Re: Hologram glasses by zodiac	Shuushin 147.154.235.51	5-Apr-04/2:03 PM
I laughed, I cried. nice job.
Re: Mr. Jawharp Man by Sidekickboy	zodiac 152.18.33.182	5-Apr-04/2:09 PM
"Self reliance is the way we're told" is poor wording. The repetition of "All the while" is more irritating than interesting. I would recommend not capitalizing the random religiousish words. "Murmer" should be "murmur." More importantly, I find this a supreme overstatement, a single idea refashioned about 30 minimally-different ways. I'd be interested in seeing how you would express the same idea in maybe 8 lines. Or how you'd fit more ideas into this (or a smaller) space. Take a look here for an idea of how that's done: http://www.poemranker.com/user-browse.jsp?id=2640
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 152.18.33.182	5-Apr-04/2:13 PM
I think the middle part should be reworked as: "but instead sliced it clean off, a [metaphor here maybe]. I still remember etc etc." Maybe play around some with the line length in the first part, some richa enjambment. I don't know how, exactly. At any rate I'd lose the dash, ellipses, and unnecessary I.
Re: Hologram glasses by zodiac	Shuushin 147.154.235.51	5-Apr-04/2:13 PM
why didn't you just add a new poem instead of blowing this one away?
Re: Alive within the sound of life by Prince of Void	some deleted user 68.169.177.107	5-Apr-04/2:21 PM
Should first line be "thousands of tears?" Should second line omit the extra spaces? Should third line be "sorrow?" The list goes on!
Re: On the Discovery of Cyclone #11 and a Card-Playing Bear . by MacFrantic	some deleted user 68.169.177.107	5-Apr-04/2:23 PM
Cute, but rhymes are forced.
Re: STRESS STINKS! ARRID WORKS! by Sidekickboy	some deleted user 68.169.177.107	5-Apr-04/2:30 PM
Yes you love her, we got that right away, and many of the many ways are repeated in other ways as we go through this long poem. Still some lines are good:
Re: On the Discovery of Cyclone #11 and a Card-Playing Bear . by MacFrantic	zodiac 152.18.33.182	5-Apr-04/2:42 PM
I knew this old East German raver Who'd do me sometimes for a favor Man, she was so hirsute That to locate her chute Took an hour with an electric shaver
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 68.169.177.107	5-Apr-04/2:43 PM
Im really surprised you didn't take this farther into poetic (shall I say 'guff' in honor of a poem above and a comment on Daveslady's poem) comparatives. Still the image is very smelly red.
Re: QUENDOCRACY by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w	some deleted user 68.169.177.107	5-Apr-04/2:45 PM
I'd gove you 10 if you'd said 9.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 152.18.33.182	5-Apr-04/2:45 PM
The last line is such a disappointment. This is me reversing my usual advice to p/r posters: you should cut the last line and then add about 8 more about something or other. And "rising hope" bugs me.
Re: Are Gays From Uranus by scitz	some deleted user 68.169.177.107	5-Apr-04/2:46 PM
No, sorry, it doesn't follow.
Re: missing by francis nor capule	some deleted user 68.169.177.107	5-Apr-04/2:54 PM
Zodiac, how can I trust your votes anymore? Too much is overwritten here, too many spelling and grammar faults. Some nice thoughts, but "my heart throbs?"
regarding some deleted poem...	Dan garcia-Black 68.120.42.72	5-Apr-04/5:11 PM
If truth is a measure of a good poem, then, by all means, this is a ten.
Re: Then again who really fucked me over by Freethinker1602	Dan garcia-Black 68.120.42.72	5-Apr-04/5:15 PM
Passionate.
Re: Summers Breath on my neck by unouluvme	unouluvme 64.105.104.91	5-Apr-04/5:23 PM
what word could i use on the "soon to turn green" instead of the word "green"
Re: Alive within the sound of life by Prince of Void	wilco 24.176.102.131	5-Apr-04/6:50 PM
Not a bad poem, but I think that you need to incest in Microsoft Word simply for the spell-checker. I've found that it helps!
Re: the rhyming one by nugit15	embersandenvelopes 24.152.203.178	5-Apr-04/8:33 PM
Although I'm not a big fan of rhyme like this, I liked some of the imagery, in particular "My ceiling holds secrets concealed..."
Re: wish by daniella	embersandenvelopes 24.152.203.178	5-Apr-04/8:36 PM
concise and beautiful
Re: Breaking Breath by daniella	embersandenvelopes 24.152.203.178	5-Apr-04/8:41 PM
I liked the imagery but I got a little mixed and turned around while reading this. However, I think if you cleaned it up some, it would take away from the poem instead of adding to it. I think it's one of those that I have to keep reading several times over.