| Re: thaw by JakeBike |
zodiac 67.240.192.201 |
24-Mar-04/6:07 AM |
|
-1 for welling, tumefying.
|
|
|
 |
| regarding some deleted poem... |
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.86.113.159 |
24-Mar-04/8:43 AM |
|
Worse than a guff-scented electro-cosy full of spazz.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Edd by Bobjim |
zodiac 67.240.192.201 |
24-Mar-04/9:30 AM |
|
For a second I thought this was a repost of ?-Dave Mysterious-?'s enchanting poem "EGG", which I believe you are familiar with. Sadly, it wasn't.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
Joe-joe 68.194.47.34 |
24-Mar-04/10:36 AM |
|
And the obsession with Jesus by those who do not believe continues on, and on and on...... If only those who claim to believe were in posession of such passion and sense of commitment.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.86.113.159 |
24-Mar-04/12:18 PM |
|
A SPAZ SPAZ REVERSE-BOOTH
A VICAR REFILL
A MEGA-GUFF EXTRACTOR
A HOBO-COMPATIBLE LOBSTER COSY
A HOPELESSLY EXPERIMENTAL ARSE CLEANER
AN AWARD-WINNING INDUSTRIAL NEGRO-INFESTED WIPE
A DWARF EXAGGERATOR
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
richa 81.178.205.64 |
24-Mar-04/2:03 PM |
|
The picture is ace. Although it does kind of look like jesus is wearing a mini-skirt.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Fishing Trip by darkshark |
richa 81.178.214.98 |
25-Mar-04/5:17 AM |
|
|
|
| Re: Love in Winter Storage by Russell |
richa 81.178.214.98 |
25-Mar-04/5:21 AM |
|
Quite a nice sound (apart from the sings/distemper stings forced rhyme).
Not sure sparrows lurk though.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
Shuushin 207.5.211.177 |
25-Mar-04/6:28 AM |
|
What's this about? Conistoga wagons, colony trade?
Feels short.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Style / Ffordd by Nicholas Jones |
Shuushin 207.5.211.177 |
25-Mar-04/6:30 AM |
|
While you wait for Godot, I wait for poetry.
Actually, this makes a solid point... if only it were SPANISH, well then - ooo that would be sumfin.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Reunion by syrusstone |
zodiac 67.240.211.250 |
25-Mar-04/6:32 AM |
|
Tongue. Tongue, tongue, tongue.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Misplaced Life by Richard |
Shuushin 207.5.211.177 |
25-Mar-04/6:32 AM |
|
"You, a new flavor expanding
Across my windshield."
Richard, for this kind of [sadly very common] subject matter it needs to really stand out to, well, stand out.
Some good imagery here, but not truly striking.
|
|
|
|
| Re: I'm Alive! by sonawrote |
zodiac 67.240.211.250 |
25-Mar-04/6:34 AM |
|
My favorite part was when you kinda summarized all your previous points at the end. That really drew it all together for me.
|
|
|
|
| Re: I'm Alive! by sonawrote |
Shuushin 207.5.211.177 |
25-Mar-04/6:34 AM |
|
Hey - not a bad hook. Could make a good song.
|
|
|
|
| Re: I'm Alive! by sonawrote |
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.133.122.57 |
25-Mar-04/6:34 AM |
|
A toilet-approved Swiss army jodhpur of triumph -10-
|
|
|
|
| Re: Misplaced Life by Richard |
zodiac 67.240.211.250 |
25-Mar-04/6:35 AM |
|
Some verbs would have been nice.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Reunion by syrusstone |
Shuushin 207.5.211.177 |
25-Mar-04/6:36 AM |
|
hmmmm.... some line breaks would give this a better flow.
Some fresh thoughts on a pretty common theme.
|
|
|
|
| Re: The Beautiful Chase by smlink84 |
Shuushin 207.5.211.177 |
25-Mar-04/6:38 AM |
|
problem with this:
"As a mother intent on
With a million vows."
the language use with all those conjunctions, prepositions and simple verbs doesn't do this much help.
|
|
|
|
| regarding some deleted poem... |
Shuushin 207.5.211.177 |
25-Mar-04/6:41 AM |
|
right off, "He says that I live in cyber space well" is problematic cuz brain want to make "well" a noun, so if feels choppy there.
"bites" - done on purpose or not, this should be bits or bytes.
I like the idea of this, the perspective, and you could do some nice things with the vocab, but the ending doesn't really give enough of a payout.
|
|
|
|
| Re: end of era by the indign |
Shuushin 207.5.211.177 |
25-Mar-04/6:42 AM |
|
aphoristic, and could be truth - but it's only a subset of a poem.
|
|
|
|
