on Secada (Parody of sasha's lying vagina) by Bachus
25 May 2004, 7:22 PM
What bow'ls
on some deleted poem
24 Jul 2004, 4:25 PM
Your meter is nonexistant, the subject is cliché, and you are too young to be even trying.
on The American Soldier by x0lovelylarnx0
24 Jul 2004, 4:29 PM
Rhymes are off, iambic pentameter is not there, and the sire.fire rhyme is forced, as are they all.
This is actually a pretty good specimen of the crap that happens when young'uns like you think they can be profound.
-blessed with a 2-
Really, I'm being hard on you because I am expressing an honest opinion, not because I'm retaliating.
This is actually a pretty good specimen of the crap that happens when young'uns like you think they can be profound.
-blessed with a 2-
Really, I'm being hard on you because I am expressing an honest opinion, not because I'm retaliating.
on The Dream by x0lovelylarnx0
24 Jul 2004, 4:31 PM
This shows some grasp of imagery. The rhymes are once again forced though. When you have a word accented on the penultimate syllable ending a line, you should have 11 syllables in the line total.
on some deleted poem
10 Jul 2004, 6:40 AM
68.124.81.110
68.124.81.110
68.124.81.110
This is hilarious. I looked at my ratings and the three poems that were on the "Best" list had recieved a 0 from the above IP. So I figured, whoever got above me on the Best list was the one who voted on them. I also realized that since they were literally within seconds of each other the voter had no time to actually read the poems. I noticed your Username there on the best list, just above my own. So I checked on who voted on yours. It turns out 68.124.81.110 voted on ALL of your poems, yes ALL of them on July 9th. Not only that, but they were all tens.
So, 68.124.81.110, or crystal lane swift, I understand how much your vote inflation means to you, but don't give other people 0's just because they're better than you. It makes you look as bad as you really are.
on some deleted poem
10 Jul 2004, 6:41 AM
68.124.81.110
68.124.81.110
68.124.81.110
This is hilarious. I looked at my ratings and the three poems that were on the "Best" list had recieved a 0 from the above IP. So I figured, whoever got above me on the Best list was the one who voted on them. I also realized that since they were literally within seconds of each other the voter had no time to actually read the poems. I noticed your Username there on the best list, just above my own. So I checked on who voted on yours. It turns out 68.124.81.110 voted on ALL of your poems, yes ALL of them on July 9th. Not only that, but they were all tens.
So, 68.124.81.110, or crystal lane swift, I understand how much your vote inflation means to you, but don't give other people 0's just because they're better than you. It makes you look as bad as you really are.
68.124.81.110
68.124.81.110
This is hilarious. I looked at my ratings and the three poems that were on the "Best" list had recieved a 0 from the above IP. So I figured, whoever got above me on the Best list was the one who voted on them. I also realized that since they were literally within seconds of each other the voter had no time to actually read the poems. I noticed your Username there on the best list, just above my own. So I checked on who voted on yours. It turns out 68.124.81.110 voted on ALL of your poems, yes ALL of them on July 9th. Not only that, but they were all tens.
So, 68.124.81.110, or crystal lane swift, I understand how much your vote inflation means to you, but don't give other people 0's just because they're better than you. It makes you look as bad as you really are.
on The Thinker by cedand1
21 Jun 2004, 8:39 PM
Wonderful!
Really
Really
on Center Of The Universe by Dovina
21 Jun 2004, 8:47 AM
Too much telling, not enough showing.
on some deleted poem
21 Jun 2004, 8:44 AM
you've got a very good sense of sprung rhythm in poetry.
This, however, does not excuse trying to rhyme left and wept, and heartbeat is accented on the first, not the last syllable.
You yourself say it in the poem:
"These awkward rhymes drone on and on"
Yes. Yes they really do.
To top it off you've got the poem's subject matter which, though very poetic, has been overdone to the point of nausea.
"All I want is to be your mate"
This means either a) you two are a pair of rabbits, wolves or dogs who cant wait to get it on, b) you are two australians drinking beer at a pub or 3) you are doing a very bad job of forcing a rhyme. My guess is 3)
Sorry to be so damning, but for one of the few times on pranker I feel the odd and somewhat out of place desire to critique this poem seriously. So now you have it
You do get a 6 for effort.
-Cheers-
This, however, does not excuse trying to rhyme left and wept, and heartbeat is accented on the first, not the last syllable.
You yourself say it in the poem:
"These awkward rhymes drone on and on"
Yes. Yes they really do.
To top it off you've got the poem's subject matter which, though very poetic, has been overdone to the point of nausea.
"All I want is to be your mate"
This means either a) you two are a pair of rabbits, wolves or dogs who cant wait to get it on, b) you are two australians drinking beer at a pub or 3) you are doing a very bad job of forcing a rhyme. My guess is 3)
Sorry to be so damning, but for one of the few times on pranker I feel the odd and somewhat out of place desire to critique this poem seriously. So now you have it
You do get a 6 for effort.
-Cheers-
on some deleted poem
20 Jun 2004, 12:30 PM
Try Babelfish. That makes things interesting usually
on That Girl Before by Miggy
18 Jun 2004, 9:44 PM
I tried to read this as a poem and found that it just didn't work. It maybe a good song for all I know, I didn't have the music though.
on Bitter bacardi makes the black stones dance. by SupremeDreamer
7 Jun 2004, 3:17 PM
I'll give you $30 if you can find one native english speaker who actually talks like this. No one English dialect exhibits all of the features in this villanelle. So I'll have to give you a six for being inauthentic and inconsistent.
on Bitter bacardi makes the black stones dance. by SupremeDreamer
7 Jun 2004, 3:26 PM
Oh, and you henceforth have no right to pontificate about stuffy "classic" style when you have talked about a "hat so drear." What's worse though is that you've done it in a poem with "rollin'" and " 'cause" sprinkled through it. It's jarring to say the least.
on USS Pride by DR Limerick
7 Jun 2004, 1:49 PM
"her" has long ceased to be viable as a reflexive pronoun.
on some deleted poem
4 Jun 2004, 6:04 PM
honestly I think he actually sounds most like the rat-faced sidekick's pet rat Scabbers.
on some deleted poem
22 May 2004, 9:22 AM
I'll give you a ten as a prize for the most vote self-inflation on record
on some deleted poem
22 May 2004, 9:22 AM
I like the part about the nipple clamps though
on some deleted poem
22 May 2004, 11:53 AM
Thank you, Hostileintent, for that anonymous retaliatory Zero. Changing computers doesen't hide the fact that you're still in the SAME BUILDING's IP domain
Jesus. You are sooooooooo good. It just amazes me. The beginning of nearly every line with "I" provides a sense of continuity that more than makes up for the disjointed yet comfortingly predictable lines. It is hard to believe that this is the work of an adolescent struggling to keep it together.
A well deserved 10
HAHAHAHAHA
Fooled ya, didn't I.
No. Sorry. I was kidding. This poem sucks. I know it's hard to bear someone telling you that but it does. It reminds me of the soppy crap of my English teacher way way way back in my freshman year of highschool: Self-righteous, cliché, and about as articulate as George Bush while talking to the cop who pulled him over for drunk driving.
A well deserved 0.
A well deserved 10
HAHAHAHAHA
Fooled ya, didn't I.
No. Sorry. I was kidding. This poem sucks. I know it's hard to bear someone telling you that but it does. It reminds me of the soppy crap of my English teacher way way way back in my freshman year of highschool: Self-righteous, cliché, and about as articulate as George Bush while talking to the cop who pulled him over for drunk driving.
A well deserved 0.