| regarding some deleted poem... |
some deleted user 68.66.196.168 |
22-Apr-04/11:44 AM |
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Shouldn't that be: "Built for service . . ." Actually this whole line seems to break the flow. I've known a Rachel - great musician, lacking elsewhere.
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| Re: Quintus: Lesson 1 by richa |
some deleted user 68.66.196.168 |
22-Apr-04/11:52 AM |
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This may be the first time I think I understand a poem of yours.
The lesson of the tutor is repugnant green.
The student wants cushy blue.
But the icky green is just a reflection from the sycamore.
But what are the fishes - reflections of sycamore leaves, maybe.
All sorts of nice implications here.
Love it.
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| Re: I Can't Have You (This Has To Be Over) by JohnnyRocker |
some deleted user 68.66.196.168 |
22-Apr-04/11:57 AM |
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"I'd hate to believe I was caught in a feeling" Of course you were caught in a feeling.
You don't show me why this has to be over.
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| Re: do androids dream? by nentwined |
some deleted user 68.66.196.168 |
22-Apr-04/12:04 PM |
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To create a machine or enslave a human that thinks like a slave and works like a slave has been the goal for a long time. Good summary.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Fear of Garbage 156.63.85.15 |
22-Apr-04/12:07 PM |
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alright...who gave this a 10?
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| Re: Summer Festival by wilco |
some deleted user 68.66.196.168 |
22-Apr-04/12:07 PM |
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"providing a joyous occasion the memory of all." Somehting grammetically displeasing about this line.
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| Re: Tribute To Edgar Allen Poe by Fear of Garbage |
nentwined 66.92.28.14 |
22-Apr-04/12:38 PM |
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I don't get it.
Besides that, "aloud -> allowed".
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| Re: The Price You Pay by Fear of Garbage |
nentwined 66.92.28.14 |
22-Apr-04/12:40 PM |
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| Re: Stealing Glory by Enkidu |
some deleted user 68.66.196.168 |
22-Apr-04/1:11 PM |
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For Glory and esprit de corps! The lone comma seems crying for help from buddies. I think they would ease the flow.
I am hoping you will take the time to answer my comment in response to your comment on "Didactic Phoneticals."
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| Re: Tribute To Edgar Allen Poe by Fear of Garbage |
some deleted user 68.66.196.168 |
22-Apr-04/1:16 PM |
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I've read some of Poe, not all. Wish I knew what you are referring to.
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| Re: Simply beautiful by tre |
some deleted user 68.66.196.168 |
22-Apr-04/1:57 PM |
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Good idea, but too wordy. Poetry should provoke thought, not tell everything, and definitely not repeat anything.
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| Re: Biography I (1996) by halofriendly |
some deleted user 68.66.196.168 |
22-Apr-04/2:03 PM |
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The ending! That's the good part. If only the poem worked rhythmicly toward it.
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| Re: Seven Sins for Seven Men (Part 1) by wilco |
nentwined 66.92.28.14 |
22-Apr-04/2:07 PM |
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nice, but where are the six other sins?
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| Re: Seven Sins for Seven Men (Part 1) by wilco |
some deleted user 68.66.196.168 |
22-Apr-04/2:24 PM |
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Last line of first verse needs a ".
This flows very nicely right up to the end. The only problem is that I don't see what happened. He made it through the storm, then in the clear day we find his ship capsized and him sinking to hell.
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| Re: You by Fire_is_cool |
some deleted user 68.66.196.168 |
22-Apr-04/4:11 PM |
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Do you mean "daughter of Satan himself"? Sorry, don't get it.
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| Re: Secret Identities Revealed by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
Modulo 129.65.136.199 |
22-Apr-04/4:21 PM |
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| Re: 8 or 9 by tadpole |
edpeterson 68.79.24.84 |
22-Apr-04/4:31 PM |
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I love it. I would get rid of the double rocks in the first stanza, and remove one of the coins at the end, probably quarter. very good poem.
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| Re: You by Fire_is_cool |
capachijim 24.168.25.13 |
22-Apr-04/4:36 PM |
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| Re: Looking down by INTRANSIT |
capachijim 24.168.25.13 |
22-Apr-04/4:37 PM |
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I don't exactly get the disjunction, maybe it should be a Concrete poem. Otherwise, not bad -8-
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| Re: i blame me by nolan |
capachijim 24.168.25.13 |
22-Apr-04/4:37 PM |
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moving and very free form, the way I like it -10-
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