regarding some deleted poem...	richa 81.178.193.19	18-Apr-04/4:14 AM
Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.
regarding some deleted poem...	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.86.113.159	17-Apr-04/6:15 PM
10. ARE 'FRIENDS' ELECTRIC?
regarding some deleted poem...	nentwined 66.92.183.34	17-Apr-04/6:31 PM
Nice image, but the 'stills' bugs me. Is it just stopping now, or has it been stopped? If the first, maybe a comma after? If the latter, ...?
Re: Suicide Girl by wilco	titan69 213.48.74.91	18-Apr-04/12:38 AM
some great lines. But lacked somthing i feel
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 68.66.196.168	17-Apr-04/7:11 PM
Why should I continue to comment and vote on your poems when within a day you replace them under the guise of a revision? I find the practice frustrating and disrespectful.
Re: Pretend by EvenPicturesFade	some deleted user 68.66.196.168	17-Apr-04/7:14 PM
What's wrong with being fake? We are all fake. Just be a good fake, and you'll be ok.
Re: The painted Chair by Sunshine Conkey	EvenPicturesFade 68.192.154.38	17-Apr-04/7:15 PM
I like it, but I agree. How'd you come up with the title?
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	17-Apr-04/7:49 PM
a nice flow, H - prolly could loose some commas at the start, other than that a solid and fresh sentiment.
Re: The painted Chair by Sunshine Conkey	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	17-Apr-04/7:51 PM
cute. Yeah, not crazy about the title either, whether you like being sat on or not.
Re: The painted Chair by Sunshine Conkey	Sunshine Conkey 216.67.196.157	17-Apr-04/10:39 PM
old chairs get scratched up,glued together or whatever then keep getting repainted to look nice. But under all that pretty presentable paint it's still the same old chair. and whats wrong with the chair showing all its original charm...as long as the legs (foundation of the chair) is still strong enough to hold it up and serve its purpose?
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	18-Apr-04/5:24 AM
I really like the puffer fish bit - never seen or considered that and it presents a solid image.
Re: Summers Breath on my neck by unouluvme	zodiac 67.240.192.43	18-Apr-04/5:53 AM
Not bad, really. "Summers" is "Summer's" of course. "Tounge" is "tongue". And "the hair that lays flat" should be "hair that lies flat" without the the.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 67.240.192.43	18-Apr-04/6:04 AM
"to, simply" is a little rough. I'd say to change it to "simply to" but then you'd look like you were trying to rhyme two/to, which is JohnK to the max. You shouldn't ever use ellipses ever again. They're wrong, wrong, wrong. You need something between earth and we - I don't know what, a word maybe. "heal his heart from her departure" would do better with a different preposition. The last line should have more punch. I wonder if the problem is that you've not positioned a real speaker in the poem (I've noticed this is a recurring thing of yours.) The 'we' narration doesn't allow for a lot of the really fine details; it's like you're orating at a wake, trying to speak for everybody by not speaking too much for any one person - rather than, I don't know, meditating by a new grave. The more I think about it, the more that seems to be the case. It's too general and imageless. I would definitely consider re-working it with a very narrow first-person focus.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 67.240.192.43	18-Apr-04/6:23 AM
S2 is really weak. The rest is okay, but not really my thing.
Re: The painted Chair by Sunshine Conkey	zodiac 67.240.192.43	18-Apr-04/6:44 AM
Do you see how no matter how you screw with the format, your poems are all essentially the same, stylistically? -Genuinely Curious in AZ
Re: Strange by WondrousMoment	zodiac 67.240.192.43	18-Apr-04/6:46 AM
Ananin yara var, ve baban jelos oldu, ibne.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 67.240.192.43	18-Apr-04/6:50 AM
Igao walang kang diti, anak ka nang puta.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 67.240.192.43	18-Apr-04/6:59 AM
"has become" should be "becomes"; that sentence is already complicated enough without the presentperfect or whatever it's called. I like the pause in "blusher, or play," but a comma isn't the way to do it. I think it should be a dash or line-break. And do you think puffer-fish and trout hold together?
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 67.240.192.43	18-Apr-04/7:03 AM
;
regarding some deleted poem...	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 131.111.212.215	18-Apr-04/7:43 AM
Disgusting.