nypoet22
on Game Over by nentwined
24 Mar 2021, 10:22 AM
last stanza not necessary, trying to be too broad. stick with the image and stop where it stops.
they carry a boy to his first filled lungs--it works well. his confusion unresolved . . . too late to say goodbye--rather glib, I think.
ah, not so, not so, not so.
much to say, just play, I say
some holds sway, some sinks away
take the fun, don't run, you're no bum
Eat a dick. ;D
69 gone wrong?
the title sucks.
Why do you even mention children? For more sympathy? STFU. btw, don't anonymously hate you fucking cunt rag. Sign your name on it. Bitch.
I say take out the first stanza.
Birds eating bats... interesting notion. Your political slant is rather noticeable.
Birds eating bats... interesting notion. Your political slant is rather noticeable.
"done up both her holes"? nice... except the context is fucked. Unlike you.
conny lingers 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1 10 March 10, 2021 9:17 AM PST
Anonymous 127.0.0.1 10 February 11, 2021 11:00 AM PST
Engelbert Humpalot 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1 10 February 3, 2021 7:30 AM PST
Anonymous 0:0:0:0:0:0:0:1 10 January 14, 2021 10:19 AM PST
YOU ARE A SAD EXCUSE FOR A POET!
You call it "false memory" and I hope it is. Otherwise it's a morbid, but uniquely phrased, look back. Perhaps a mind like mine; it can go either way.
OY VAY!
This is the most horrible thing I have ever read already! I love it.
Not very kosher!
Shear numbers; they're in for a haircut, a scalping.
Shearing flight, slicing the air.
Shearing numbers: as immortalised by Kerouac.
And as always he leaned his blind head on his pale hand, all ears opened like the ears of an elephant, listening to the American sounds and mastering them for his own English summer's-night use. Then they urged him to get up and play. He did. He played innumerable choruses with amazing chords that mounted higher and higher till the sweat splashed all over the piano and everybody listened in awe and fright. They led him off the stand after an hour. He went back to his dark corner, old God Shearing, and the boys said, 'There ain't nothin left after that.
https://www.muziekweb.nl/en/Link/U000011
Very witty
Oy vay!
This is the first of the five.
Nothing else has been written yet.