do not seem to use their sound to enhance the poem and to conjure up the thought for themselves.
What I mean by this can be better illustrated by example. Take Robert Frost when talking about a woman who slept with a nightlight on:
Good gloom on her was thrown away.
These sounds work together perfectly and inimitably. One feels they are somehow "right" for what is said.
If you don't use a lot of imagery, try for what I am tempted to call word-music
I give this poem a seven in part because it is frank, with little imagery which is not a vice in and of itself (if it were Pushkin would not be the great poet he is) but also, the words do not seem to use their sound to enhance the poem and to conjure up the thought for themselves.
What I mean by this can be better illustrated by example. Take Robert Frost when talking about a woman who slept with a nightlight on:
Good gloom on her was thrown away.
These sounds work together perfectly and inimitably. One feels they are somehow "right" for what is said.
If you don't use a lot of imagery, try for what I am tempted to call word-music