Re: peppermint by the indign	-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.128.185.241	29-Mar-04/6:43 PM
A bog-soiled pneumostool
Re: debating by FreeFormFixation	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	29-Mar-04/5:29 PM
I liked it, sure. Clangs along nicely enough.
Re: Try, Please Try by Spindle	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	29-Mar-04/5:45 PM
Points for hitting a universal emotion.
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 68.169.177.107	29-Mar-04/9:53 AM
Grammar: When all she really is “The Queen of Pennies.” Wordy: still it is the home Still, a good story, fairly well told.
Re: From the Top of Apartment Stairwells by embersandenvelopes	some deleted user 68.169.177.107	29-Mar-04/9:56 AM
Does not follow the title.
Re: Espera by GekoHawaii	Spindle 206.82.16.35	29-Mar-04/10:11 AM
Interested in being an architect are we? (angles?) Hehe, and you forgot the s' silly, :-p Oh, guess who....ahahahahaha
Re: Old Glory by Richard	richa 81.178.208.255	29-Mar-04/10:59 AM
'the wind of freedom'? - Presumably a wind that has been let out.
Re: dying love by singinkygal	some deleted user 68.169.177.107	29-Mar-04/11:23 AM
Try this as a short story, it might work better.
Re: The Punk With The Stutter by Joe-joe	zodiac 152.18.33.194	29-Mar-04/12:02 PM
Hey Joe-Joe, I'm having trouble finding your name on the New School homepage. Could you post the address? It's Robert Daltry, by the way.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	29-Mar-04/4:50 PM
I'll limit my crits to two simple things. One, is basic - try to show, not tell - and really, try not to do both (like you've done here). 2) loose the buts.
Re: The Girl With the Tye-Dyed Hair by wilco	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	29-Mar-04/4:54 PM
First stanza - the age old confusion: do they congregate to the girl or the bar? This makes brain go "huh? OH, okay" The punch line falls flat, imho. dunno [shrug]
Re: Old Glory by Richard	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	29-Mar-04/4:57 PM
Nice concrete. These are unusual enough that I won't fault you for the content - which isn't so horrible as _others_ may lead you to believe... As a concrete - an 8
Re: Dreams and Galaxies by embersandenvelopes	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	29-Mar-04/5:02 PM
Not bad vsuede. I think you said "spell" one time too many, and you have a capital "A" where you don't want one. This is one of those that I'm sometimes guilty of too though - it's pretty, has some clever language, but one walks away not quite knowing what it is about. That's fine to an extent, but I don't think you got away with it here (at least with me).
Re: From the Top of Apartment Stairwells by embersandenvelopes	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	29-Mar-04/5:03 PM
A tastey snippet - but needs more to be more.
Re: Scattered Spaces by embersandenvelopes	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	29-Mar-04/5:06 PM
and so.... ? again, need more context methinks. Some nice language though.
Re: peppermint by the indign	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	29-Mar-04/5:08 PM
Hmmmm. A little punctuation would not hurt this - not that I'm not for a little artistic freedom, but in this case - its a distracting omission. I almost like this - pare it down a bit and I think it will be more palatable.
Re: searching by francis nor capule	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	29-Mar-04/5:19 PM
"i won't promise the stars [OR]the moon" - this is a common mistake. Its a nice sentiment.
Re: dying love by singinkygal	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	29-Mar-04/5:26 PM
Needs to stand out from this very crowded "lost love" room.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	29-Mar-04/11:26 PM
Not bad H, not bad at all.
Re: Another Fucking Slow, Sad Song by wilco	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	29-Mar-04/11:30 PM
yep. sure is.