| Re: Stolen Away by Carvaceous |
Sapphire2589 63.157.12.16 |
20-Mar-04/12:13 AM |
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AWWW,how sad but true,im guessung that you are referring to being heartbroken,good job,nice write
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Sapphire2589 63.157.12.16 |
20-Mar-04/12:14 AM |
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| Re: Perversions 6: Judgement Day by razorgrin |
Standby 205.188.116.149 |
19-Mar-04/9:19 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
some deleted user 68.169.177.107 |
20-Mar-04/8:45 AM |
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Sunset and ocean waves, a common theme and a good one, done here with great images, like poems of old.
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| Re: Coming out of the Darkness by ChunkyHunkyMonkey |
Sapphire2589 63.157.12.16 |
20-Mar-04/12:01 AM |
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AWWW,i like this poem,good job
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| Re: Friendship thrown away by cutiewithceli |
Sapphire2589 63.157.12.16 |
20-Mar-04/12:03 AM |
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this is so true,i love this poem,and i loved how you wrote it,there is a little bit of "forced"ryming which i dont like but other than that it was great
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| Re: esopus creek by some deleted user |
Sapphire2589 63.157.12.16 |
20-Mar-04/12:10 AM |
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kinda.....weird,but good,just confusing
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| Re: Text Messages Sent by blueENDyellow |
Sapphire2589 63.157.12.16 |
20-Mar-04/12:12 AM |
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*shudders* that was creepy,nice write though,it could have flowed better though
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| Re: Masked by savannah |
Sapphire2589 63.157.12.16 |
20-Mar-04/12:19 AM |
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dont like the cussing,there are spelling errors but it has a good idea behind it and im guess that you just wrote this when you were made,it was just a vent poem.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
zodiac 67.240.192.129 |
20-Mar-04/6:06 AM |
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I think this is a real improvement over your earlier posts. Really. A few of the lines surprised me, made me think. But I'm worried that the whole idea behind this is a lie, or at best an after-the-fact justification. I wish this poem had been about something else besides regretting having sex with someone, that's all.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
zodiac 67.240.192.129 |
20-Mar-04/6:14 AM |
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Good poem, and some really good lines. I would mix up the almost unvaried adjective-noun formula that you have here, which got a little predictable, by dropping the adjectives in front of a few more nouns and doubling up on a few more. Maybe make some of them into appositives or something, like:
Tangerine whale swims the skies,
a farfetched tale in streaks
radiant as ________
she flies
like a stroke bold-splashed,
dream of orange pale
like ________ smashed
on an indigo canvas stretched wide.
When the sunset paints a new tide
she lets herself
fall.
That part's pretty nice, too.
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| Re: Senseless Murder by Sapphire2589 |
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.86.113.159 |
20-Mar-04/12:00 PM |
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Linkin Park lyrics + ellipses = GREAT POETRY!!!!!!! 10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
some deleted user 68.169.177.107 |
20-Mar-04/3:01 PM |
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Here's to the spirit, happiness, and regret of a drinking man, soberly told. With sobriety? I don't get the title, otherwise good.
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| Re: Puritans by zodiac |
some deleted user 68.169.177.107 |
20-Mar-04/3:20 PM |
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Alright, I admit it, was one of them, with unraveled dreams on warm summer nights in kitchens animate with moonlight, but the rest I don't get, and maybe don't want to.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Shuushin 207.5.211.177 |
20-Mar-04/3:22 PM |
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cute.
I think you should build something bigger with it (ifn't you gonna call it a lyric)
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
zodiac 67.240.155.245 |
20-Mar-04/3:27 PM |
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Maybe I'm giving this more attention than you care for, but some of it is a little oddly worded. 'Gee I hate to cause alarm' must refer to the first line, not the third and fourth - that's a little confusing. 'And have as yet not' is a mouthful. I can't think of how to re-word it, though. Sorry I can't be more help; it's a cute little rhyme.
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| Re: Snow Day by Standby |
MaliqaTara 24.48.207.18 |
20-Mar-04/3:33 PM |
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Are you sure you didn't see yourself, someone should fuck your shit up for writing this.
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| Re: Snow Day by Standby |
MaliqaTara 24.48.207.18 |
20-Mar-04/3:33 PM |
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Are you sure you didn't see yourself, someone should fuck your shit up for writing this.
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| Re: Snow Day by Standby |
MaliqaTara 24.48.207.18 |
20-Mar-04/3:33 PM |
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Are you sure you didn't see yourself, someone should fuck your shit up for writing this.
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| Re: Snow Day by Standby |
MaliqaTara 24.48.207.18 |
20-Mar-04/3:33 PM |
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Are you sure you didn't see yourself, someone should fuck your shit up for writing this.
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